Out of Abusive Relationship - 2 years and still lost

[The Virgin]

pray very very hard my dear...and always remember the good things that happened in your life, not the bad ones.

[tintin]

Try to start a new hobby to get your mind off things. First thing you need to do is make some real supportive friends, and let them know what you've been through. Once you feel comfortable around them, feel free to get to know their friends. SOoner or later you'll forget about everything, and you'll learn to be happy.

[Ultra]

mooninleo, so what's the update on this? I'm just wondering.

[mooninleo]

well, that post was four months ago.

lets see. I've been respecting my feelings about life.. and i think by sort of engaging with the reality, and being able to think of this as a transition period, i've spent a lot of time 'cleaning out the cobwebs' of different parts of my personal/internal life... parts that i kinda gave up when i started focusing my world aroudn someone else. been turning less to alcohol etc because that seems to blur the focus from what i need to do, and distract me from who i am.

i've joined a community chorus and community orchestra, and am meeting people left and right.

being able to fill my time like this after work is exactly what i've needed to kind of fill the void. i'm learning to feel more normal again, around people and in social situations. learning how to handle my deep emotions and learning to lighten up and be able to lose a little control here and there, and meeting people through healthy channels like this, in a safe type space.

there are nights when i come home exhausted and cry, but i cry because i feel responsible for me, and the things i accomplished that day.

I talked to my ex a few days ago, and hes like 'oh i wanna come visit you, can we get back together, what if i moved there for you.' and like, i think my clarity is helping me to a) see through his bruteness, and b) be more aware that there are good people out there. They aren't all gonna fill the same emotional space as he did... but they'll fill new and different lighter emotions, and hopefully in time that will help to cement who i am. i'm already starting to remember that diva i once was before, and how to take control of situations, and remembering my standards in friends and family members.

its taken such a long time of feeling so insecurity about projecting who i am.. but thats slowly getting better. caring less about what others care (because i got so used to caring about what my ex thought), and care only about what i think. its good, really good. i used to cry when i'd think someone thought i was pathetic or weird.. but now that i can stand up for what i am, i can make cleaner decisions about what i care about or not.

i have my first appt with a therapist tomorrow.. ... went to a party last weekend and got some cute gay males attention.. so that was great.

So.. yeah... fulfilling my destiny. its all in the stars

[cry0s]

I'm glad to hear that things are starting to turn around for you! A lot of folks here hit the nail on the head when they talked about finding something different to do. What's important is that you find things to do that you enjoy. It seems as though there is a lot of creativity there with you but you don't know what to do with it or might even feel as though it isn't good enough for anything. It may even be that you start something and then just toss it away because it's not worth it to you. I'm being rather general but regardless, what was the past should stay in the past. That's cliche and easier said than done, but the past teaches us to overcome and makes us stronger.

Nobody else will be HIM as you have mentioned, but you have to tell yourself that this is ok! It's okay because you will find a relationship when you least expect it with someone who treats you properly. I understand that right now the thought of that is just too much to bear. So dont think about it. Just start believing in yourself and let everything fall into place.

[The Virgin]

at least you're trying to recover....that's a good start.