09-20-2010, 07:51 PM
I'm not going to claim to have the answers to your questions, because no two couple are ever the same. However, I did go through the exact same experience with my last partner, and what I can do for you is to share my experience.
For starters, I agreed to the open relationship for the same reasons as you: because that's what my partner wanted and I thought it would save our relationship. What we ended up having in the long run was big hot mess that ultimately lead to our break up. I'm a 41 year old, white bear and my partner was a slim, 27-year-old, black man. Needless to say, it was near impossible to find a third partner who was interested in having sex with both of us, which often resulted in either me or my partner feeling left out of the party. For me, the jealousy became suspicions and the suspicions became obsessions. All of a sudden, every telephone ring took on an ominous tone and every text message became a possible infidelity.
To make a long story short, we battled back and forth on this for two long years, with me trying to relax and just go with the flow and my partner becoming more and more obsessed with the game. In the end, my jealousy and suspicions ended up suffocating my partner, and his lack of disclosure and willingness to compromise drove me nearly insane with jealousy. So, we finally sat down a couple of months ago and agreed to end the relationship in order for him to go out and explore what he needed to explore.
Ironically, we still share an apartment because we were under a two year lease agreement, and our relationship has never been better. Since we're no longer "together," I can relax and be happy for him in his discoveries, and we're both free to date other men more suitable to the individual. And my ex-partner's sexual skills have improved tremendously since he started dating other men, and he now can't wait to rush home and tell me all about who he talked to online or the details of a hookup, which I now find to be a huge turn on. I know this seems like an odd ending to my story; but, it's worked out better for us to be roommates with benefits moreso than trying to be in an open relationship and to have threeways, and I can now imagine a time when we could grow back together and the trust will be there for me. I hope that's not more confusing than informative. As I said at the beginning of this response, I don't have any concrete answers for you, but I do know that no two couples are alike, and that it's alright to experiment together.
The Antagonist
For starters, I agreed to the open relationship for the same reasons as you: because that's what my partner wanted and I thought it would save our relationship. What we ended up having in the long run was big hot mess that ultimately lead to our break up. I'm a 41 year old, white bear and my partner was a slim, 27-year-old, black man. Needless to say, it was near impossible to find a third partner who was interested in having sex with both of us, which often resulted in either me or my partner feeling left out of the party. For me, the jealousy became suspicions and the suspicions became obsessions. All of a sudden, every telephone ring took on an ominous tone and every text message became a possible infidelity.
To make a long story short, we battled back and forth on this for two long years, with me trying to relax and just go with the flow and my partner becoming more and more obsessed with the game. In the end, my jealousy and suspicions ended up suffocating my partner, and his lack of disclosure and willingness to compromise drove me nearly insane with jealousy. So, we finally sat down a couple of months ago and agreed to end the relationship in order for him to go out and explore what he needed to explore.
Ironically, we still share an apartment because we were under a two year lease agreement, and our relationship has never been better. Since we're no longer "together," I can relax and be happy for him in his discoveries, and we're both free to date other men more suitable to the individual. And my ex-partner's sexual skills have improved tremendously since he started dating other men, and he now can't wait to rush home and tell me all about who he talked to online or the details of a hookup, which I now find to be a huge turn on. I know this seems like an odd ending to my story; but, it's worked out better for us to be roommates with benefits moreso than trying to be in an open relationship and to have threeways, and I can now imagine a time when we could grow back together and the trust will be there for me. I hope that's not more confusing than informative. As I said at the beginning of this response, I don't have any concrete answers for you, but I do know that no two couples are alike, and that it's alright to experiment together.
The Antagonist