Love yourself

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I have mentioned the video that influenced my thinking so much a few times in other threads, but I will mention it again here. It is uploaded by a very nice and good looking (is it OK to talk about gay guys' looks since I'm a girl..?) gay man, Davey Wavey. Here is the link:



So, yeah, I guess one should have self respect and should know himself in order to actually be able to have a good relationship. But what if that one person knows that he is not worth respect at least in some aspects of his personality? And, therefore, he refuses to have respect and love for himself?

I know for myself that I am good in some things and maybe deserve respect because of them, but I do not want to admit is because I know that my self confidence will start growing rapidly. I hate being selfish and I really don't like selfish people. But with people that know that they are worth much the case is different.
How do we find our own value? What if one isn't a good person and knows that he shouldn't love himself?

I am sorry that I can't express my thoughts in a better way. I apologize to anyone having difficulty understanding them. I know the ideas up there are stupid...

[DtotheJtotheM]

I understand.

[Lee]

i think there is a difference between 'loving yourself/respecting yourself' and being selfish. respecting yourself doesnt necesarily mean you have to then think the world revolves around you, and everything is for you.

And you say about some people not deserving the respect, because they know they are not a good person. Everyone has some good points, some more than others. And it is never too late to change, maybe if they start to respect themselves more they will become a 'better' person, and then deserve the respect.

just my 2p worth :biggrin:

[Gareth125]

Having had a background in child care and working with traumatised children , I can say that much of how we percieve ourselves and how we develop meaningful relationships ( or not) is greatly influencedby how we were cared for as a child . A child with significant attatchment problems , suffering abuse /neglect will often have difficulties being able to develop relationships , and will be like this for their entire adult life. Likewise children who develop secure attatchement will often grow up much more able to develop deep and meaningful relationships and able to develop a sense of self worth. There are exceptions to the rule of course and I wouldnt want to label anyone , but it's worth baring in mind when choosing a long term partner. If you are wondering why they behave to way they do it may be worth finding out about their childhood background , and then decide if this person is really ever going to change and are you able to cope being with this person long term. For me life is to short to spend my life trying to fix what can't be fixed , sad as it is .

[SlipknotRlZZ]

So it is all about how you were treated in your childhood? And, yes, being selfish is definitely different than loving yourself.

[Gareth125]

I dont think its all about childhood , but childhood plays a bigger role that i think we realise , especially in extreme cases of behaviour . Everyone can go through egocentric selfish stages

[SlipknotRlZZ]

But what if one's family is fine - it is just that he himself prefers to be detached emotionally from them? Or what if he is always unsure about his qualities? This makes dating and a possible relationship with the person very hard, right?

[marshlander]

But isn't life interesting!

[codis]

i think that if you are able to recognize that their are aspects to yourself and your personality that aren't worth loving, that it makes you a stronger and more realistic person for doing so. After you have recognized your self labeled faults you then can start building upon them, (and i dont mean changing or altering who you are in any way) and make those perceived faults into something that is beautiful and worth loving, or in the very least, something that you yourself can come to accept. just my thought on the issue

[Gareth125]

Its true , when you love someone you learn to accept their faults , all part of the person . It's when those faults being to spill over and affect the relationship . There are some people out there gay or straight who are deeply insecure about themselves , sometimes to do with childhood and sometimes not , for these people no matter how much you try and help them they will never change . I have seen people in relationships go through such lengths to " help" their partners insecurities , only to their own great unhappiness . My advice would be that some things you just cant change . If you dont like what you see to start with they wont change . Better to move on and find someone less challenging to be with . Some people may find this too safe and unexciting enough , but I think life is too short to waste years trying to fix what cant be fixed