I don't know what to do about this guy...

[TuxSky]

This is gonna be a long story but here goes!

So, I've known this guy since what I think would be 8th Grade in America. We had lots of things in common and quickly became best friends. Around what must have been 11th Grade he opened up to me about his relatively bad family life and I was just devastated, I couldn't believe he was going through all that. After that event we developed a kind of brother-like relationship, we grew even closer than we were before. We always had some homoerotic moments but after all that he got comfortable enough with me to say that he loved me. When he said it, it was like in the movies, where everything goes slow, when he touched me I felt this heat, it was so amazing. I realized I was in love with him, but he was straight so I didn't say anything. Eventually, he got a girlfriend and that's when things got complicated.

I got bitter, jealous and manipulative and even tried to break them up (I regret it and I'm so ashamed) and eventually they did break up, but it wasn't my fault, it was all her.... honest! Afterwards, he got some new friend and I felt really left out and I guess he picked up that I felt sad a whole month afterwards. We had this really intimate conversation and he says that I'm the most important person in the world to him (Yes, he's straight, we were just that close). Because I liked him so much I did everything that he asked for me, I don't know if he picked up on my feelings and was purposely using me but I was desperate and did whatever he asked, no matter what it was and I can only imagine how pathetic I looked.

Eventually, we graduated and I didn't hear from him for about 2 years but now, all of a sudden he's talking to me again! I don't wanna get into psycho-desperate love again and he might just want to use me (if he IS onto my feelings and know that I would do anything for him), I want to just kind of forget about him. The amount of times where I just felt so sad because of my unrequited love for him is unbelievable. What should I do? Do you think he was using me? I just feel so confused, I keep thinking he might like me back if I just wait but he's straight, there might be someone else out there who's gay. I don't wanna be so hung up on him.

So, there's my long scenario. Thanks in advance I guess. lol

[fenris]

Hm ... If he is straight and you are gay, there are not much possibilities. But what I think is, why you both don´t get a good friendship ? I mean... it seems that you both like another and maybe need you. Sure ..you can end the friendship .. but why ? I would try to talk with him.... talk about your feelings and that it can be that you react jealous.... If he is the friend you mean he is he would understand.
And you should watch that you react not jealous ... be a friend.... not more. I know, its hard for the first time.... but it will be easier if you get a boyfriend.

For me it dont seems that he is using you. And if he sudden talks to you again it may be because he miss you as a friend.... Be the friend, but watch that you never get back into this homoertic thing... that hurts you both.

[Aaycle]

I shall have nothing more to say,fenris gave great advice. ponder it wisely.

[marshlander]

You don't really go into much detail about the kind of demands he was making of you so it's difficult to comment on whether he was exploiting your feelings for him or not. Teen years can be very hard. I remember spending long nights wondering why my friends didn't want to invest as much in our friendships as I felt I was doing. Eventually we learn the best way to protect ourselves.

Best wishes to you.

[fredv3b]

Nothing you've written makes me think he was deliberately using you, obviously I can't comment on what you haven't mentioned.

Have you considered being honest with him about your feelings? Perhaps it might give you some closure regarding your unrequited love or at least he could be careful not to say or do anything that might give new life to old feelings. Just a thought ....

[TuxSky]

Tell him about my feelings? Well, I remember one night I was going to tell him on MSN and then chickened out and told him something else instead. After telling him about that something else, he said he thought I was going to tell him I was gay so I just joked around and asked him so what if I was. He told me not to joke like that and even if being gay was acceptable that he wouldn't want me to be gay. It's strange that I only now remembered that conversation, I guess that rules out his feelings for me too. *sigh* He's my first love. =\

I guess I'll just be friends with him and try not to have my feelings ruin our relationship. His friendship is important to me and if he's talking to me just to reconnect then I'll continue to be his friend.

Thanks guys! And it feels so good to actually be able to talk about this and not change details (him -> her).

[posterpicture]

I found myself in here. Hence, I am going to give you my story first and then give you advice.

I met my best friend 3 years ago, the moment I saw him, there was a spark. At that time I was a senior in my high school and he was a tutor. At first, I thought he was gay because we just met and he asked me for my email and phone number so we could hang out. (And he looks kind of cute - in gay way). One time, we got drunk and had sex. ( or actually, I seduced him?) It turned out after that he is no gay. He is totally straight. We developed a strong bond friendship after that, and now we are like brother (my whole family seems him like a family member and he lived in my parents house for a whole summer). Our friendship has been through a lot including countless sex and argument, but it 's always strong. I confessed to him that I loved him more than a best friend 2 years ago but he told me that he love me most in the world but it 's like a brotherhood. Well, I tried really hard to make him fell in love with me but in the end I just gave up. But I always let him know that I love him more than a best friend no matter what he says or does.

Now, let see how it relates to your story. My best friend is the kindest and most caring person I ever knew in this life. He cares about everyone and let everyone takes advantage of him. So I don't think he will ever use me for anything. However, he asked me to do something for him and it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. He asked me to not be gay, to not have sex or in relationship with any other man. I told him that I can not control who I am but I would not do any gay thing with other people other than with him. I promise him that not because I am deeply in love with him but also because I really respect our friendship and I don't want to trade anything for that.

TuxSky, just like my friend, your friend respects that you are gay but he does not want that because he loves you (as a friend). He wants the best thing for you and obviously being gay associates with having a lot of difficulties and pains in your life. If he starts talking back to you that mean he is missing his friend. You will be a big idiot if you ruin a friendship because of your one-side love. Just be his friend, and when your friendship gets stronger, tells him who you are, and how you feel about him. But also tell him that you respect his feeling and your friendship is more important than anything even your love. If he loves you back as a lover then congratulation. If he does not then you do not lose anything, and at least gain a more secret to share with your friend.

Good luck with that.

[marshlander]

I found myself in here. Hence, I am going to give you my story first and then give you advice...

I don't doubt your sincerity, but this story is disquieting on a number of levels. There needs to be a bit of balance here, so excuse my bluntness. First of all, a tutor and a high school student having a sexual encounter?! That is wrong by any interpretation!! :mad: In the UK we sometimes say that the difference between a straight man and a gay man is five pints of lager and, by your account it sounds like it is true, but if he is having sex with you (not just a one-off experiment, but repeatedly if I've understood you correctly) he is not straight, whatever the hell he thinks he is.

Just because he has one view of sexuality it is not his right to impose it on you. If you are gay there is nothing he can or should do about it except, if he is your friend, he will rejoice with you in your moments of happiness and be a shoulder to lean on when you need support. He will also know when to stand back and let you reach fulfilment through other relationships. What he is demanding of you is not reasonable and certainly not the action of a friend. As for you, I know nothing about you apart from what you have revealed here, so I will address that man (who I fully accept is probably not the man behind the keyboard). Let him dictate your relationships and behaviour like this and you will diminish your own sense of worth over time. However much you love his company it all comes across as very corrosive.

Best wishes to you.

[posterpicture]

Believe or not by my story is true. Our friendship has been through a lot and sometimes I feel like I can write a book about that if I come out of the closet ( which probably not going to happen =___= ).

By the time we have sex, he already quit his tutor job. He was a very intelligent guy who valued friendship than anything so when we became friends he decided that if he kept hanging out with me ( ie. pick me up everyday after school ) it may raise some legal issue so he quite his job right ( actually it was also because my high school's principle was a jerk who asked him to teach a whole class even thought he was just a tutor ).

Secondly, technically I already graduated from high school when we had sex so there was nothing wrong in here. I don't want to talk about that but the way I went to high school was different from any one in here, let just call that I graduated early. Also, I am the seducer for the first one so it 's not immoral for him.

I understand that he should accept that I am gay. He tried really hard to accept, I can tell. But It is just hard to do. Even myself feels hard to breath if anyone in my family is gay. You may not believe that he is a good person but I believe that because we have been friends for years. In our friendship, most of the time, the bad guy is me, not him. We have traveled together more than 15,000 km so I know how he treats and takes care of me as a best friend.

As the part he is gay or not. I believe that he is not gay. We are just too close to do everything together. Half of me wishes that he is gay and that he is just trying to refuse his true personality and he restricts me because he is jealous. That gives me a little bit of hope. However, half of me wishes that he is straight because as I mention above, I am not shameful to be gay but being gay means having hardship. I don't want anything bad happens to him.

To be honest, I am living in the US but none of my family member is around. I moved here from a diffident country and I am working really hard to pursuing my career here. In the culture that I come from, gay is something unacceptable. People don't throw rocks at gay people but always make fun of gay people. It is a collective culture so I was raised in love of my whole family and sometimes family is more important than your own life. I am pursuing the wrong way that a lot of gay men have done. I am going to get marriage with a girl and then have my kids, have my family although I am not sure that I will be happy. I don't want to break my parents heart, my friend's heart that I will marriage a guy. It sounds like a big scarification but it is nothing compare to what my family and my best friend have done for me. Also, even in the US, gays are discriminated. If I will graduate from college soon and I will have to go to the world where I have to choose to be gay or to be a successful man.

Sorry to talk to much about myself, but actually before I accidentally got into this forum, I had no one to share my story with. I hope that it will have the OP to relate to his own story and find a wise decision.

[eastofeden]

I don't want to break my parents heart, my friend's heart that I will marriage a guy. It sounds like a big scarification but it is nothing compare to what my family and my best friend have done for me. Also, even in the US, gays are discriminated. If I will graduate from college soon and I will have to go to the world where I have to choose to be gay or to be a successful man.

To not be who you are is a death sentence for your soul....do your parents or any of these people who you love so much love YOU enough to let you be who you are? If not...you might want to consider loving yourself enough to dismiss what they might think. If you really beleive you have to "choose" between being gay or being a successful man that is just sad. I am a successful man who is gay...period. I hope you can come to that conclusion yourself.