woah. jake. my heart goes out to you!
i almost feel guilty for posting mine in after it.
but its why i came onto this thread...
so here:
i didn't consider coming out until late during my 17th year on this god forsaken planet. You see i live in a small, conservative, country town. a generally homophobic environment. raised by my unintentionally openly homophobic mother.
throughout my school life i had been bullied to such a demoralising extent that i realised after witnessing some local children throwing rocks at, spitting on, and both physically and verbally abusing a boy one year younger than me after coming out, that by doing so i would simply be offering further ammunition.
so, age 17 the end of school education is approaching, i am no longer going to be in the firing line. i decide knowing me i have to force myself to do it by a specific date else i will be closeted for yet another year. first date i set was the end of exams. that failed. then the year 13 ball. that also failed. then i had no upcoming events to set a new dealine too so i sent an email to a friend. she was at the time my 4th best friend. the one who wears pink tights wherever she goes. has dated more gay men that any of her ex's. is generally the most fabulous person you could ever hope too meet and were the internet to fail she would become the new gay netwoking sites as she knows so many.
the email said quite simply:
'i grow weary of narnia.'
because i couldn't bring myself to be any less subtle.
she was unfortunatly completely confused and just ignored it.
a month later i told her on msn that i needed to tell her something.
two weeks later i slipped it into conversation and she MISSED IT?!?!?! so i had to back track and point it out to her. being subtle throughout was my downfall. but she embraced the fact and finally having someone to talk to about it was revitalising. she took me out 'fitty spotting' which instantly became my favourite sport. and guided me through the next month.
then i slowly started to tell friends. until i became more confident and then christmas time came.
new years eve.
my mum came into my room and said.
'slightly embarrassing question, but, erm, why are there gay sites on my laptops history?'
shocked i just told her that i was gay before realising that i have never been on 'gay sites' on her laptop. that someone else must have done said allegations! (most likely my brother...)
she was stunned. like. really really shocked. kept telling me she should have known, was furious she wasn't the first to know, hugged me lots, i dont know why but i felt so ashamed i couldn't look at her, then she left. went donstairs and started to cook. i was left upstairs. and didn't know what the hell to do next! i was amazed she had taken it so well when a few weeks before she had a heated debate with my younger brother about gay issues being broadcasted before the watershed... her arguing it shouldn't be seen by young children, my brother heroically destroying her arguments!
anyway,
went downstairs. kinda wanted to talk about it. but. didn't get anywhere.
i had work the next day, yes new years day. came home to find she had been crying non-stop. had signed up to several websites. joined a 'parental support group' and been on the phone for 2 hours to some poor woman trying to make sense of it all. she didn't want to talk about it with me anymore. and since then (6 months now) we still haven't brought it up.
it was after 3 months that she actually aknowledged it again though. we were on an open day at loughborough uni. she saw a poster that said gay night and wispered 'theres a gay night on, you might not be alone!' as she seems to believe that here in bradders i am the ONLY gay in this village...
when im not.
theres like
3 more..
anyway!
then. i started seeing my current bf. he lives in bristol. she noted that i suddenly started going there an awful lot more and since then has realised i am in a relationship. however she is yet to say 'he' its always 'they' she is yet to ask me about him. or show any interest in this relationship.
last time she brought it up she told me that she was hoping i wasn't going to go to bristol this weekend. as i am supposed to be revising.
its brilliant awkward fun! (y)
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
(that's not meant to be as creepy as it probably looks :redface: )
[/COLOR]
