Is he subtly hinting or is he just comfortable with himself?

[Anonymous]

I am really hopeless at detecting someone thats a gay so...

Theres a guy,
Hes not a stereotype gay but...
He never stops talking about gays. Like all the time. Like he constantly makes gay innuendo jokes. Not every now and then. Like, all the time. And he "pretends" to be gay for "a laugh". He's the kinda guy that points out people that are gay. In response to the question "How do you know *insert name* is gay?" he says "Because WE'RE different" in the kinda way that u don't know whether it's a joke or not... And I know it doesn't mean much these days, but I'm pretty sure he wears concealer...? Lol.

On the other hand...
He's very straight in pretty much all other ways.
And he's had girlfriends. He might even have made out with a girl only a couple of weeks ago.

I'm really confused. I find it impossible to distinguish between "really comfy with my sexuality" or "I'm trying to tell you something please take the hint".

He never confirmed or denied being either gay or straight... so I dunno.

Help.

And say... like, hypothetically... I found this guy like... very cute... And I really don't want him to know that I am into boys unless he's into boys too. It's not even really a choice... I really just CAN'T have him know unless he's gay too. For extended complicated reasons that would take too long to explain well lol.

Any advice on subtle come ons... or advancements? Lol that sounds seedy. But you know what I mean. I hope. Or even anything to watch for that might give him away? And don't say teh way that he walks lol, it's not like that.

Thanks.

[matty7]

gaydar is not perfect lol, but from, what you say then this person is on our team,,,,lots of gay guys have been with girls inc me so thats nothing to put u off, its the other stuff that makes me think he's gay - sounds like he's pretty much using his gaydar to predict who's gay by the way they act or appear and by making it a joke then he's not actually coming out at all - its safe in his eyes and a fair play to him...uf u want to get close to someone then u may have to drop some hints big time while ur alone - ask him if a certain actor has a great physique etc,,, see how he replies then take the lead !!! - if it goes Pete Tong though dont kill me cos im no expert on this stuff haha

[Ryhunt86]

At first blush it sounds like he is trying to find out if you're gay, but by joking he's giving himself plausible deniability about his own sexuality. I don't know many guys that wear concealer, gay or straight, but maybe that is a regional thing so I'll leave that be. My own gut tells me he is gay and is trying to find out whether you are gay too, but is afraid to come right out and ask you (but I wouldn't act on just gut feelings or hunches alone).

Many gay guys have (or have had) girlfriends, even make out with them. It is possible you are reading more into his friendships with these girls than is actually there.

One question that I have about this situation is the ages involved. Are you a teen still in school or an adult? There are more risks involved the younger you are and if I were still a teen, I would just let things unfold in due time (frustrating I know, but you imply you've got something to lose if your hunch about him is wrong) Don't try to coax an answer any more than you may have already. If he is gay, then it sounds like you won't have to wait too long before he confirms it for you, so why take any unnecessary risks?

If you're an adult, then next time you catch him in a serious mood ask subtle questions (web sites he goes to, movies he has seen, politics or religious issues, etc......something that straight guys aren't going to be well versed on). Most straight guys are insecure about their sexuality when it comes to all things gay, and there is a limit to how campy or faux gay they will go. If he still insist on making everything a joke or being too coy for words, then put him (and your desires) on the back burner. If he is gay, he'll likely still be gay in a week, or a month or however long it takes for the truth to come out.

Beacuase you imply there is some risk, weigh whether it's worth forcing the issue or not. Also try to remember, he isn't the only cute guy, and there are plenty around that are less mysterious and easier to get to know, so maybe your advancements and come ons might be better spent on them.

[J A Y]

Eugh, where's the point in beeing anon lol, umm I'm not a teen anymore unfortunately, in the old mid 20s... Bad times lol. You say there are plenty more guys around... Please tell me where lol! I've been threw a slew of "almost bfs" but I've never even had so much as a date with a guy before. I'm gettin really exhausted with it all, so I'm tryin to be careful with this... Its like... one more near miss and I just know I'll be that really rich old businessman lying on a deathbed with everything except a partner lol...

No thats very dramatic lol.

Thanks for tips guys.

[Ryhunt86]

Eugh, where's the point in beeing anon lol, umm I'm not a teen anymore unfortunately, in the old mid 20s... Bad times lol. You say there are plenty more guys around... Please tell me where lol! I've been threw a slew of "almost bfs" but I've never even had so much as a date with a guy before. I'm gettin really exhausted with it all, so I'm tryin to be careful with this... Its like... one more near miss and I just know I'll be that really rich old businessman lying on a deathbed with everything except a partner lol...

No thats very dramatic lol.

Thanks for tips guys.

Well Jay, there's always Plan B:

Isn't Scotland know for its sheep?

[posterpicture]

Just catching up with him, be close with him, give him a small hint sometimes, if he is gay, he will come out to you.

However, from my judgment, he is not. Gay guy who is in closet does not really like to joke about gay or talk about gay subject. Like myself, most of the time, I act really homophobic to cover. So I don't think he is gay.

[J A Y]

Ew... DYK underneath the fluffy exterior of manys a sheep, lies hundreds of maggots growing cos the things are so unclean. Bleaugh, I practically have a phobia of sheep.

[fredv3b]

Isn't Scotland known for its sheep?

No, that's Wales you are thinking of.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I am 99.35% sure he is gay! And he is saying "notice me, I'm gay". So what can you do? Talk to him about it maybe? Show him there's someone out there who cares?

[Dark Angel]

Just go in for the Kill...

Kiss him!!

If he close's his eyes he's gay
If he close's yours he aint