Gay Virgin wants some help !!

[gpLammy]

Hi Chaps.

I'm totally new to this and need some help - I'm fit, 42, in good shape (gym 5 times a week has to have some advantages right ??), and never had sex with a guy. But - I've been thinking about giving it a go for a while and decided to take the plunge.
Thing is I don't wan't to meet some stranger off the net - I quite fancy a bit of group action for my initiation. But where's the best place (London) to go for this ?
Are these gay saunas any good ? If so, where's the best one ? And once there, what's the form ? Just go up to someone and say how about it ?
Stop laughing !! You all had to start somewhere....! :-)

[marshlander]

I've never used a sauna, but if other situations I've encountered are anything to go by, you would probably get by without all the talking

Usual warnings, particularly don't do anything you don't want to do. If you think you might be exploring anal sex use a new condom with each partner and plenty of lubrication to make things more comfortable for yourself. At your age one assumes you will be aware of the health risks associated with sex with strangers, despite a fairly recent report that middle-aged men have seen amongst the sharpest rise in new HIV infections in the UK.

"Some stranger off the net ..." not sure how much different that is from a bunch of strangers in a sauna, but anyway, take care, have fun. I'll leave someone with more first-hand experience of saunas to appraise you of etiquette. In the meantime, this might be helpful?

[gpLammy]

Thanks Fella. Appreciate the comments.

[peterinmalaga]

I have a little experience with saunas in the UK. I think you can judge fairly well whether someone is up for it from
1.Eye contact. See if they reciprocate.
2.Moving closer to them. If they don't move away or turn their back on you, that is also encouraging.
3.Say “Hi” and their response will give you more information.
4.If all the above work in your favour you can either ask them outright if you can help them with THAT or you can move to somewhere more private and look back to encourage them to follow or you can touch them briefly but in a non-sexual way at first.
I have never been in a sauna in London and have only been to saunas in NW England a few times but I was never disappointed with my experience of them. Ring Gay Switchboard to find out where the best saunas are in London. You could also ask them about other possibilities – cruising areas, bars etc. You need to think of your physical safety as well as infections. Having said that I have never personally had any bad experiences in bars, saunas or cruising. I think meeting some stranger off the net is not such a good idea, people can be a little economical with the truth. There are other possibilities too which Gay Switchboard can tell you more about. A visit to a gay bar, gay social centre or bookshop would also give you some more ideas. Google GOC too Gay Outdoor Club - Welcome to the Gay Outdoor Club

[gpLammy]

Once again, thanks Peter.

[marshlander]

...I think meeting some stranger off the net is not such a good idea, people can be a little economical with the truth...

True, but a first meeting can easily be arranged for a public place. Just beware that the hormones don't overpower the wits if you decide to go somewhere more private.

One man I knew arranged his meetings with men via Gaydar, but he would always direct them to a roundabout not far from his house where he could get a good look at them before guiding them in. My preference was usually for a bit of conversation first (in a café, rarely a bar), but his reasoning was that if they looked like their profile photograph they were probably more likely to be honest! If he did not like the look of them he simply drove off ...

I would imagine the sauna to be a safer environment than a cruising ground, although, to be honest, I can't remember ever having had problems at such places. Basically on the odd occasion that something looked odd I assumed it probably was and didn't take stupid risks. At least at a sauna there are staff about the place.

[gaygay33]

Yea that's good advice.
You're right, everyone has to start somewhere and take other's advice, use condoms and lube. It's not fun going to a clinic to get tested but it's not the worst thing. When I was 21 I was a slut and didn't use protection and I got lucky because I didn't catch anything but people will lie to you so it's your job to protect yourself.