feel so insecure i want to kill self

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend to bits, but lately I don't feel loved. I feel insecure and scared he find someone else, better than me!

All I keep thinking about is him leaving me, and i will be alone forever

I am always concidering suicide and i know i shouldnt as its not right, but i really do need help. I'm only 17 but im having a break down

[Shadow]

Ok first thing I'd suggest is taking a deep breath 'coz it sounds like you're going to need it ...

How long have you been with your boyfriend ? Can you provide us with some examples of how he's been neglecting you in the relationship ?

At 17 I can at least reassure you that you will NOT be alone forever - not in the least 'coz you've got the GS crowd to bounce around with and we're a sound bunch, and will try and help you if we can mile: (I'm sure I speak for everybody when I say that).

Considering suicide should be scrubbed from your list IMMEDIATELY. We can help you through most anything - all you need to do is give us your hand and LET us help you ...

So come back to us and give us a bit more insight if that's ok - it's the first step on the road to getting this sorted ...



!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[adzie]

He doesn't neglect me, my ex really messed my head over. It caused me to attempt to kill myself, which i've tried twice.

We've been together for 7 months and I love him to bits, but i've seen him every day for the past 7 months, so i've gotten so used to it.

Back to my ex, we was both in love with eachother, or so i thought and one day he said he wanted to a break to concentrate on GCSEs, i believed him and trusted him with my life. However, for weeks he'd been cheating on me!

So, now that my boyfriends gone away, where there are lots of other gay guys, i feel so scared. He said he wanted to take a break physically and not see me for the two weeks, then he talked about his ex. This brang back the pain and depression and it's caused me to be constantly upset, Im fine at work, but when at home I'm so upset and cry most the time.

I trust hime greatly, but I don't trust other people, mainly because I was raped when I was drunk last year.

I really don't think my heads on straight and I know I'm over reacting, but it's the memories and the 'voice' you could say in my head bringing bad images into my head. I was fine before all this =[

I want to be normal again.

[CurtCB]

Go kill yourself then. Teach him a lesson!
Do you see how silly that sounds?
Look I was your age when I went into my relationship.
It ended this year and to my surprise it was nothing but a farce.
Would you rather spend years of your life in a fake relationship or find someone who really loves you and that you love?
the best freedom that you will ever discover is the freedom to stand on your own, that's the lesson I learned.
You really need to learn that as well.
The true Mr Right is out there waiting for you, but he doesn't want a clingy child. So suck it up, heal your heart, and find someone who really loves you.
Best of luck

[adzie]

Dude, he does love me. I know he does, but it's my head. I want to know where I can get help to forget the bad memories

[CurtCB]

what bad memories?

[Shadow]

Ok ... first and foremost it sounds like you've been through a NUMBER of bad experiences at a young age which is obviously not good AT all ... so seeing a bit more about your background makes it considerably more apparent why you would feel so strongly about this type of thing.

Betrayal is one of the most horrible things a person can experience - it's only happened to me once, and I would be happy to never know its sting again ... it's because you trust somebody so completely that you let your guard down, and when they disrespect that confidence and trust and love you have for them, you have no defences against the hurt that comes back to you.

What you CAN do, however, is to look (if possible) at the situation objectively, even if it is through the tears, and say to yourself "I was wronged in this situation - I didn't do anything wrong - I behaved with honour, and I was betrayed". I don't suggest doing this as a way of projecting hatred at the betrayer - their loss is already tangible in their having lost you - somebody that loved them completely and unconditionally ... but rather in trying to stave off the negative feelings that you may have that accompany a betrayal like that.

Your ex CLEARLY did not deserve to be with somebody that loved them as purely as you do, and will, I am sure, ultimately come to see that.

Trust is a fragile concept as it doesn't even have to be broken to be compromised - the THOUGHT of somebody being untrustworthy is sometimes enough, so I personally prefer to try and keep things simple and black-and-white on that score ... I would suggest looking at people with a "I'm willing to take a chance and trust them" mentality, as some people ARE worthy of that chance ... I have made a number of friends through this site, for example, many of whom I trust implicitly ...

Do you have any close friends that you can kick back with and perhaps intimate what's upsetting you to ? I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that as you're in a relationship your closest friends know that you're gay - i.e. you're out ... the reason I ask is that I think if you're finding it much harder when you're on your own, having people that you love and trust around you to be a shoulder you can LITERALLY cry on if you need to is going to be a good thing mile:.

My parting piece of wisdom to you, if you'll permit me, would be a phrase I devised and shared with a friend of mine a little while ago, which is that the past, whether great or awful, cannot be changed - what CAN be done is that you can look at it, learn from the good and the bad alike, and shape your FUTURE into a brighter, stronger and happier place because of it ...

I just hope that doesn't come across as me trivialising any of what's happened to you because I really do sympathise - it hasn't been kind to you of late, so hopefully that's something that can be worked on (not just by us here, but on a NUMBER of fronts) so that we can help you out of this rut mile:.

.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[adzie]

The state of mind i was in when i felt betrayed, hurt... small. I spoken to him, he tells me its all ok, and i believe him and he loves me etc.

[CurtCB]

The state of mind i was in when i felt betrayed, hurt... small. I spoken to him, he tells me its all ok, and i believe him and he loves me etc.

babe if you believe him then what is the problem?
There is obviously some doubt in your mind.
why is it there?

[adzie]

The doubt there because my pastand what's been brung up.

Shadow, thank you so much for writing that, you've helped a lot just by me reading that. I just got off the phone with him, i explained what has happened,i explained my past and he has apologised for triggering it off, even though i stressed that he wasn't aware of the events that followed (Ie now, this state of mind).

As for the friends and shoulder to cry on, my supervisor at work is also gay and has helped me a lot, much has the others I work with. For the first time in months, I also went out with my friends for once and actually enjoyed myself. Thinking about all the fun things we did in one night takes my mind of everything