I have been living with various problems for many years. I have suffered from severe depression ever since I was a young child. I'm now in my late 20's and all these years I have thought about suicide 2 or 3 times a month at a minimum, and sometimes daily. I tried to treat the depression with medication before and it turned into a huge fiasco. It was like being strung out on drugs and I gained a lot of weight. I ended up feeling worse.
I also have a severe form of mixed apnea, which apparently cannot be treated successfully because I'm now on my third breathing machine and it's not working. Every morning I wake up exhausted. I can't think clearly anymore because I think the apnea is finally taking a toll on me. I can't function at work because I can't do anything well and I'm in a very depressing situation at work anyway. I haven't had morning erections in 10 years and now I can't get hard most of the time during sex anymore. I think I'm also facing prostate problems since I have a weak urine flow and I sometimes have a stabbing pain in that area. My boyfriend is emotionally abusive and likes to try and humiliate me in public. But I don't make enough money to live on my own. I'm almost 30 and still working on my Bachelor's degree and it's exhausting me since I already get very poor sleep. I always feel like a loser because I'm ashamed of my low level job.
I have decided that I'm going to end my life because I don't want to deal with these things anymore. Mental health professionals of course will always say that there is hope. But I've already tried to fix these things. I've tried therapy, antidepressants, sleep therapy, and there's nothing I can do. Maybe if I wasn't so depressed I would have more of a drive to get better but I just don't care anymore.
How do I say goodbye to my family and friends? I want to stress to them that it's not their fault and that I love them and I wish things could be different. I just want to be at peace.
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You won't say goodbye to anyone. Please live, everything will be ok in the end, if it 's not ok, then it 's not the end. A lot of people are suffering through problems like you or even worst, but they still fight for it. Don't give up, you are not a lone. You have your family and family, if you can not live for yourself then live for them.
About your problem: there will be away for everything. If you have health problem, then start with exercising instead of worrying about how you will die. I am working on my Bachelor's degree, I can not support myself either even though I work 20 hours a week and sleep 4 hours / day. You are not a loser, you have a job at least. There are people who are unemployment.
Try to start something fresh, do it now. New day, new you. If you think that you are living in a hell, who will guarantee that your next live will be heaven?
You can make thing different if you start now.
Wish you luck.
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I don't know that you'll find anyone here who can tell you how to say goodbye to the people who love you. I certainly wouldn't know how to start. Even though I dipped into suicidal depression a few times in the past, I never managed to put a successful suicide note together. When I wrote it down it all sounded too melodramatic and I just felt ludicrous. I would imagine that whatever you say wouldn't actually help very much either. If they love you they will still think they could have done more to help and will probably still miss you more than you might imagine.
You sound utterly exhausted. Is that really the best place from where to be making such a decision? I hope you find a reserve of strength from somewhere to find some support and spare your loved ones the agony of having to deal with the inevitable aftermath if you go through with this.
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You want some answer ? .. You get some answer !
Don´t you think it´s a bit much selfish ? You have problems ... You are this ...you are that.. the others are not nice to you .... so .. if the others don´t do what you want and your life is not so happy like in the fairy tale snowwhite .. you go to kill you a bit because its the easiest way to show the others that they arent nice to you ?
Our all lives are not a fairy tale.... more then one on this board is depressed... and they live... because thats the only way to show live what life is. I get morphine since years against pains, hours i puke from pain ... can´t sleep .. can´t see sometimes, can´t hear sometime ... and I live ... because life is it worth to live....
Grab your head and ass and do something against your depressions... begin a social work... and you will see that your problems are the dirt under a thumbnail against problems sick or old or disabled people have.
And because you have problems you will make your parents, familiy and friends sad and depressed ,too. Nice way ... thank you very much. You should know how its feels to be depressed... and this you want to be for others ? selfish.... very selfish....
Show you, your family and friends that you love them ... that you are worth to be loved... and if your bf is not good for you .. kick him .. and search for one who loves you - and such a guy is out there. Search a hobby .. like a friend of mine ... who is depressed so much and sitting in his badest times knitting sox and caps for prematurely born babys.
That show you the worth of life and living and to be needed and loved ... and that life is great... to kill yourself is not a honor ....
if you want to get help .. need advice.. you are always welcome to me... but you get no help from me to make it very easy for you to kill yourself ....
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There are those days... and then there are those days. To tell you, everything will be all right, and hope is a tangible and fulfilling thing would be great. But, seeing as those days of utter hate for life is so often for so many, including myself, I can only say, humans are such ass holes, physical afflictions are sometimes inevitable, and mental wellness is merely a fantastical ploy to attain our money. Please, don't be hasty in your decision to end your life. Life is 99 percent bad for most people, but it is that 1 percent of greatness that makes it worthwhile. That escape to a foreign land where no one knows you, and you could care less for their thoughts or attention is a marvellous, thing. Why, don't you take a boat cruise and see some places you've never been. Avoid a stranger, be rude to someone you hate, tell your boyfriend to go fuck himself for a minute. Just be yourself for a while. Do it alone. And don't worry about expectations (yours or someone else's). Neglect, your life and loved ones for as long as you need to. Hell, pick up a terrible habit, and enjoy it. But please, don't say goodbye. You can never know what life has to offer you if you are dead!! Hell, come on... we will help you here!! Any time you need it!!
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Hi,
First of all I have to say that I feel for you, it must be tough and although I cannot even begin to imagine what pain you must be going through I have to ask that don't give up the fight. My life isn't exactly a bowl of cherries at the moment and I've had more than one suicidal thought in my life but I always kept holding on to the hope that things will get better, they will for you as well. The fact that you have a job and are doing a degree is fantastic, tell your abusive boyfriend that you won't take his abuse for much longer. With regards to the sexual problems don't worry about that because the reason you are having difficulty is due to your current state of mind, once you have a better hold on your depression then the other problems will be much easier to sort out. Please know that I and other people in this forum are here for you, please feel free to contact me any time you like for any purpose and I'll try my best to help make you feel better.
Please try to keep the negative thoughts away and think ahead to when things will get better.
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Anonymous Wrote:My boyfriend is emotionally abusive and likes to try and humiliate me in public.
You can do without that and him! Next time he does that to you ask him why he stays with you if the things he says about you are true. There must BE a reason!
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Anonymous Wrote:I have been living with various problems for many years. I have suffered from severe depression ever since I was a young child. I'm now in my late 20's and all these years I have thought about suicide 2 or 3 times a month at a minimum, and sometimes daily. I tried to treat the depression with medication before and it turned into a huge fiasco. It was like being strung out on drugs and I gained a lot of weight. I ended up feeling worse.
I also have a severe form of mixed apnea, which apparently cannot be treated successfully because I'm now on my third breathing machine and it's not working. Every morning I wake up exhausted. I can't think clearly anymore because I think the apnea is finally taking a toll on me. I can't function at work because I can't do anything well and I'm in a very depressing situation at work anyway. I haven't had morning erections in 10 years and now I can't get hard most of the time during sex anymore. I think I'm also facing prostate problems since I have a weak urine flow and I sometimes have a stabbing pain in that area. My boyfriend is emotionally abusive and likes to try and humiliate me in public. But I don't make enough money to live on my own. I'm almost 30 and still working on my Bachelor's degree and it's exhausting me since I already get very poor sleep. I always feel like a loser because I'm ashamed of my low level job.
I have decided that I'm going to end my life because I don't want to deal with these things anymore. Mental health professionals of course will always say that there is hope. But I've already tried to fix these things. I've tried therapy, antidepressants, sleep therapy, and there's nothing I can do. Maybe if I wasn't so depressed I would have more of a drive to get better but I just don't care anymore.
How do I say goodbye to my family and friends? I want to stress to them that it's not their fault and that I love them and I wish things could be different. I just want to be at peace.
How to say goodbye and leave your friends and family feeling its not their fault...there is no such way. No matter what you say to them they will feel guilt, always wondering 'what if...'
The decision is ultimately yours, however I will respond to each element of what you have written.
Depression - you talk about medication and how that was a bad experience, did you try more than one antidepressant? They are not universally suitable so sometimes it takes trying a few different ones to discover the best for you. Have you tried counselling? You should, it will help. Loss of libido and sexual performance can be a result of depression and the fact you dont get hard is very very likely due to your mental health.
Apnea - if you are not getting any relief you need to go back to the specialist and find an alternative. If 3 machines have failed you it doesnt mean that there are no other options - just push the doctors until you find something that helps.
Prostate - given your age the most likely cause of the pain in your prostate is an infection. It doesnt sound like anything more sinister so why not go to the doctor and get an opinion and some treatment.
The boyfriend - do you really need someone like that in your life? You feel bad about yourself and you have someone who just piles on top of that with humiliating you in public. I understand you cant afford to move, but is it not possible to stay with family or friends until you can afford to get a place? Having a low level job is not something to be ashamed of, you are working hard to pay your way in life and thats far better than sitting doing nothing - plus you are studying hard at a time that your mental health and physical health are making this difficult in order to better yourself - no shame there.
Its your decision, fight through difficulties and enjoy the rewards as the problems are overcome, or take the other option. Where there is life there is hope. Make the right decision.
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i can only repeat things i have heard on tv shows where people phone in to doctors and augony aunts etc - if you've told your doctors that things are not working out with the drugs etc they give you then make the change and move to another practice if poss, some doctors will have better experience with depression and apnea - dont do anything rash till youve explored all the options people say in these threads, your boyfriend sounds more like a crutch to you lean on but if he's abusive then he's just adding to your health issues - its easy for me to say but just try to get through one day at a time right now - if your taking in the whole picture and looking at the long term in the health your in now then its just gonna be overwhelming - you obviously have drive and ambition cos your holding down a job and doin your Bachelors degree, dont give up just yet.
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if you read very attentive the different opinions of people answered you, it seems that nobody thought your "decision" is right.... that you should think about ....
again:
For your partnership problems : there are much better partners
For your health problems : there are much better doctors
For you mind, soul and feelings problems : there are much better psychologists
but nobody carries them infront of your door - You have to go to them alone or ask a friend to help you with it.
If you want to talk ... use this forum... or the social groups we have startet...
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