09-09-2010, 01:07 PM
Hello guys
Ive got a bit of a situation going on and would really like some advice on how to deal with it, or what the next step should be.
i met this guy 2 months ago, we instantly clicked, we chatted for a week or so via mail/msn/text/phone an decided to meet up in person, there was this instant connection between us, we just clicked straight away an it was a nice meet, we didnt have sex, we just went for a drink an chatted for hours an then went onto a club.
Now the prob with this guy, he has more baggage then heathrow airport!
he lives with his ex BF who he was with for 14 years they own a house together. they have been split for 7 months and sleeping in diffrent rooms, he also has a child from his teenage years. these i do not find an issue, i like this guy so i can deal with it,
Anyways as time has gone by an we have been meeting up a lot more regular, ive introduced him to family and he gets on really well with them.
but this is where it gets complicated...
We are just friends very close friends to be exact, i told him stuff id never tell anyone an vice versa an we seem to have had a very similar life. so we have a really strong connection.
anyways ... after a few weeks, we started getting feelings for each other, we show genaral effection for each other an share effectionate thoughts etc..etc
But he isnt ready to move on because he is scared of hurting his ex bf (who he still lives with hmmm suspicious much?), which i totally understand if this is the case. 14 years is a long time to have been with someone.
last week he told me, that he is back sleeping in the same bed as his ex, but there is NO sexual contact, as this is why they broke up, they was no intamacy an the relationship seemed to have faded. but he has decided that he would like to try an rekindle the relationship they had. fair enough i said, we wasnt official anyways, so who was i to stop him, ive met his ex a couple of times an he seems a nice guy, good luck to him.
we still talk every day and all day most of the time, but our conversations havnt changed we still feel the same for each other and we still tell each other how we feel and that we should only stay friends but we both know its more.
i get txts saying i miss you, can we meet up, go to cinema/meal/drinks etc.etc. (Note: we havnt had sex at all yet) its a really nice loving friendly relationship we have, but we know there is more to it.
But the thing is, im hopeing it will be more as i havnt never met another guy who i have actually felt this way about before. even my 2 x's didnt make me feel this way. even this guy is hopeing for more. but he is just scared of hurting his X or BF or whatever he is at the mo. an he keeps saying to me in time, or time will tell. but then other times he's like when we get together it has to be for life an 1 on 1, no cheating etc.etc which i totally agree with. thats what i want.!!!
Me and him actually do act like bfs when were together, we snuggle there is the intamacy, kissing, tickling, its very loving. an it does feel like a genuine relationship in a way..
But in spite of all this, i actually am now starting to feel like a secret. because he's still with his x. an there in the same bed, im kinda thinking is this guy just using me because he isnt getting the emotional needs from his bf?
he also wants me to move closer to him so he can see me more, as i live about an hour away just on the outskirts of the city.
i just dont know if i should cut it off completely before it gets even more complicated or incase i am just an affair or emotional substitute.
i know this sounds all messy and might not make much sense, but if u have any questions about anything plz ask.
I really dont know what to do next, as i like this guy a LOT but i dont wanna be just a little secret if thats the case, Advice welcome, please help me out. :confused:
Ive got a bit of a situation going on and would really like some advice on how to deal with it, or what the next step should be.
i met this guy 2 months ago, we instantly clicked, we chatted for a week or so via mail/msn/text/phone an decided to meet up in person, there was this instant connection between us, we just clicked straight away an it was a nice meet, we didnt have sex, we just went for a drink an chatted for hours an then went onto a club.
Now the prob with this guy, he has more baggage then heathrow airport!
he lives with his ex BF who he was with for 14 years they own a house together. they have been split for 7 months and sleeping in diffrent rooms, he also has a child from his teenage years. these i do not find an issue, i like this guy so i can deal with it,
Anyways as time has gone by an we have been meeting up a lot more regular, ive introduced him to family and he gets on really well with them.
but this is where it gets complicated...
We are just friends very close friends to be exact, i told him stuff id never tell anyone an vice versa an we seem to have had a very similar life. so we have a really strong connection.
anyways ... after a few weeks, we started getting feelings for each other, we show genaral effection for each other an share effectionate thoughts etc..etc
But he isnt ready to move on because he is scared of hurting his ex bf (who he still lives with hmmm suspicious much?), which i totally understand if this is the case. 14 years is a long time to have been with someone.
last week he told me, that he is back sleeping in the same bed as his ex, but there is NO sexual contact, as this is why they broke up, they was no intamacy an the relationship seemed to have faded. but he has decided that he would like to try an rekindle the relationship they had. fair enough i said, we wasnt official anyways, so who was i to stop him, ive met his ex a couple of times an he seems a nice guy, good luck to him.
we still talk every day and all day most of the time, but our conversations havnt changed we still feel the same for each other and we still tell each other how we feel and that we should only stay friends but we both know its more.
i get txts saying i miss you, can we meet up, go to cinema/meal/drinks etc.etc. (Note: we havnt had sex at all yet) its a really nice loving friendly relationship we have, but we know there is more to it.
But the thing is, im hopeing it will be more as i havnt never met another guy who i have actually felt this way about before. even my 2 x's didnt make me feel this way. even this guy is hopeing for more. but he is just scared of hurting his X or BF or whatever he is at the mo. an he keeps saying to me in time, or time will tell. but then other times he's like when we get together it has to be for life an 1 on 1, no cheating etc.etc which i totally agree with. thats what i want.!!!
Me and him actually do act like bfs when were together, we snuggle there is the intamacy, kissing, tickling, its very loving. an it does feel like a genuine relationship in a way..
But in spite of all this, i actually am now starting to feel like a secret. because he's still with his x. an there in the same bed, im kinda thinking is this guy just using me because he isnt getting the emotional needs from his bf?
he also wants me to move closer to him so he can see me more, as i live about an hour away just on the outskirts of the city.
i just dont know if i should cut it off completely before it gets even more complicated or incase i am just an affair or emotional substitute.
i know this sounds all messy and might not make much sense, but if u have any questions about anything plz ask.
I really dont know what to do next, as i like this guy a LOT but i dont wanna be just a little secret if thats the case, Advice welcome, please help me out. :confused: