Recently Out, looking for advice

[Psiloscribe]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. Just wanted to introduce myself. I only recently came out. The first person I actually told was my girlfriend.

We were on the conversation of previous relationships and its kind of hard to tell someone you've had sex with a guy without revealing that you like sex with guys, lol. That was about a week ago.

Since then I've come out to my closest friends and my father. I have never felt this happy in my life, and I feel like I've finally started the life I was meant to lead.

I came out as bisexual, because I have had far more relationships and sexual encounters with women than men, but ever since I admitted to liking men, I cant get it out of my head. I fantasize about sex with men all day long, and Im starting to not even look at women. I feel like Im seeing the whole world in a new way.

I think that I might be gay, but I havent ever had the opportunity to get to know this side of my nature. I'm not sure if I should keep trying to work on my relationship with my girlfriend or if I should explore new relationships. Im at such a crossroads. I want love, and Im afraid that my desire to be held or penetrated by men is only going to get stronger the longer I withold myself.

My girlfriend wants to experiment with toys and things, and shes trying to be very open and understanding, but it really comes down to the face that I want to have sex with men, and she is not an advocate of open relationships.

God, what do I do?

[princealbertofb]

...

I came out as bisexual, because I have had far more relationships and sexual encounters with women than men, but ever since I admitted to liking men, I cant get it out of my head. I fantasize about sex with men all day long, and Im starting to not even look at women. I feel like Im seeing the whole world in a new way.

I think that I might be gay, but I havent ever had the opportunity to get to know this side of my nature. I'm not sure if I should keep trying to work on my relationship with my girlfriend or if I should explore new relationships. Im at such a crossroads. I want love, and Im afraid that my desire to be held or penetrated by men is only going to get stronger the longer I withold myself.

My girlfriend wants to experiment with toys and things, and shes trying to be very open and understanding, but it really comes down to the face that I want to have sex with men, and she is not an advocate of open relationships.

God, what do I do?

Hello Psiloscribe,
if you are onlin, maybe we can have a private chat in the chat rooms or through Private Messages, and that will clear the air much quicker;
In the meantime, I think you have been very honest with her... She knows more about you than many girlfriends, and I believe that by being true to her you have been rightfully true to yourself. It would be nice to be able to keep such a girlfriend as a friend, if that can happen, but now that you are wanting to explore new ground, I'm afraid it won't go down too well with her. Ideally, you'd have to break up the love / sex relationship so you can try pursuing something else with a male partner. Mind you, it is also difficult to start a relationship with a man without getting worried sometimes, but that's another story, one in which you aren't yet.
Talk to you soon, if we can
PA

[Psiloscribe]

Thanks for the input =) and yes im online right now but i got an error trying to send PM, not sure how to open a chat lol =P

[princealbertofb]

Just right click or left click on the Join the Chat link (on the top left hand side of the main page) and join me. I'm waiting there. mile:

[fredv3b]

Hi & Welcome

I'm not sure if I should keep trying to work on my relationship with my girlfriend or if I should explore new relationships. Im at such a crossroads. I want love.....

I am afraid I haven't got a great deal of advice to give, I also apologise if I am a little blunt. However, how do you feel about your girlfriend romantically? Putting aside the question of whether your gay or bi for the moment, if your not really in love with her, don't have strong feelings for her, then is it fair keeping her hanging on, while you try and figure things out? If you really do have strong feelings for her then either you are bi and need to ask yourself whether you can be faithful to her, or you are gay and needing to be loved and are in effect using your girlfriend as a 'romantic substitute'.

Either way the next few weeks/months are probably not going to be easy, you are acknowledging a side of yourself that you have not done before. You may make a make a few mistakes on the way, we are all only human after all. But unless you really want 'just sex' then I strongly suggest you don't have 'just sex' (as ever standard advice re safe sex applies).

[princealbertofb]

Thanks Fred for your reply. I think we've managed to sort some of his feelings out. Psilo says he does love his girlfriend and is worried (naturally) about hurting her feelings. He also said that having told people about his real nature has unleashed a sense of strength in him and of empowerment that he had not known before so now he feels he must move on. He'll let us know how things are going, I'm sure. He may, like many of us before him, have been deluding himself into thinking he was straight. Now it's up to him to see how he breaks this news to the girlfriend (who already knows) that this is going to be a turning point. I honestly think he needs to experience his gay nature before deciding whether to go down that path more permanently.
You are right, however, about the safer sex aspect of things, always.

[marshlander]

Thinking we are bi is a stage some of us go through on the way to coming to terms with being gay. Unless your girlfriend is completely happy to share your affections, it may be better to end the relationship before you both get in even deeper. If she can't deal with your drive to experiment it is unfair to expect her to remain in the relationship.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck. It's not going to be easy. I applaud your courage and honesty in broaching this with her.

[princealbertofb]

Yes, I agree, Marsh, he's been exceptionally bold and brave... Now there will be some tears I suspect, but they are both young and can heal, and have learnt something in the process...
:heartline: