Hi =D *apologies for the rant*

[Lee]

Hi, im lee =D (well, you would never have guessed from the name) and im 17 (few weeks until im 18 whoooo!) I am just finishing my final college exams at the moment, only 1 left! :biggrin:

well, i dont really know were to start, i kind of stumbled across this website by accident, i was looking for information on coming out, and came across this forum, which seems to be one of a very few that arent pure sleeze, and every one seems genuinely nice and helpful.
So, more on the coming our business, its all kind of complicated, i have been in a long distance relationship for just over 2 years now, and touch wood all is still going well, and soon we will both be at uni's which are 30 mins apart! (cant wait!!) :biggrin: (rather than literally opposite ends of the country) so that has allowed me to still hide in narnia, but at the same time helped me pluck up the courage to come out to some of my close friends, who have all been great about it so far. i will never be the kind of guy who tells every single person i meet, thats just not me, but obviously i would want to tell my parents. I am 'straight acting', and everyone i have asked had no idea i was gay until i told them, but there have been a few slip ups with the parents, so im pretty sure now they know im gay, they arent stupid people, so they must know! the only problem is, there have been occasions were they have passed comments about gay people, which havent exactly been the things i want to hear. so now im having the little war in my head, do i tell them or dont i? i know i want to tell them, and i will tell them, its just finding the right time! At the moment im just finishing my final exams at college, so im going to wait until thats over before i tell them, dont want to add any more stress to the situation. i dont really know what im trying to say here, i supose it just helps to get it off my chest. so ye, appologies for the essay and the rant, but does any one have any tips for coming out? is it a "mum, dad, sit down, i have got something to tell you" situation, or is it one that you just pop in there one day? im just so confused about how and when to tell them, all i know is the sooner, the better!

Thanks you very much for reading my rant, im sorry if it doesnt make much sense, my brain is mushed at the moment from exams!
And thanks in advance for any help, hope to get to know you all!
Speak soon, take care
Lee

[Dark Angel]

welcome to the forums, good luck with your exams and coming out to your parents

[James]

Hi Lee and welcome to gayspeak, from what I have heard and my own experiance mother's are usually easier to talk to than dad's. If you have a close sibling who wouldn't out you to them it is soomtimes better to talk to them first to get how the think it should go down. Parents are a resiliant crowd and usually will bounce back if the initial talk was more than they could deal with. Have fun here, lots of great folks, good luck on the exams, jim

[fredv3b]

Hi James,

Welcome to GS and thanks for your kind words. Am I correct in assuming you will be going away to uni rather than living at home? If so then I suggest you think about waiting till you are living at uni before telling your parents. Things might be initially quite awkward which can be easier if you are not living under one roof.

Just my tuppence worth & Good Luck

[Genersis]

I'd only be mirroring what Fred said if i were to give advice. Soooo.......
Welcome
and
Good luck!:biggrin:

[Lee]

Hi again

thanks for all the very kind words =D

I will be moving away to university, it is around 5 hours away from where i currently live, so i probably wont do too much traveling back home. This is the part were i have to be careful what i say, i dont want it to sound like my parents are bad, or i dont get on with them, because they are great, and i do get on with them! I wasnt sure whether it would be a good idea to wait until i have moved out, and then tell them, or tell them in person, and be around to answer any questions they have. i supose each way would have its good and bad points. i was ideally hoping to tell them before i am 18, i set that as a goal, and i think i may be able to do it, i am getting more confident with it, and have been finding it easier to tell people now.
As for telling my sister first, i have heard that suggested many times, but i dont think that would work in my case unfortunately, me and my sister dont really get on too well, so i think she would probably just out me.

Thanks for all of the advice, has been really useful :biggrin: good to get a few different views

back to the wonderful world of revision :frown:
take care
Lee

[marshlander]

Hello, Lee. Whatever decisions you make it will probably be okay, in fact probably a lot smoother than you imagine.

First priority - finish the exams! Get them out of the way. You don't need to be distracted by parents either bombarding you with questions or with awkward silences interrupting your concentration during your last ditch revision season.

If you are going straight on to university, there is no reason why you couldn't start laying the ground for that discussion when you've finished the exams. It doesn't need to be the big serious revelation when you have got your parents alone in a room somewhere either. Those times when you and your mum are just chatting in the kitchen, or whatever, might be a good time to bring it up. You could steer towards a conversation by talking about a gay friend or mentioning something in the news or take a more direct line. You might even ask for her support in telling your dad. What would she advise being the best way to do that?

Whatever happens, it's your choice. When I finally came out to my dad we had been talking for a while and in the end he just asked me! It was quite a shock at the time, but a huge relief to tell him as well. Your parents seem to have done a great job in raising a considerate son, so I think you'll be okay.

I think you could be right about your sister. If you don't want to tell her, don't. Apart from anything else, it's your news, at this stage, and you don't want her spoiling your fun

Good luck.

[Lee]

Hello, Lee. Whatever decisions you make it will probably be okay, in fact probably a lot smoother than you imagine.

First priority - finish the exams! Get them out of the way. You don't need to be distracted by parents either bombarding you with questions or with awkward silences interrupting your concentration during your last ditch revision season.

If you are going straight on to university, there is no reason why you couldn't start laying the ground for that discussion when you've finished the exams. It doesn't need to be the big serious revelation when you have got your parents alone in a room somewhere either. Those times when you and your mum are just chatting in the kitchen, or whatever, might be a good time to bring it up. You could steer towards a conversation by talking about a gay friend or mentioning something in the news or take a more direct line. You might even ask for her support in telling your dad. What would she advise being the best way to do that?

Whatever happens, it's your choice. When I finally came out to my dad we had been talking for a while and in the end he just asked me! It was quite a shock at the time, but a huge relief to tell him as well. Your parents seem to have done a great job in raising a considerate son, so I think you'll be okay.

I think you could be right about your sister. If you don't want to tell her, don't. Apart from anything else, it's your news, at this stage, and you don't want her spoiling your fun

Good luck.

That seems like a very good idea! im starting to realise it isnt something to be ashamed of, and it isnt a big deal, i am still the person i have always been.

I have a situation which may be a perfect way to come out, or may be a bit full on, im not sure. Liverpool are having their first gay pride this year, i volunteer with st john ambulance, who are providing first aid cover. So, i may tell them i will be attending that duty, which i think will hopefully make them finally ask me if im gay! And if not, i get to go to the first ever pride in liverpool! :biggrin: But i just dont want it to seem too full on, which i imagine it could come across that way.

I have all these plans, i will probably end up telling them when doing something grand and glamerous like washing up haha

Thanks very much for the advice
Lee

[fredv3b]

I agree with Marshy, exams first. Just to clarify I wasn't suggesting telling them on the phone or something like that, it's best done in person. I was thinking in terms if a weekend when you visit them or vica versa, however if you uni is so far away there won't be many such occasions I imagine.