feel so insecure i want to kill self

[peterinmalaga]

Adzie, Your feelings about your boyfriend are changing from one moment to the next and, like everyone else, you cannot control your feelings. But you can control what you say and do. You need to leave your options open until you are sure about the bf. So I suggest plan A:

• Give him a clear, consistent and unambiguous message that you love him and want to stay with him. Be the boyfriend he wants and do this consistently.
  
• Do not object when he wants to be with other people and not you. If you raise objections, he will feel trapped.
  
• When you are with him or talking on the phone or via messenger etc., be positive and supportive towards him, even if you don’t really feel like that. This way he will see you as a more desirable person. Fake it till you make it!

All this will improve the situation for him and make him feel better about the relationship. Eventually, I believe, this will be fed back to you and he will be a much more appreciative lover. In the meantime you will not have closed off the option of maintaining the relationship and will have taken positive steps to improve it. If after several months of this, things have not improved, you still have plan B (I call it the FOAD plan, which means you tell him to f… off and die!) But if you activate plan B, there is no going back, which is why you stick consistently to plan A for several months, i.e. until you feel much more sure about things.
You can also ring a gay switchboard for support and advice. It doesn’t have to be in your home town where people may know you. The London number is 020 7837 7324 and if you anticipate a long call or long calls, use skype or voipstunt (google it). And of course your friends here always like to help. Un besito (little kiss!)