coming out stories?

[Serfdom]

Good luck. Its not easy to comeout and I admire you for it

[TolbarixZhei]

woooo, this thread is great.. anywho.. i hate to word it this way.. but wow.. there are soo many stories here, and for those who havent had it easy coming out, i really pity you guys.. i dont mean it in a condenscending way, just never had a really hard time coming out to friends, family coworkers, etc.. at my work now actually, im the princess. i tell people usually within the first day.. why? because most of the time you cant tell, and when you do, you really can tell.. haha though i can never hold a candle to most of the flamboyant ones these days *points to the drag queen* ahem!! anywho.. to all that have come out, however many people, however you have done it.. pat yourself on the back. you have overcome something that many people dont do to this day. though it seems more and more to be easier nowadays, there was always a cornerstone that has created the pathway to where we are today.. and to think, when i first came out (7 years ago) this country was a much different place.. it almost seems the fab to be gay nowadays, scary if you ask me

[pocket_pilgrim]

Two of them especially worry me, but I've decided now to come out to the final few of my friends. The problem is they're 100% dedicated Christians who firmly believe that all homosexuals are the spawn of satan and will burn. Now, they're friends with me through other friends, but over the years I've come to like them for who they are rather than their religion as I've never challenged it before - until now.

With this coming out, I will basically be standing for everything they are scared of and I may lose them as a result. I'm scared to tell them so I'm putting it off but that said I'd rather they found out from me than from a third party. The question and problem is - how do I comeout to those who will try to burn me afterwards? Should I bother?

hmm this is a delicate situation. and i may not be the right person to give advice, having come out only to my best friend, but i think that you are right in wanting to tell them yourself. this best friend of mine offered to tell her family herself (they are like a second family to me), but i refused. it's important to show them respect and affection through the simple act of telling them yourself, sincerely, diplomatically and carefully. they will most likely have a very negative response, but the question here is how to make your statement in the best way possible. i'd try to steer the conversation towards the theme of sin, or right and wrong etc., and see if they are versatile about these notions or not. like "is stealing for your children bad?" or other double-edged questions. if they are very strict and blind followers, than the chances of acceptance are diminished. but if they see some reason, maybe you can (next time) discuss what defines a bad man, or how someone goes to hell etc. and work your way into a more personal level. like what they think about the people in their lives, and you especially. then ask what would take to change their minds about someone, and after some talk (in which, hopefully, they will be thinking about some issues), tell them. be honest and brave, lots of eye contact, assure them you are still the same and remind them of all that they appreciate about you. i hope that they will be open-minded enough to learn to live with it, and then accept it. if things don't work out, you will always have one thing: you managed to work through it admirably, and you were sensitive and willing to help them through it. so, you will be at peace. good luck!

[GayComputerDude]

you should .. and sorry --- i know you're worried about "them" but you aren't - it's natural - you need to come out .. just do it .. I have a number of Born Again Christians in my life (as we call then in them in the US) and it wasn't easy and it took them awhile and it won't ever be "right" but in the end we are all just people ... if they really are going to turn away from you ... you don't need them

[Serfdom]

Mmm thanks for the thoughts. I'll give it some thought before deciding on a course of action.

[Shadow]

I realise it's really late in the day for me to be jumping on this thread, particularly as it was started before I even joined :redface:, but my coming out was almost 15 years in the making, and so I had time to plan it all reasonably well ...

Having known I was gay since the age of 6, my perception of the gap between everybody else I knew and myself is something that naturally widened as I grew from childhood through my teens, to becoming a young adult.

Over the years I had built myself up this persona - not of acting really any differently to how I act now, but of wordplay ... when I would have wanted to say "he" I would have said "she" ... I would have rephrased a romantic night with a guy to be "a nite with a mate" and so on ... and the NUMBER of times I would outright lie about finding this or that girl sexy or attractive are more than I care to recount.

I wasn't in denial about who or what I am - I just didn't want to be hated by the people I loved, and I had managed to convince myself (wrongly I might add) that this would be the case, were I to come out to them ... an illusion strengthened by their passing comments (this/that is so GAY, etc., etc.,).

Therefore, I decided to come out to a colleague ... a temp at my office - a nutritionalist and fitness instructor who was doing office work as a wind-down prior to having her first child.

She struck me as being very hip, very chilled-out, very approachable, and (being blunt) I figured IF she had a problem with it, she was a) not a friend, and didn't have access to my circle of friends; and b) a temp, and so wouldn't be at work that much longer than after I'd told her ...

I was nothing short of amazed when she was 100% supportive of it ... and I think she was equally flattered that she was the first person I came out to ...

Since she was so cool about it, I started spiralling from telling her to telling my colleagues, my mates, then my close mates and then finally my two best friends.

I told my mum and brother along the way (although I've still not yet had that conversation with my father - it's kinda a long story. I'm sure he knows, but we've not discussed it).

Nobody has had a problem with it, and everybody that knows about it has got my back ... I know that.

There have been some up's and down's along the way ... like one of my best mates outing me to his parents and then conveniently forgetting to mention it to me ... I think they were hurt that I hadn't spoken with them directly, so they gave me a right grilling which I, in turn, did not appreciate ... and so my best mate got the sharp edge of my tongue for that ...

... but all told it's been pretty-much smooth sailing and, dare I say it ? The biggest ANTI-climax of my entire life (which is one of the biggest veiled compliments I think I can give it) :biggrin:.

everyone.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[drocko17]

as for my mum... still thinking on how im guna tell her :S some advice would be great pm me. anyways thats my life story haha hope u enjoyed ^_^

very good luck johnny!

[wouldlikemuscle]

Well another workmate knows I'm gay now.. bringin the total to 2 there. She was cool with it.

It all came about by me finding out that several of em had been discussing "am i or aren't i". And I hate being talked about behind my back especially if its something they're not prepared to talk about / ask me to my face. So my first workmate, Pete, who's known now for a couple of months (and who never got involved with these discussions - although has been there on a few when they occurred) told me about the convos and I told him that knowing that actually pissed me off a bit, and told him if they discuss it again, to tell them to ask me outright. I was actually a little surprised by who had been discussing it!

Well us 3 went out to lunch today to the pub and the subject came up. She was still too hesitant to ask so Pete asked me for her to which I just said yes. At first she thought we were just pissin about, but then realised, actually, yeh i am.

I know its not really anyone's business and all that, but if they're discussing it, then they might as well know.. if they've got the balls to actually bloody ask me!

Out of the others, a couple were unsure and 2 said no, im just quiet / shy. (awww bless)

[Gay]

"Coming out". I love that term. To me it meant coming out of the frying pan, and straight into the fire.

My "coming out" was not at all thought out, timed rather badly, and wholly affected by the naivety of youth.

In my lowest ebbs, I find myself regretting how, and when, I did it, and regretting that the whole debacle made my paretns react how they did.

I regret coming out, because it saw me homeless two days afterwards.

And THAT is a big anti-climax.

Dan x x x

[Mark]

"Coming out". I love that term. To me it meant coming out of the frying pan, and straight into the fire.

My "coming out" was not at all thought out, timed rather badly, and wholly affected by the naivety of youth.

In my lowest ebbs, I find myself regretting how, and when, I did it, and regretting that the whole debacle made my paretns react how they did.

I regret coming out, because it saw me homeless two days afterwards.

And THAT is a big anti-climax.

Dan x x x

That kinda sucks