Affection in an Open Relationship

[juk]

Mmmmm, well I know that I personally couldnt do an open relationship because when I am with someone I want them all to myself - however I dont judge those who decide an open relationship is for them because the world is mixture of people and preferences.

What I would say, however, is if you go with being in an open relationship do so because its something you want to do - dont do it if its a compromise. If you go along with it purely to remain in a relationship with the guy, then thats a bad place to be in. If you would choose to be in a relationship that is open then fine, I can imagine there may still be some issues of jealousy but you may find a way round that?

Sorry, thats no help really is it?!

[cubaduda]

It's very helpful to read about the experiences and opinions of others on this subject. I have been in a type of open relationship for almost 3 years, which has frequently been broken off only to resume within a week or two given continuing feelings and compatibility that we have for each other. I should note I am 60 (passive), he is 40 (top). Occasionally we hook up with other guys for one-time experiences or 3somes. But my partner hooks up a little more often - at least once a week on average, though I literally try to keep up with him ("candy for candy" is our rather childish practise!). The issue is when this hooking up involves guys he has known for some time (occasionally years) and with whom, when it is possible (i.e. they do not have a returning bf, gf or wife), he spends the night. Occasionally it is not just hooking up with someone new, but a full date with dinner, tennis, whatever. When this occurs, I feel he is just using me as a more frequent and convenient FWB because it appears his feelings for me are no different than with these other FWBs. He says they are just friends and a chance for sexual variety, that it is only me he "loves", and that I get at least 80% of his time and attention. So... after being uptight (and sometimes without libido) briefly, I succumb to his charms and we continue in our open relationship. By the way, he has his own place but stays with me about 4-5 nights a week. So, tell me, am I a fool to accept this and carry on?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Personally I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who wants to share me with another man, nor should my man expect me to share him with anyone else.

These 'bad' feelings you are having are telling you that you are not an open relationship type person, and staying in such a relationship is harming you - hurting you - causing you pain.

Now lets say you were hitting your thumb with a hammer, would you continue hammering at your thumb or would you stop?

If you would stop physical pain, then why not stop emotional pain?

Relationships are a process of commitment, compromise and concessions.

He is hurting you - I seriously doubt he is hurt as much as you are when he doesn't have sex with these other men. In this case he will have to compromise and give in to your pain.

I and my domestic partner (legal DP) have been together going on 20 years now. It has been 100% monogamous (it better be or someone is in deep do-do ;-) ) and while we both have the occasional wandering eye, getting our appetites elsewhere, we always - ALWAYS - eat at home (metaphorically speaking).

We are growing gray and wrinkled together, have invested our selves to each other, financially, physically, emotionally and we even have dogs together. Believe it or not this is the 'new' Gay Dream, to live an open and honest relationship with one person.

Open doesn't mean having sex with others, it means that everyone who knows us knows we are gay and we are 'married' to what little extent the law will allow.

Yeah sure we have had our 'bad years' of constant bickering and fighting, but we have had our good years as well, and we hope that it will all end on a great year.

I tell you this to let you know that gay men can have a committed, long term relationship and at the very least act like a monogamous married couple.

If that is what you want with Mr. 10 months, then you need to tell him and he will need to either accept it or you two should go your separate ways.

Yes that will be hard, and yes that will hurt, but it will hurt a lot less than watching him holding on to someone else while wishing it is you.