09-26-2010, 08:57 PM
Hi,
I felt compelled by curiosity to pose a question. A phrase I have heard said on several occasions, by straight women, on seeing an attractive gay guy is 'What a waste'. It always irritates me, because it sounds to me quite dismissive. Really, it suggests that to have a relationship with another man is in some way less legitimate than a heterosexual relationship. I wonder, does it come from the assumption that the man will not father children, thus not spread such good genetics? Or does it mean simply that the man would be better off with her than another man? Does she assume he would want to be in a relationship even if he was straight? I am not sure, though I suspect women who say this have not thought deeply about what it could imply either. Often, I hear it said by women who would not consider themselves homophobic at all, perhaps even who have many gay friends and acquaintances.
What do you think? Do you think this is an offensive thing to say? Am I reading more meaning into it than really exists?
Thank you!
I felt compelled by curiosity to pose a question. A phrase I have heard said on several occasions, by straight women, on seeing an attractive gay guy is 'What a waste'. It always irritates me, because it sounds to me quite dismissive. Really, it suggests that to have a relationship with another man is in some way less legitimate than a heterosexual relationship. I wonder, does it come from the assumption that the man will not father children, thus not spread such good genetics? Or does it mean simply that the man would be better off with her than another man? Does she assume he would want to be in a relationship even if he was straight? I am not sure, though I suspect women who say this have not thought deeply about what it could imply either. Often, I hear it said by women who would not consider themselves homophobic at all, perhaps even who have many gay friends and acquaintances.
What do you think? Do you think this is an offensive thing to say? Am I reading more meaning into it than really exists?
Thank you!
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
) and , like Fred, think it more of a compliment than anything else. The thing is, though, were I straight, I'd be someone else and she might not be interested in that person. As it is, being gay, I'm safe and she can say things that maybe sometimes wouldn't be said to others? On occasion I have, in response, mentioned that my boyfriend doesn't think it a waste at all and, in fact, is rather pleased that I'm gay 
