Coming OUT A Discussion.

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Since there seem to be a few newbies discussing the idea of being gay and coming out and such...

I was wondering what effect it has had on those that have come out.

During my era I came out in the average time - during my uni years. I wanted to come out in freshman year but it didnt work out that way. One school psychologist suggest I date women which I did

My thieving, lying sister was going thru my room while I was away at school and had taken a couple letters into her room where my mom found them.

My mom freaked out wondering "What she had done wrong!!!" which I think was a pretty average reaction in those days.


I do hope that all will respond.
I would love to hear more about marsh and pa who are near my age. Especially interested in how it effects one art.

For me it was a bit of a package thing. At the time PUNK/NEW WAVE/AIDS/GAY POWER was developing and I really fit into those cats as an artist. It was really fun springing things on people and see how they reacted I had a LOT of fun A couple of my final film projects were kinda shocking

Sooooo very interested in how ones art was effected by being in the closet then after when coming out if there was a change.[/COLOR]

[dreamer814]

Since FJP is only a couple of years older than me, we had to deal with a lot of the same social ills. We cane of age at one of the most terrible times there were to be gay. We were dealing with things like gay bashing (victim, and not going to discuss it!), AIDS, the Regan Administration and more. It was not a good time to be gay.
For those reasons, I did not come out to my friends and family until 1990. Oddly enough, I was completely accepted. I lost a couple of friends but they were not significant to me.
I tried dating a girl because I wanted to be "normal," but it I hated the sex. What's worse is that I hated myself for hating the sex. After coming out, I felt like a great weight was lifted from me and I cleaned up my act.
I had gotten into drugs and I was mixed with a bad crowd in the 80s. I think, in retrospect, it was because I was looking for validation and acceptance. Let's face it, when everyone else rejects you, the Bad Crowd will accept you.
I admit that I was a chicken sh*t for not coming out sooner, but like I said, it was a scary time to be queer. I am glad I came out because it gave me the opportunity to be myself. I am glad I am not "normal." In many ways, I am the furthest thing from being "normal." I am happy with who I am. I am still finding myself and I have found many interesting lessons in my life, up to this point. But, because of my lessons, I am now trying to be the best man I can be. I am look at life from an different perspective and many people do not understand what I see but they would have to have my lessons to understand what I see. I accept people for who they are and I try not to judge people.
My life has had many interesting twists and turns in it. I would not change a single thing in my life. I look back now and even my regrets are small. I regret many of my actions, but I do not regret the lessons I took away from them. Because I learned something from those actions, I accept them as learning experiences. They have made me stronger and more compassionate. I still make mistakes in life and I still make foolish choices but I learn from them. This all comes from looking inside of myself and in many ways, it stems from my coming out.


PJ

[marshlander]

Interesting idea, fjp, although I feel like I've bored everyone with this too many times already. I started to compose a response in a Word document which has now turned into a confessional essay of some four pages and there's still more to write. I don't think it's really an appropriate response to your question! Maybe I should start a blog somewhere.

In short, coming-out was a very slow realisation for me. The clues were always there, but I was unable to read them. I have my suspicions as to why this was the case, although it took years of counselling to uncover them. With my repressed sexuality I think I also stifled my creativity. I found composing music almost impossible during the years I was married, although I had been a prolific (if inept) songwriter and scribbler of unpoetic doggerel during adolescence.

Coming out marked a huge turning point in my life, but it presented enormous challenges. It also marked the very worst period of my turbulent marriage as I began to realise what I had done and was doing to the people I loved the most. Although it placed even greater pressures on our relationship I remained with my wife for several years after I came out to myself and was rewarded with five years of absolute hell after I found the language to come out to her. Not that that was such a surprising response given the nature of the relationship we had always had.

It was only a few years ago, a couple of weeks after I finally left my wife, that the floodgates finally blew open and I experienced an outpouring of what felt like years of pent-up music. For weeks I could not stop hearing music pounding in my head and I had to take to carrying a manuscript book with me everywhere in order to be able to try and capture the ideas before I lost them. These ideas were a gift from somewhere in my screwed-up self and it felt like an act of ingratitude to let them pass by uncaptured. I was often late for work appointments because I had to pull over so many times whilst driving. For a while I took to carrying a dictophone around so I could keep going. I still carry a manuscript notebook with me wherever I go, although I now tend to have some periods of relief from a bombardment of musical ideas. The quantity of the music in my notebooks is no reflection on its quality or lack thereof!

Every few weeks though, it starts up again and I hear new tunes, one after the other, for days on end. Often during these periods I am woken up by the sound of the music in my head. Sometimes I get so tired during these periods and just wish it would let up for a while, but I would far rather this than the blocked-up, dammed-up state I was in whilst I was so firmly, so deeply in the closet.

[fjp999]

Thank you both... wanted to make more comments but have got to rest right now... the universe is calling

[gaygay33]

i remember coming out when i was 21, it was really nothing big. my mom said she knew and my dad only ignored me for a week

but it really hasn't affected me too much with anything that i do, hopefully i u nderstood the question(s) being asked.

[Amigo]

gaygay33 : I haven't come out yet, I'm not even sure if I'm in the closet, but if I DID have a come out story, then it'd be very much like yours.

[marshlander]

...Especially interested in how it effects one art...

Oh dear, I hope I didn't misunderstand your question. I just thought it was an interesting variation on an old discussion theme. :redface:

[princealbertofb]

Effects and affects, Frankie Pie....
I have always been aware of my gay side and I suppose it has suffused whatever artistry I've been entangled with. As far as being a dancer, I've never let myself specially hold back, but then I was often in the company of women more than of men so there wasn't the same sort of emulation to please, nor of restraint at letting out the feminine side. Now I guess it just helps to feel comfortable and relaxed in another man's arms, when showing them a hold or some better move, which means the movements can flow out more naturally, unrestrained by guilt or shame.

[fjp999]

Oh dear, I hope I didn't misunderstand your question. I just thought it was an interesting variation on an old discussion theme. :redface:

[COLOR="Purple"]Um, did I do it again???

Effects and affects, Frankie Pie....

Your answer was exactly what I was looking for my dear marsh.

Now I guess it just helps to feel comfortable and relaxed in another man's arms, when showing them a hold or some better move, which means the movements can flow out more naturally, unrestrained by guilt or shame.

Great example PA.

marsh, I wonder if you discussed your (over)flow of music, just weeks after leaving your wife, with your counselor? ***I am guessing you were happy with your counselor...

Thanks to all for answering, and I am so happy that marsh took the bait. I find it so difficult to understand your situation (but am meeting more who discovered their sexuality in later life). The image of you having to pull your car over in order to make note of the new music pouring out screams out BIOGRAPHY, film script or maybe an opera ***maybe an opera with dance (hint hint hint)

dreamer, also so interesting how we are so the same but how I found the times so great to come out. I feel there were much worse times in USA history than during the Regan era. Sure I felt the possibility of gay bashing and such but I guess I was lucky and was never physically bashed. It was a great time for the walkman to come out... sometimes the volume couldnt be loud enough I also dated, and other than the first woman who was mostly due to some stupid psychiatrist suggesting such... I felt it was a bit of experimentation in my bi side. I was proudly gay and the two women I dated at the time knew that. I am still best of friends with one of them and feel she is one of my soul mates.

But again, funny how we agree on so many things... I hated the word "normal" and was so proud NOT to be THAT, lol. I also learned so much and would never change one thing [/COLOR]

[joseph]

i was so happy i love if peple now i am gay.!!becase i love being gay i am proper gay man.! somethimes like my worker said joseph thinkk him is gay but him not gay. it some times my frind not even newn about gay what it me . i dont like it pepole not relise iam a proper gay man but i am gay man i love it!.