Love yourself

[marshlander]

Its true , when you love someone you learn to accept their faults ...

What faults?

[Gareth125]

I was talking about peeing over the toilet seat and leaving the pan lid up Marsh

[marshlander]

:eek: Oh no TMI!!!

I was not asking for specific instances. I was trying to express my opinion that if I started viewing certain kinds of behaviour as "faults" they would be more likely to become a problem for me and within the relationship.

As it is I don't look for, and therefore I don't find, "faults". There are certainly differences in the way we respond to situations and undoubtedly we are two idiosyncratic (some have even suggested verging on the eccentric, but that just shows how little they know ) people, but if we don't find faults we don't apportion blame. Naturally there are times we each need and get support from the other when we could have handled a situation differently. It's easier to give that support if we have not developed a habit of judging the other's actions. This is perhaps easier in a relationship like ours when we spend far too long separated and in different countries anyway and need to make the most of the precious time we have together.

I'm not sure if that's any clearer. Oh well :redface:

Now, what were talking about?

[Sil]

Its true , when you love someone you learn to accept their faults , all part of the person . It's when those faults being to spill over and affect the relationship . There are some people out there gay or straight who are deeply insecure about themselves , sometimes to do with childhood and sometimes not , for these people no matter how much you try and help them they will never change . I have seen people in relationships go through such lengths to " help" their partners insecurities , only to their own great unhappiness . My advice would be that some things you just cant change . If you dont like what you see to start with they wont change . Better to move on and find someone less challenging to be with . Some people may find this too safe and unexciting enough , but I think life is too short to waste years trying to fix what cant be fixed

It's funny when you said this, things with my ex made a lot of sense. When I first met him he was chubby, shy, a bookworm, planning D&D nights and enjoying the furry lifestyle (a favourite of social misfits like myself). He had a distant home-life, lot of teasing and moved schools many times, got bullied into oral at 16, he had a pretty traumatic upbringing. For his life up to 26 years of age he had never had a proper relationship, despite having been through a good number of guys, which is fair enough. He cheated on me in the early stages of our relationship, saying it was 'just sex'. His whole lovelife has been just sex.

Later he would explain his childhood and all the stupid things he'd done and the stories got worse and worse. I started to see a more slutty and different guy than I fell for, who was literally unaware of what love was. But the sadness manifested itself in quite callous ways, a lack of sensitivity, like he was becoming what he hated in part. Confidence became boorishness, confiding became bragging. The most tiring thing was the contradictions - how people can hate themselves, impact on others, and continue the behaviour. He even admits it to himself, that in part he's a jerk, and he can't figure himself out. Whether or not it's his fault or not well, that's the reason I dumped him. Never seen someone look so warm but act so cold. Combine the fact it's not entirely his fault just takes the rod out of your hand.

People can use a lot of smoke and mirrors to defend their behaviour, it's only natural. Nobody wants to feel bad, and most asshole guys (around 95% of us) will lie and do whatever it takes to smooth things over. So I had to accept the way he was, just not with me. Most sadly dissapointing and confusing guy I've ever been with.