Judgement Day for Gays

[CurtCB]

Today I was handed a stern lecture about being open about myself on the internet.
The themes of this lecture included " letting people know too much about you", "gay bashing", " not being anonymous enough", and " giving strangers an opportunity to judge you".
I am not the type to shout " I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it" However my orientation is an important part of me. It determines who I am able to fall in love with. It determines who I feel most comfortable confiding in. It determines who I give first preference to in trusting someone.
As for anyone judging me, I have an response to whatever way anyone chooses to make a judgment. Whether it be from a religious delusion to a ignorant assumption. I have a keen sense of who I am, why I exist, and am able defend myself accordingly.
Which brings me to what I want to know from you all.
How do you handle other people's judgments about your sexuality?
What is your response when someone tells you that you made a choice to be gay, lesbian, transgendered, or bi?
When they use religion to condemn your sexuality?


One more thing:
Not to contradict myself but, from anti-gay marriage laws in the US to beheading in Saudi Arabia and hanging in Iran. Judgments can have a consequence. Using the example of the minority "Christian" right wing's ability to determine national policy in the US since Ronald Reagan, Do you think if all non-heterosexuals stood as a united group we would have the ability to change world-wide acceptance of us?

[fredv3b]

How do you handle other people's judgments about your sexuality?
What is your response when someone tells you that you made a choice to be gay, lesbian, transgendered, or bi?
When they use religion to condemn your sexuality?

Its their religion not mine. I generally get them to claim that heterosexual marriage is such a wonderful institution and then bring up St Paul and ask them why they chose heterosexuality rather than celibacy?

Do you think if all non-heterosexuals stood as a united group we would have the ability to change world-wide acceptance of us?

World-wide change is a very rare event indeed. Many countries condemn something precisely because their enemies accept it. Local change is an awful lot easier.

[James]

To by gay openly in the past put your ability to go to school, work or even exist at jeopardy, those who found out would torment you. the holy rollers would codemn you, but Jesus never condemned me, he even let an adultress go when there where those who said the "old law" said to stone her to death. That was the beginning of the new religion and the forgiveness factor.

Many condemn what they don't understand, usually because they are afraid of it. If aliens visited earth, many would try and kill them because of fear and nothing else. We as a group usually try to understand others and don't have that same fear factor built in.

The countries that have the beheadings etc, do so in the name of their religion, rather than try to understand what is really going on, Jim

[princealbertofb]

I have just been watching The Prom Queen: The story of Mark Hall... It is a well constructed story of a real event that took place in Canada. The church has much to answer for in terms of judgement (but then it judges almost everything). I thought Jesus had said something like Judge ye not, lest ye be judged... or something to that effect. Here the young Mark only wants to be able to attend the prom ball with his same-sex partner but the school refused to let him, so he sued the school and the Catholic church because the Canadian constitution was on his side.

To answer your question, I think sexuality is still a matter of privacy and therefore need not be disclosed to everyone. I keep my private life separate from my job, as much as I can, and only air views when it is a matter of importance to make ignorance regress.

[kitschcamp]

Personally, I don't hide the fact, but I don't shout it out either. When I started working for my current firm 8 years ago, I didn't hide the fact and my colleagues found out totally in passing during a conversation. That was quite funny.

The directors found out when I filled in an anonymous questionaire at work. I was the only person employed in my department, so it wasn't really that anonymous for me... I fed back about I thought it was poor form that my partner couldn't get private healthcare benefits, but straight couples could. They came, found me, and sorted it out. They genuinely hadn't thought about the issue, it wasn't a deliberate slur.

My current office knew pretty much from the outset, as they paid for us to move to Sweden, but it's not been an issue and never has been.

However, when I travel with work, I travel often to "unfriendly" places. Places where I can't even phone home for fear of someone finding out. That's not so nice.

I guess my point is, be honest when you can and it's safe, but don't be a martyr for it.

[kitschcamp]

Oh, and with people having a problem with it. I point out that they've just admitted they're the one with the problem, not me. And it's their religion, not mine.

I don't preach, but people see from my life and way of living that not all pufters shag everything in sight, wear skin tight lycra and party all night. Being visible is important.

[marshlander]

I agree that it is a matter of choice what I say and to whom I say it. I'm not averse to winding up a believer from time to time, though. I met some Mormon missionaries in town recently who became pretty upset when I made them late for a dinner appointment. Truth is, they saw me, they initiated the conversation. What I did wrong was that I didn't walk away and say, "I'm not interested." They thought they had a bite. The little, aggressive American was pretty livid when I asked if they could wait until my boyfriend was at home so that he could hear their "good news" too ("Did you keep us talking for 35 minutes and make us late just so you could bring that up?" - he must have been hungry, poor man), while the taller more laid-back Canadian did his best to diffuse his companion's righteous indignation ("I studied musical theatre at college and some of my best friends ... " etc). Talking to them I nearly missed the last ferry back to my car. That would have been far more difficult :frown:

No, I generally join in normal conversations about the things I did at the weekend, or whenever, and make sure I include the appropriate masculine pronouns. I generally challenge other people's stupid statements, but I will admit there are days when I don't have the energy.

Where safe, be visible; be who you are. We all have a responsibility not to be apologetic for being ourselves. That's how victims are grown. We ARE normal and I make sure other people know it. Some people are gay, get over it.

If it's really not safe, be careful.

[CurtCB]

Oh, and with people having a problem with it. I point out that they've just admitted they're the one with the problem, not me. And it's their religion, not mine.

I don't preach, but people see from my life and way of living that not all pufters shag everything in sight, wear skin tight lycra and party all night. Being visible is important.

I totally agree kitcamp. It is nice to find some one who handles this issue in the same exact manner that I do. Maybe it's because we both grew up intolerant places ( US south for me ) that has led still us to similar paths in finding peace, happiness, self awareness, and self worth.
Take care.

[Mark]

This issue is something that nobody will ever fully agree upon. So just being happy and comfortable with ourselves is the best option I think!

[XRIMO]

To me, its nobody's business that I'm gay, so not many people know. I've never been one for dating, I would rather just relax until the right guy shows up. If someone asks me, I'll tell them (or rather, I won't say that I'm straight, but I play the ambiguity card for my own amusement).

I also don't just come out to people, because I like to observe their attitudes about the subject. I'll listen in if someone is talking about a gay sibling or roommate or something else just to see what their prespective is like. And often times, they are perfectly accepting (though they do sometimes say something degrading, though I wonder if its just for show). Only once or twice have I heard anyone insult the subject, and I remember interjecting to put them in their place.

Anyway, thats my view and way of things. Its a bit strange, but I like to be strange.