ShinigamiLegend Wrote:... There is a pattern here that needs to be broken here with someone who I can devote myself to and be happy and not be totally D.T.A. (don't trust anybody) were I don't let anybody in at all!
rsconceptions Wrote:Noooooooooooooooooo!! Devoting yourself to someone is DANGEROUS. The reason you are in this problem is BECAUSE you keep devoting yourself to people. Devote yourself to yourself. You can do that and still love others at the same time! Devotion can bring out the worst in all parties. By all means be loving, kind, generous even, but devoted ...? Be the best person you can be. I love my man because he is independent, clever, funny, loving, supportive, loyal, and many more things besides, but more than anything because he loves me without conditions and lets me be who I am. We are two different people with different lives, experiences, ideas and upbringings and the differences make life interesting for both of us. We always have so much to talk about.
Be an interesting person that others would be proud to know.
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ShinigamiLegend Wrote:Woww you 19-20 year old boi's pretty much own that whole Escort/Model scene and can control the entire situation socially in the clubs while us 30-40 year old guys cruise you young boi's often and fall for the scam most of the time! He told me that every time he escorted it was always some guy over 40 and they didn't respect him at all because he was just a 19yr cute kid to be intimate with and talk to for a little while then throw away once they were done!
all his friends were under the age of 30 his boyfreind which is his very first real relationship is 23 and I was the only 33 old hanging around these kids he thought that was weird maybe even pervy he tired to end it once but my mature experience in socializing talked him back into conversing with me then when he found out he lost control of me for getting free stuff and I started defending myself then that's when he told me I was sick for wanted to be his friend he wanted to be left alone and never really could face me after that because of his guilt of using someone to get what he wanted which he could never really admit!
Age is just a number to me you should respect everyone no matter their age young or old! I hope this doesn't mean I cant make friends or start a relationship with a guy that is 19-20 and they start thinking that Iam a pervert for wanting to doing so!?
Love you need to get the FUCK over yourself right now. Escort scene?? Just WHAT are you likening me to?? How fucking DARE you presume to comment on what boys note the lack of an apostrophe 'like me' do.
Furthermore, you presume that your 'cruising' young men is based on any of them being interested in you rather than your effectively HUNTING people WAY out of your age-range. Why not try getting to know people instead of preying on those who don't have the self-respect to know better than to effectively sell themselves??
You didn't have any respect for him or yourself. I wasn't calling you pervert but was pointing out something for you to consider. Given your remarks now i will however inform you that presumptuous and rude men like you disgust me and i wash my hands of this matter.
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shinigami - do you think that buying people stuff and doing loads of stuff for them to get them to like you could be classed as "mature experience in socialising". To be honest, the fact you are looking for close friendships in the cruise/escort scene is like... completely backwards. The escort scene is sex, and nothing else.
The fact is, whether you are in the escort scene or just your typical club... buying people drinks does not get them to like you. It gets them free drinks... which is what they want. It is sad but true. Not all people are like that obviously, but many are.
Especially in a place like the escort scene.... do you really think you are going to develop a deep and meaningful friendship with someone who is part of a scene that is about nothing other than sex? It would be like going to an art gallery and moaning because you wanted to meet people to play football with...
Plus I do not think it is fair to paint all the young guys as the bad guys and the older guys as the innocent victims. Everyone is equally responsible for their own actions.
And Sox was actually just pointing out a fact to you. You suck up to people, they will abuse you. This is what happens with many people in many walks of life. Not just the escort scene. I think you might need to take some more responsibility Shinigami - playing the victim wont help you.
Anyone who chooses to enter the escort scene is immediately placing themselves in a very fragile, vulnerable, unstable and unhealthy environment. And someone who has no respect for themselves cannot respect another person, especially if that other person has no respect for themselves either.
I am sorry you have had such a bad experience, but I don't know what else you expect? You go cruising young guys... presumably meaning you just want them for sex and nothing else which instantly means you have no respect for them... they can't have much respect for themselves if they are in such a place in the first place... then you get upset when you do everything for them and they piss you around.
If you want to meet people for genuine friendships and relationships, go elsewhere. There are plenty of ways to meet people. You will find many young guys who are intellectual, mature, fun loving, good to talk to, respectful, decent and honest. I hope you do! The LGBT community is much wider than just the escort scene.
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Hey dude it sounds pretty bad I think you should just leave that guy away and not talk to him. He will just try to use you again if you stay friends with him. You don't need friends like that. I use to have a friend that I just did what he said. But now that I'm not friends with him anymore I'm happy and free and am never going to let my self get used again.
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Boys who make themselves available as escorts are in it for the money, the gifts, food and drink, maybe going out somewhere, but almost exclusively for the MONEY.
Now, I respect this. A fair and equal exchange is something to be prized, not criticized.
With this said, you admit you called an Escort, then really wanted to change the deal and make it a friendship. Yep, you gave gifts, and tried to give him opportunities.
But the only opportunity he wanted was what more he could get from you. Any sex you received from him was an investment on his part.
My best friend in high school became a rent boy in Hollywood, California. I never lost respect for him for it, and when I got older, I have used the services of Escorts myself. I offered a fair exchange, and took what was my share of the arrangement. Some were really special guys. I was amused and amazed by several, and they became very close, but not friends. You cannot buy friends, and I never tried to change the terms of the deal.
If you are looking for intimacy, it is not a wrong way to find it. Just don't be stupid and make it out to be more than it ever can be.
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Thanks Adeptus and rsconceptions u make alot a of sense but heres what Iam dealing with personally which is a much deeper physiological problem! My inability to let this go until some kind of revenge or peaceful resolution other than what this persons wants which is irrelevant in my mind has alot to do with my childhood growing up and how the outside world consistently rejects me! I can remember when I about 10-13 my dad always told me to go outside a play with the other kids when ever I did that I was always involved in some kind of fight were I was doing the beating or me getting beat up most of the time someone always dominating me or someone was always stealing from me until I just stayed inside away from everyone and lost myself in cartoons,comic books and video games never really socializing with anyone other than school and even that was a problem for me until I was institutionalized for being though of being crazy or psycho more than once during the most part of my teen years because I just snapped on people who constantly harassed me after tiring to "let it go" I would bottle it up until the next time I saw that person then boom explosion it was exhilarating for me to finally get my release but it scared people too much! Ive always though of myself as an evil cold calculating individual once I hit my boiling point and that rage would would never die until it was released! Ive been diagnosed with a manic bipolar disorder which probably the main cause of this maybe its sexual o.c.d. I don't know. I keep seeing his hot perfect body in my mind awake and asleep it just wont stop!
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Can I post pics of him here?
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This is almost like me meeting Zack Efron or Nick Cannon and them doing the same exact thing and I would lose a lot more by losing them out of my life then they would be losing with me not in their life. They would still have the fame the fortune and the good looks with or without me I would lose out on the shared fame plus a lot more by not being in their presence! Doors that open for them and not me will never open for me without them being there.
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ShinigamiLegend Wrote:Can I post pics of him here?
[COLOR="Purple"]Seems to me, that since you already know or believe you have some very sever disorders then you should be seeing a professional before you hurt yourself or someone else.
I always thought and believed that I was mentally perfect (well, not really) but during hep c treatment those meds turn you suicidal. I was fortunate that it was all a chemical imbalance (as many mental illnesses are) and, though I hated anti-depressants, meds helped. Probably saved my life. Treatment ended. "Cured" the hep. I ended the a.d.s but a number of months after learned that treatment had messed up my bodies system disabling me.
Now my depression is situational and not chemical and a.d.s dont work... so I have to be real careful. I am fortunate that I found a psychiatrist on the second go but finding a decent therapist took many years.
I do hope that you are fortunate to get the help you may need.
btw, dont know about posting pics here... there seems to be some sort of restriction on posting things before you make a certain number of posts or thread comments. Also, as this is a forum for all ages, there are restrictions to what sort of pic can be posted... and about legality... well... no idea  [/COLOR]
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No such thing as a chemical imbalance
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