coming out to my mom

[J A Y]

Thanks for the support. I woke up and read this again and I was like... wow, I complain alot lol. It was one of those days!

[peterinmalaga]

You are totally accepted here, Jay, you moaning bugger (lol). Coming out is an option, it's not compulsory but it does free things up for you to get on with your life. Why not just come out to the most accepting person in your family and do it in a letter?

[fredv3b]

I would be really devastated if my parents told me they wouldn't be happy if I had a boyfriend. But thats cos I'm so close to them; I sometimes quite naively picture being with a boyfriend in the company of my family, just like my sister is with her boyfriend. But I suppose thats alot to ask. Or is it?

On the one hand, being fair it is in very real way, it is alot to ask. On the other hand why should it be? Its no more than you sister asked, and no more than what you parents may be expecting you to ask (acceptance of a girlfriend).

I've honestly never thought about coming out to my family as much in my life as I have this week. And its terrible, I feel like an emotional wreck. Its like there's never gonna be a right time.

I am afraid there is never going to be a completely right time, there is only the least worst time or when it is unavoidable.

the idea of coming out seems so selfish to me.

Ultimately coming out is all about you, it is an inheritantly selfish act. But frankly, its the rest of the world including your family that chose to just assume you are straight. You did not ask to be in the position that you need to do such an act in order to be able to live your life, so don't feel guilty about the selfishness of it.

God my head is such a mess about this. And it's really hard to have noone to talk to about it... Sorry, I realise I'm moaning alot and possibly tearing down the upbeat vibes of these happy tales lol. Who knows maybe one day I can add to those. Right now though... that just seems impossible.

You've got us to talk to about things! Don't be so hard on yourself, you're going through a tough period, its OK to feel low. I can't tell you when or how to come out to your family. However sometimes its OK to not cross a bridge until you come to it. As I understand it you live away from home, you can visit a gay bar or two, maybe meet a guy, just live a little. When you feel up to it then you can give serious thought to coming out.

Hope this helps.