hello 
I haven't ever thought about registering on such sites, but...
I've decided to try once.
Does anybody has a positive/negative experience?
I don't know anything about it - I don't know how to start a conversation, how to behave myself (I don't like those phrases like "oh you're so sweeet", "kisses honey" and such stuff. Especially telling people how great they are and so on, and at the same time I understand that I can't chat on my usual topics - like work and study and so on - they are connected to IT and that's not the toppic of the common interest usually)
So, waiting for your advices
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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needspeak Wrote:I can't chat on my usual topics - like work and study and so on - they are connected to IT and that's not the toppic of the common interest usually
In London a friend of mine runs a thing called the Gay Geek Dinner from time-to-time - That sounds like what you want in your part of the world. I've been toying with the idea of running one in Scotland. I already do a regular Geek Dinner.
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What's wrong with a normal conversation? Are you talking about chatting online? If so I usually began by asking if it was okay to chat, asking how they are, how their day has been and so on. A simple opening gambit like that usually supplies enough clues as to where the conversation might go next. In a conversation or chat with someone I don't know I usually assume they are not interested in knowing about me unless they ask specifically. If someone doesn't have the courtesy to ask it is sometimes a cue to move on - depends how interesting I find their responses to my questions.
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I had a very positive experience, I met the love of my life on a dating site. So I might be a little biased....
My first piece of advice is to choose the site you use with care, many of the gay ones, seem to be more 'hook-up sites'. So you need to find a site that seems to have a reasonable selection of guys that you might be interested in and are looking for something similar to yourself. Most of the 'straight' dating websites allow you to enter you are a man looking for a man, so don't discount them. Some sites are free, others you have to pay for, my only advice there is that if you went out to a bar, hoping to meet a guy, you'd end up spending some money on drinks, so if were prepared to spend money in a bar, why not on a (good) dating site?
When you register, you have to answer a standard batch of questions about you and what sort of person you are looking for, that the computer uses to match you with potentially suitable guys. (As an aside I particularly remember once being asked what eye colour I prefer in a guy, I know there are some picky people out there, but there is a limit.) After that you then get to write some free-text about yourself, your profile. I found this really difficult to get right, it took me many revisions and rewrites. It needs to be reasonably friendly and easy-going, after all whoever is reading it, is only doing so because the computer said you and him were a potential match. On the other hand it does need to say something about you, give the reader a flavour of what you are like as a person, I remember reading many profiles and thinking that what they had written was true of any normal twenty-something year-old guy, they gave me no reason to think we might actually be a match for each other. You need to put down what is that little bit different about compared to all your competitors. On the one hand your profile needs to get guys interested on the other hand it needs to do some of the work sorting the 'wheat from the chaff', if you are only interested in a serious relationship say so, chatting to a guy who is definitely not interested in a serious relationship is only wasting your time and his. Finally, don't make your profile too long, often times the computer will suggest a long list of potential matches, so a guy will have a quite a few profiles to read, you don't want him to get bored half way through and never read your best bits. Remember, you can always edit your profile, so it doesn't have to be perfect first time. When you are reading a profile that you get a good feeling about, have a think in the back of your mind as to why, what gives you that feeling, does your profile have it? That way even if nothing comes of you and that particular guy he may have helped you polish your profile.
The photo! You need a good photo of yourself, one where you have got a nice smile. Its the first thing that a guy will see about you, so you want something that will catch his eye. If you haven't got such a photo, get a friend to take one.
To answer your question about starting a conversation. Say you liked a guy's profile, mention a shared interest, ask a question about something he mentioned in his profile, let him know you have actually read his profile and are someone who is desperately sending messages to anybody and everybody. Say a bit more about yourself, something you didn't put in your profile. Don't suggest that you've fallen in love with is profile, whether he believes it to be true or false, its off putting, just be honest that his profile caught your eye and you want to know more about him.
Hopefully that all makes sense and is helpful, if you have any other questions just ask.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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marshlander Wrote:What's wrong with a normal conversation? Are you talking about chatting online? If so I usually began by asking if it was okay to chat, asking how they are, how their day has been and so on. A simple opening gambit like that usually supplies enough clues as to where the conversation might go next. In a conversation or chat with someone I don't know I usually assume they are not interested in knowing about me unless they ask specifically. If someone doesn't have the courtesy to ask it is sometimes a cue to move on - depends how interesting I find their responses to my questions.
Yearh, but all of my dialogs were like:
"how areyou doing?"
"fine thanx, and you?"
"i feel fine too, let's chart about anything"
and here i stop cause i don't know how to select the topic.... with a person i don't know at all that's a good hint if something is in interest of the profile, but... 
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fredv3b Wrote:The photo! You need a good photo of yourself, one where you have got a nice smile. Its the first thing that a guy will see about you, so you want something that will catch his eye. If you haven't got such a photo, get a friend to take one.
Yeareh, but I'm still a bit afraid of posting my photos on this kind of sites
i liked ur advice, thank you ))
trying to find payed non-common dating system in Russia... maybe that would be the best choice for me
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needspeak Wrote:Yearh, but all of my dialogs were like:
"how areyou doing?"
"fine thanx, and you?"
"i feel fine too, let's chart about anything"
and here i stop cause i don't know how to select the topic.... with a person i don't know at all that's a good hint if something is in interest of the profile, but... "How are you?" is a potentially closed question. That means the respondant can get away with giving a one-word answer. Make a list of more open questions that you could keep by your computer in case your mind goes blank.
I'm sure other people can chip in with open questions, but here are a few to get you started: - what have you been up to today?
- what are your interests when you are not working?
- what's in the news in your country at the moment?
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Great advice above and just allow it too flow, if they are being a brickwall and not giving you anything you have 2 options
1. Move on to better fish in the sea
2. Change your strategy, the more open you become the more trust you can establish
Goodluck
AJ
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Whether these traits are of you or not, I find that listing yourself as witty, intelligent, and intellectually curious always gets a bite. Hey, if anyone says being truthful always gets you what you want, they are LYING!! LoL
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Ummmm... right, well real basics?
it's best to think of it as real-life with benefits... you wouldn't walk over to that cute guy in the cafe and say "hey cutie, top or bottom?" or maybe you would, and if so I'm jealous!
it's best not to use emotes and things too much, and not come on too strong; it's a real turn-off... ALSO try and get a real grasp of the site and how it works so you don't make mistakes and look silly for all to see.
Otherwise, feel free to nudge, wink and poke... again much like real life, just be wary some people are pretty curt; and if they start acting funny there's man's greatest invention - the Block button.
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