The "Aha!" Moment

[vajbff]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but no other section really fit lol.

Anywho, so the majority of the gay community will usually say, "I've always known I was gay/Bi/a Lesbian, even when I was little." But what about those that weren't? Those that were straight, knew they were straight, and never doubted or questioned it. And then, after a certain event or encounter or what have you, you suddenly developed or discovered this new side to yourself that you never knew existed.

I've heard it called a lot of things. The "Aha" moment, discovering yourself, finding the real you (which I don't necessarily like cause that implies that your former "self" wasn't real), and a number of other phrases. Either way, the person is now living life with this new found sexuality and doesn't always know how to deal with it. They can't say well I've always been like this, but they can't say they chose it either since of the time folks in this situation have fought it tooth and nail before finally accepting it and the fact that they can't just "Wish it away" or stop.

I myself went through this, only recently coming out to myself after almost 4 years of denial and still in the process of coming out to my friends and family. Has anyone else experienced this or have any thoughts on it?

[peterinmalaga]

Welcome!
I always say that I knew I was gay when I was 8. This isn't strictly true because at 8 I didn't even know the word "gay". What happened was that after I came out to myself, I started to re-examine my past for possible traces of gayness and I found plenty! All those years when I was living in denial, I was viewing my life through a lens which distorted everything. I think a lot of people have this experience.
So life begins again now. Good luck.

[marshlander]

Not quite an "aha" moment, more a gradual realisation over a period of months of questions about why I, and my relationships with my loved ones, were such a mess. As a performer it felt like the curtain being raised to reveal very slowly what was on the other side. The closest to the aha moment was the putting all the pieces of the jigsaw together one night when my band played an AIDS charity gig. The electric shock was a very uneasy feeling that I "knew" these (gay) people. That threw me into a panic that lasted for weeks, during which time I found myself reviewing my whole life and finally putting things into context. Weird.

[PrinceMuzic]

It wasn't really an aha moment. I kinda always knew I liked guys but admitted it to myself in like 10th grade with the support of some other friends.



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[Mark]

Mmm I was dating a girl for... roughly two years - in my teens still but that was a fine relationship then I'm not really sure just didn't feel right and yeh.. Discovered I liked guys x]

[fx2585]

i was in denial back in high school even though i've fooled around every now and then. after graduation i joined the military because i thought it would kick the gay out of me LOL (and no i had better reasons, although i thought it was a possibility). i finally had that moment mid-training, however, i didn't act upon it until over a year later after i joined once i moved to europe. didn't come out to my family until after the fact. i guess it took a few years to finally come out fully.

[vajbff]

I never really even considered a girl as more than a friend before 5 years ago. I liked boys and that was it. In fact, I'm a little ashamed to say it now, but I thought the gay lifestyle was disgusting. I had the plan of finding Mr. Right and getting married, having the kids, getting a dog, and buying a house, and all that jazz.

Then in college I met a girl through a friend that was Bi. She wasn't very in your face with it, but she had the hots for Jessica Alba and wasn't shy about letting you know lol. I forget how it all happened, but me, her, and a mutual guy friend ended up having phone sex fairly regularly. It became a running gag that I was getting off to her and not him, and that I was Bi-curious. At the time I can say I wasn't attracted to her and didn't want her. In fact, I had a bit of a crush on the guy, but him and her already had a thing going on and I didn't want to mess with that. I react to sound. So technically I could just listen to porn, not even see it, and get off.

Then a joke bet came about a month before my birthday that if she rode the Superman ride at Six Flags, she could prove to me that I was Bi-curious. Well the bet became real, then I spent a month scrounging up month for a trip to St. Louis lol, the last few weeks trying to psych myself up for my first same-sex sexual encounter. I was scared out of my mind truthfully. Then I figured well if I'm gonna be doing this, I better start thinking about what the heck I'm gonna be doing. So I hesitantly began entertianing thoughts of sex with a girl, what it'd be like, what I'd do lol. In the end, I was the one to make the first move cause she got nervous lol.

We dated for a few months, but I ended it due to my religious beliefs. I felt like two people in one body: One falling in love with this girl, and the other feeling like I was betraying God by being with her. Then I went the next two years pinning after an old college marching band friend, and that's when I met the girl that totally flipped my world upside down.

When I started my current job, she was one of my co-workers. She was the first girl I was ever immediately drawn to. At first I didn't know why. Then I realized it was cause I was attracted to her, and not just personality-wise, but physically and everything. Even her scent drove me crazy. And it freaked me out cause I was supposed to be "over that gay stuff". I fought the feelings for about a year, busying myself with the guy and other things. I lost my V card to him and it wreaked havoc on our friendship.

I ended up confiding in her about stuff, and then one night we randomly decided to go to the local gay bar here in town, mostly so i could see what everyone was talking about. Well we got super drunk (I actually threw up) and I ended up in her bed. Then a few days later I called to meet up again... and we did several more times. All the stuff I'd been suppressing just sorta flared up and I fell for so fast, it was rediculous.

Dating her was the best experience of my life. Literally everything I wanted in a relationship. It took a long time to realize it, but I finally was able to see that the "dream" I'd had of being with a guy could still be achieved with a girl, and that's when I decided to stop fighting it. Unfortunately we broke up about a week after I made that realization, but rather than burying it like last time, I've embraced it and just feel right now.

So for me, I was straight, and now I'm Bi. There were never any clues or tip offs or anything. I was a tomboy and had a lot of guy friends, but aside from that, I didn't have any feelings for girls. I just tried it one day and decided I liked it and that was that.