Sticks and stones...

[colinmackay]

Something I mentioned in another thread: I remember as a child being told "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

It got me thinking. When I was younger I'd take great offense at being called names such as "gay", "queer", "queen", "fruit".

These days I positively revel in them.

For example, I arrange geek dinners and a friend asked if his gf could come along, but she wanted to know if there were going to be any other women there. I responded "no, but will two queens do?"

On the other hand, another friend's bf really dislikes being called a queen, even by his partner.

Maybe I'm just more comfortable with myself these days.

[princealbertofb]

Looks like you certainly are more comfortable with yourself. It's one of the benefits of coming out, as you can see yourself in a new light and even joke about who you are. Before any names like the ones you mentioned would have possibly hurt your feelings because they didn't sound right (and certainly weren't said with the right tone either).

[Synaesthete]

I suppose it depends on the individuals perception of such words. I don't like terms like queen, fag, fag hag, poof etc.

[fredv3b]

On the other hand, another friend's bf really dislikes being called a queen, even by his partner.

I'm in that camp. I tend to take great exception to anything that suggests that I am effeminate. I suspect it is a consequence of my Northern upbringing.

[princealbertofb]

Ot maybe, Fred, just the fact that you are a MAN, a total MAN?

[Genersis]

Something I mentioned in another thread: I remember as a child being told "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

I was told the same thing, oh how wrong they were.

It got me thinking. When I was younger I'd take great offense at being called names such as "gay", "queer", "queen", "fruit".

These days I positively revel in them.

For example, I arrange geek dinners and a friend asked if his gf could come along, but she wanted to know if there were going to be any other women there. I responded "no, but will two queens do?"

On the other hand, another friend's bf really dislikes being called a queen, even by his partner.

Maybe I'm just more comfortable with myself these days.

I think i'm in the same camp(or boat?mile: ) as Fred on this one.
Maybe its because i feel being called these names are degrading and are normaly said as an insult or out of poor humour.
Either that or because I was bullied.

[peterinmalaga]

I think it all depends on the intention of the person calling you a queen or whatever. It's the same for other oppressed minorities. It's OK for Jewish people to comment on how mean Jews are etc. but non-Jews do this at their peril.

[colinmackay]

Maybe its because i feel being called these names are degrading and are normaly said as an insult or out of poor humour.

The way I see it, it is taking the word and redefining it to put a more positive spin on it. If I use it positively (even in jest) then it starts to lose its negative image. A lot has to do with the intonation of the word rather than the word itself. (Like the frenchman in the Matrix movies makes an explitive ridden rant sound alluring)

For example, the sentence "That's wicked!" What does it mean? It depends. Written down, out of context you can't tell. If the speaker is a teenager it probably means "That's great". If the speaker is my granny it will mean "That's disgusting/revolting". So if you were to listen to the way it was said (still out of context from the rest of the conversation) by each speaker you'll then understand what was meant. The enthusiasm of the teenager will be evidently different from the distaste in the voice of my granny.

Either that or because I was bullied.

I'm really sorry to hear that. It took me a long time to realise that bullies are simply very ineffectual people and it is the only way they can maintain control over others. Of course, that is no consolation if you are on the receiving end.

One of my friends commented that since I came out I've been a lot more confident in myself. (I was lucky, it was a very positive experience for me and I found that all my friends were very supportive of me). So, for me the old homophobic taunts just bounce off now. I feel more pity for the person making the taunts than scared for myself these days. (Of course, if the taunt was ever backed up with a threat of violence I'd think differently)

[colinmackay]

I think it all depends on the intention of the person calling you a queen or whatever. It's the same for other oppressed minorities. It's OK for Jewish people to comment on how mean Jews are etc. but non-Jews do this at their peril.

Indeed, but I don't think you have to be a member of that community to make those sort of comments. Just sensitive to / supportive of that community.

For example, a conversation between myself and a straight friend after buying a bag of apples:

Me: Do you want an apple?
Friend: I didn't think that was the sort of fruit you went for?
Me: They didn't have any bananas.

(Well, I thought it was funny)

[fredv3b]

I do take the opportunity to criticise really effeminate guys (I know I really shouldn't), I then tell my straight friends that I can say things like that, they can't.