What would you do or TMI

[gaygay33]

:ylsurprise1:

Just say that you met someone and you both liked each other and wanted to date. And the dating turned into something more like a possible relationship. How much about your past would you disclose to that person. In relationships (I haven't had a relationship that lasted that long) would you want your new partner who you trusted to know mostly everything about you, even if it wasn't that great?

I am going to use some of my past experiences as an example, it's not like I'd go around to people in "real life" to disclose all this info but it's more easier on here because it's online.
:eek:

So when I was really young, I was se#u#l#y abused for about 5 years. So somehow that makes me not want to have sex until I really get to know someone. I'm not saying that I don't like being close to someone but it might take me from 1 month to 3 months or about that, to really want to have total sex.
My fear is that if I was the early stages of a relationship and told someone that (just say they wanted to have sex), I would be scared that they would jump on the next train and head 200 miles away from me.

My second situation is that I can't be around drugs/alcohol because I had a love affair with narcotic pain meds like oxycodone. Really, my so called love affair with pain meds was good until I couldn't stop taking them, but I've been in outpatient treatment for almost 2 months so I've been clean for almost that long. I never did any high rish drugs like shooting up or anything. Basically I'd ask my new man (if I ever get one) not to use drugs such as pot or basically anything around me. I wonder if they would get on a jet and vanish!!

So basically, I want to know is
1. If you were in my position what would you do
and
2. Just say you liked someone and you started to date and they came out and told you ...Bye the way, please don't smoke pot or drink beer, etc., around me. And on top of that...we can't have sex for a least two months. I don't mean make out and stuff just "all the way sex"!!!!

Thanks!
I'd love to see what some of you would do in these situations!

:ylsurprise1:

[fredv3b]

Difficult situation. I think that I would take things as they come, and mention things as they come up. I would imagine that alcohol would be an issue first, you may need to explain why a date can't involve having a drink. Also, when you are only starting dating I don't think you need to go into details about these things in the past, for example, mentioning that you have had problems with drugs/alcohol in the past but you are clean now but need to keep yourself away from them, is enough. If he's not an understanding guy you'll know soon enough, if he isn't you may be better off without him.

[gaygay33]

hi,
thanks for the feedback it helped

[circledot]

I feel like it should be normal to not want to have sex within the first month or so of meeting someone. At least I wouldn't want to. I agree you need to get to know them and have a common trust there. With the drugs/alcohol you honestly probably shouldn't even be dating right now as I'm sure you counselors have told you. Take some time off to work on yourself in the future when it comes up just let the lucky guy know that you don't drink/smoke, etc and you would prefer if he didn't either. If he actually cares about more than just getting some tail he'll stick around. but side note the meds you were abusing are basically synthetic herion. that is very very very high risk regardless of how you are ingesting it. Please please count your blessing and learn your lessons and stay the hell away!!! We like you here. alive and stuff lol

[fjp999]

:ylsurprise1:

In relationships (I haven't had a relationship that lasted that long) would you want your new partner who you trusted to know mostly everything about you, even if it wasn't that great?

[marshlander]

You don't have to give everything away at once. If you want the relationship to last leave some interesting news for later. Deal with things as they arise. Don't panic, don't bore him with your whole life story, don't tell lies, but remember it's your choice to say what you want to say.

Good luck for when you need it.

[gaygay33]

Thanks guys for your advice. I just don't like the part about 'not supposed to date anyone' after you are getting clean from using substances. Even my counselor told me that- I'm supposed to wait a year before seeing anyone but I don't understand why.

I think that leads to more isolation which I'm sick of at this point! I had to dump some of the people I was hanging out with because they were doing drugs and that's the stuff that I don't want to be around.

Yeah you're very right about the type of drugs I was taken is very closely related to heroin. Those pain pills, even though for the most part were prescribed, led me into more drugs, stuff I thought that I would never do. I never ever injected anything into my body, but I said I'd never ever in my life would touch cocaine, and then I started messing with that stuff. I still can't even believe I did that but all I can do is learn from my mistakes and stay away from it and the people who use.

It was just not me but it's weird how that stuff takes control of you.

I'm so glad I didn't mess with that stuff too much but even one time is once too many.

But anyways, I'm starting to get my life back on track. It's hard because your forced to face what you didn't want to face. Sometimes it's not all that bad (counseling) because I have a wicked cute doctor.

It's weird because I look forward to going to my group meetings. You learn a lot from other people who share some of the things you've gone through!

Thanks!

[72jay]

So basically, I want to know is
1. If you were in my position what would you do
and
2. Just say you liked someone and you started to date and they came out and told you ...Bye the way, please don't smoke pot or drink beer, etc., around me. And on top of that...we can't have sex for a least two months. I don't mean make out and stuff just "all the way sex"!!!!

#1 I can't answer since i don't date or anything anyway...

#2 I don't smoke pot (or do any other drugs) and its rare that I have a beer
or any other alcaholic drinks...so i'd be 100% ok with that. mile:
On the sex part...well I personally would love to find someone like that,
A relationship (weather with a guy or girl) thats based on love not sex is
just how i feel it should be (so if i found someone who was willing to be
a "really close friend" like that i'd be all for it LOL ...... then if something
more happend like they relly were 'the one' & then fell in love..then maybe
sex.. well perfect mile: )

[kitschcamp]

One person once told me very personal and intimate stuff when we met for the first time. He wanted to make sure I knew everything before things went too far so that there was no confusion and no misunderstandings, and everyone knew what was and was not going to happen and could happen.

Did it bother me? What had happened, yes, of course it did. Did it affect our relationship? Only in a positive way - I felt that I knew him a lot better, and could understand what was going on, and make allowances where necessary and make sure I didn't do anything that would freak him out. Did it work out? Yup. Very much so.

YMMV.

[gaygay33]

Well that's good Jay that you don't smoke pot or drink. I was always against smoking pot until I developed a bad habit of smoking pot everyday. I didn't find out until after one of my roommate's moved in that he was a drug dealer, and being on the pain medication, I really didn't care because I was high all the time and I couldn't resist smoking pot. I was getting a lot for free. Then I just got sick of it and quit. I'm not the type to go out looking for drugs, they come to me and I have no idea why but now I have it in me to refuse it.

I hate alcohol, it makes me sick, one beer gets me drunk and I'm not tiny. I don't understand it.

Kitchs, that's great that someone told you a lot of info about them and you didn't run! How long did you guys date for?