AS. Aspergers Syndrome

[joseph]

that is sad curt peple you left you out and that.llike you was diffrint. but your are same becase gay man . same like gaymen.and your boyfrind!¬ and your frineds. i hope you are ok.

[marshlander]

Ok first of all I am defenently not seeing this as a good thing in anyway. Its just another oe of those things that make me even more effed. No pun inteneded. I dont want to be different anymore i never did. I just wanna like every other person out there. I hate the way people look at me when im out in public and i try very hard to blend in. Its not easy too look good and fit in with the small town crowd. Straight guys intimidate me so i never initiate contact Now that i think of it i never really initiate contact in person all the guys i ever met are from online. I dont think theres any reason to tell my boyfriend. I wish i would have known this as a child so i could start working around it. Thanks for all the support though. Marsh where can you find a copy of that film.

I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. I really wanted to have a conversation with a few of the older ones in the group about what life was like for them, but we didn't seem to have the time and the opportunity on this last project. As for the film, I don't know what is happening with it at the moment. As I said, it was pure accident that I ran into the editor on another project. I shall be seeing him again from time to time over the next two or three months so I shall ask him and let you know if I find out anything. That reminds me, someone promised me a dvd of another project where the music of one of my bands was used nearly all the way through - I'll have to chase that one up too!

I agree that it's bad that you didn't know about this as a child. There are a number of interventions which can help, even though it seems like hard work having to make an effort to read situations in the way that many of us are fortunate enough to be able to take for granted. I'm sure you've been doing the research, but if you think I can point you to any information let me know (private message perhaps?).

Best wishes to you and good luck.

[curt-88]

Thanks Marsh I have been researching but then it frustrates me or i get upset and then i need to distract myself. Yesterday i spent four hours at the pool and another two at the gym.

[fredv3b]

Curt,

I am very sorry to hear that your doc 'gave' you such a lousy Christmas present. Marshy offers some very good advice which I will not repeat. However there is one particular point I want to pick up on.

I dont think theres any reason to tell my boyfriend.

Certainly, there is no reason why you need to tell your boyfriend. However I think there may be a reason why it might be helpful to tell your boyfriend. If he knows and understands about AS then he may be able to better see how what he says and does appears to you, and how what you say and do appears to you, even if it doesn't quite seem that way to him. In short if he understands then that may help communication and interaction between the two of you.

Certainly, you don't have to tell him if you don't want to, and there is no point in telling him that you have AS without helping him understand what that actually means. Therefore you need to understand about AS before you can help him understand.

Hope that is helpful

[marshlander]

I would agree with Fred. Rightly or wrongly I make allowances when I know I have someone with Asperger's in any group I work with. I am not an expert in the field, but I try to make sure that what I say is as clear and unambiguous as possible. Unfortunately, many people living with AS also find music very unappealing and sometimes excruciatingly painful, so I know I can't win every time, but being aware helps me to know that I need to be more vigilant than usual in case anyone is having problems they are not prepared to articulate.

Coming back to your situation, if you love and trust your boyfriend, I think he would appreciate the opportunity to support you in any way he can. I understand that you might feel this is your battle alone, but if you are in a partnership you don't have to be alone. Having to address each situation on a cognitive level must be exhausting for you at times. I bet he would love to help take some of that difficulty away from you if you feel able to let him. I have no idea how this might work. You would each have to find your own way of dealing with it, but I wonder if there are times when he might be able to divert attention or at least act as an intermediary in some social situations when you are feeling particularly fragile?

I know that were PA to find he needs some help I would feel it an honour to be there for him in the same way as he tries to understand and help me through periods of depression. Those opportunities for supporting each other through difficult times help make our relationship stronger.

[curt-88]

Well the reason why I sont want to tell him yet is because are relationship hasnt made a full recovery yet but things are improving. He has all been away for the holidays at his parents house since the 22nd and wont be back till the third. during this time he has made no effort to contact me. Hes a terrible communicator. Most days i have to grab his balls and twist them until he talks about something other then the news or his stupid dog. I might tell him eventually but if its not broken dont try to fix it right ? I have been doing alot of research on it and its really helping however i have only left me room to eat and stuff oh and i took out a few frustrations at the gym.

[matty7]

i had to look AS up on wikipedia as i wasnt too sure what is was, i would never try to speak for you curt but the things ive read do seem to point out that once you find out things can get better, it would be good at some point if your BF did know then when your together and he spots your having some difficulties in certain situations he can be the one to distract you and be there to steer you into a different frame of mind.........maybe in a certain way it could be a little like coming out gay for the first time too if u did tell him !! once people know then it can be a huge wieght lifted , maybe a stupid analogy on my part but if it did work then its preferable to been frustrated in the gym - good look anyway dude

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Hi. Curt.

Sad to hear the news, great xmas present. Glad you are trying to deal with it. Just did a quick check online, I can understand your feelings now. Your partner needs to know about your problem, keeping it secret could undermine your relationship, making it worse. Finding the right time to tell him is going to be hard but might help you keeping it together.
I hope I can speak for everyone here, you have our support and friendship. If you need to talk at anytime, just PM us or use this forum to vent your fustration.

Rychard

[marshlander]

... Hes a terrible communicator. Most days i have to grab his balls and twist them until he talks about something other then the news or his stupid dog ...

He does not communicate well, he is obsessed with talking about the news and his dog ... are you sure he might not understand more about AS than you give him credit for, Curt?

[curt-88]

Hey Matty !!! That actually makes alot of sense !!! thanks for pointing that out i never really thought about it like that having him distract me. Mind you it dosnt take much to do that when hes around Rychard if i use the forum to vent my frustrations on any given day im pretty sure i would be suspended or banned LOL sometimes i find my self editing every second word from my posts. I have a bit of a temper at times and a mouth like a trucker. I may start sensoring some of my posts so you can have the full effect. When i had my diagnosis confirmed my exact words were " Isnt that a merrry ______ Christmas and what the ______ is that ? I felt kinda bad for my therapist she had a look like a deer in the headlights.