My husband and I got married about two months ago. We had a rather brief engagement and moved pretty quickly. There has been some minor issues but nothing we haven't been abable to work thru except one. The first few weeks were a whirlwind of passion and amazing sex, however over the last several weeks it it has decreased dramaticaly. He claims sstress from work to be the cause along with money concerns, his self image,and a myriad of other excuses. Typically I could understand these things playing a role in our issue but the weird part is he is watching porn and jacking off and hiding it from me. Bringing more frustration to the table I have recently found a stash of masturbation toys and cock rings that he has never shown or used with me...what should I do I am at a loss
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Clearly you have to talk with him. I imagine you are shocked but I would try not to appear shocked and try to be non-judgmental and not sound as if you are accusing him. You might justifiably think that you have a right to accuse him but it would not help solve anything. Could you imagine a scenario where you built all these things (and maybe a few more) into your love-making together?
I think it is OK for a person in a committed relationship to jack off on his own sometimes but the problem in your case seems to be that this is happening to the exclusion of sex together.
Is he still loving in other ways (cuddles, kisses etc.)? I think the first six months of a marriage are often stressful, so at this point in time you should focus on enjoying the positive things and on improving the things which have not turned out as you wished. You don't want to cast ourself in the role of the nagging partner, however justifiable that might seem.
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Talk to him! There could any number of reasons for this - why leave it to your imagination to decide whats going on when you can talk and find out from him...
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Congatulations on your recent marriage! I'm sorry to hear the honeymoon seems to be over so soon. It's normal for many couples to tone down the frequency of sex as the relationship matures, but I rather like my partner's philosophy that it's important to keep all the plumbing in working order!
It's a pity your husband feels he has to be so secretive. It could be that he really doesn't have the vocabulary to be able to start up a conversation. There are games you could play if you find it difficult to talk too. However, if you know he likes watching porn you perhaps have at least some idea of what he likes. How about bookmarking some websites for him and getting frisky while you show him? It won't solve the communication problem, which as juk and Peter have already said is a key issue, but it might get you through the door where you can begin to discuss what you both want and expect from each other.
Good luck.
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Thank you all for the advice. After calming myself and collecting my thoughts I initiated a frank and honest discussion with him and we were able to begin working on a more open dialogue. I think that the key here is going to be maintaining open channels of communication rather than worrying that i may offend by expressing my concerns or needs. After the convo he decided to prove that he is concerned about my needs and we had the best sex to date. Again thanks so much for the good advice!
leftofcentre1985
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Awesome stuff leftofcentre!!!!
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OOOps did someone already say that?
