Break up

[adzie]

I finished with my boyfriend a week sunday, we were together for exactly a year. However, over the space of that time I developed a mental illness and have been seeing my doctor for the past 6 months.

This happened because he would NEVER tell me what was wrong or why he was upset, which led me into a state of mind where I blamed myself and saw myself as a seriously bad person, which led to a few attempts of suicide (Because i couldnt picture myself without him).

Anyway, he never ever wanted to go to the 'scene' and I always wanted to try it. So I kept seeing my old mates from school and college and we would all go to the local gay bar and eventually we went to the gay club. Nothing bad ever happened there, i'd just chill, have a few drinks and chat with people.

He was seriously jealous and would always drive to my house to check up on me, or text me constantly to check up on me.

Anyway, he then started somehow having lots of guys from the gay bars on his msn and facebook and eventually texting them. This really upset me and made my illness much worse.

However, once I broke up with him he decided he loved the gay clubs and well' now im sure hes built a reputation and if I go to the clubs, he'd have spread shit around and ill just get shit all night.

Im confused what to do, I just want him out of my life

Adam

[fjp999]

Good luck with it all Adam

[COLOR="purple"]tbh, at such a young age (if you are 18) you should not have to go thru such serious drama. Try to take it a bit more casual now and rewind and learn from this lesson... I wasnt involved in the club scene till a few years later than you so cant really imagine how catty that all can get.

Hope you have a good doc and are taking care of yourself now![/COLOR]

[Kiid]

Go to the bars with your close friends and let them stick up for you. Sort of like they are a protective wall to keep you from the shit he may have spread. Don't spread anything about him or your just as bad as he is. And don't lower your self like that.

[curt-88]

Hey sorry to hear about all that. I kinda went through something similiar with my Ex. Trust me things get better just be strong and hang in there. Oh and is the gay bar really all that its cracked up to be ?

[peterinmalaga]

I am really sorry that you are having such a bad time, Adam, but when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up! I had a jealous boyfriend years ago: we had an open relationship which he exploited to the full and the joke was that he was the jealous one! We went out on the scene and he was jealous when I spoke to friends. But he was going to saunas and doing unsafe sex!!! There's nothing worse than jealousy and nothing more irrational. You will be much better off without your bf once the pain of parting goes.
You must not isolate yourself from your friends and must not let your ex stop you from going to bars etc. People are not all stupid and will not all be taken in vy your ex. You need your friends now more than ever. You need all the support you can get to get you back up on your feet. If you get very depressed you should see your doctor but try to get counseling and don't let him fob you off with medication – that can do as much harm as good. My son had really bad depression for many years but it does end: CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) was what sorted him out and now he is having a really good life. PM me if you want – I was living with his depression for many years and may be able to suggest something useful.
You may not feel good now but splitting up was probably the best thing that has happened to you for quite a while. In the end you will be much stronger.

[adzie]

I had the worst low ever last night! I spent the evening with my mates' driving to Brighton.

However, I was fine. Really happy etc However, I got really tired.

When I'm tired, my 'illness' becomes much worse, always has done. I ended up letting my hurt and feelings overwelm me and I ended up texting him because a guy from a local gay bar told me how fit and cute he is. Which, I just wanted to punch the crap out of the guy for saying that about someone that was/is so important in my life.

Anyway, knowing the fact that yes... I'm going to be in pain for a long time, everyone on the scene is going to know my personal life and exploit that... I felt I didn't want to continue being gay, I wish I could but I can't exactly just click my fingers and be straight, so I took an overdose.

Ive never had these feelings for months, but last night I wrote a note saying sorry to my parents and took about 30 pills and 8 painkillers. I felt so tired and unwell... I eventually went to bed expecting not to wake up, and that made me feel really happy. Unfortunatly, I did wake up... to a huge amount of stomach cramps and sickness

But, why?! Why am I getting like this? Ive not done anything wrong, I'm trying to better my life!

[fredv3b]

If you are writing notes to people and then taking a load of pills you need to go back to your GP and tell him/her about it.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

It sounds like you two have switched places in your former relationship. He would appear to have been jealous of your confidence with your mates and the gay scene, when he was not. Now you have develop a cloud of self doubt in you from his new found confidence with the gay clubs and new friends. The feelings of guilt and the moods of depression are making you ill and suicidal. Stop feeling guilty about it, you did nothing wrong. Go out with your true friends and enjoy your life again, try some new places and you may find love again.

Just keep thinking postive thoughts, good luck mate.

[peterinmalaga]

Have you noticed how fit cuties tend to go out with other fit cuties? So what does that make you? OK some fit and cute guys go out with old toads because they're loaded. But you're not old and loaded, are you? So he went out with you because you're hot and eminently desirable. And being hot, cute etc etc, you have to look after your assets and respect your body, specially if your health has suffered a bit. Your body tells you when you're tired and you know from experience that when you're tired, you're more likely to have stupid ideas and do silly things.
We all think that the sun revolves around us and nobody else but it's not really like that. Some people on the scene may be interested in what's going on in your life – for a while. But like everyone else they are much more preoccupied with what's going on in their own lives. So don't worry yourself about what other guys are thinking about you, you're not that important to the vast majority of them.
I am so pleased that you fucked up with the pills. That's a messy business and causes more problems than it solves.
Listen to your body, Adam, and listen to the people who love you.
xx

[adzie]

Thank you so much. and yes, it does hurt me knowing hes getting comfortable at the scene, because deep down i love him to bits and i try to hurt him as a way to help myself, but i dont know how it help.s

i would love for us to be happy, but im so hurt by him that i feel he deserves to feel the pain i feel,even though he doesn't show emotion, so i do it more

But, as for the pills, my body has been weak and my immune system is all over the place, getting random colds and sores