Human dating poison? Is it me?

[georgemarc22]

I just got out of a 7 year relationship about a year ago before I was with my ex partner I use to have no problems w/ dating. So about 6 months ago I was ready to finally put myself back out there after being with the same partner for 7 years. Well it's a lot different than what i remember from 7 years ago so I just kinda threw the towel in b/c it was really hard like an interview or something. Now if someone asks me out on a date I would of gone, but those went going so well so. Now just pausing on everything and trying to get help in what I might be doing wrong. I mean like I said I just recent started dating again after being in a 7 yr relationship how to I assimilate into whatever the heck is going on now? I am just done with the whole thing. I meet a guy & he acts one way seeming very into me giving me those intense eyes. Smiling touching my hand or arm giving me all the signals that they are interested. I should know better with my past experiences, but still hoping this time will be different I let my guard down letting them in. Everything going great good conversation telling me they are so glad they meet me blah blah blah. Then full blown brakes NO more calls texts are little if no existent. After that either I get a speech its not you its me, I don't think your the right guy for me, but your very cute and nice, or the get abducted by aliens and I never hear from them again unless I see them out somewhere. I am blown off time and time again left so confused. Never fails with any guy I meet, so I've reached where I am just done with the whole thing.. It is a emotional roller coaster & honestly it really hurts I cried for 2 hours tonight while cleaning my apt I feel like I am broken. Its the only explanation there is it has to be me which is my reasoning for this post I need help! Its happens so many times I have lost count I prefer not to be a cat lady. I feel silly saying this, but when I was younger I didn't have this problem. I just turned 28 thats still young isn't it? How am I going to fix this if I don't even know what it is?

[fenris]

Hi and Welcome :-)

maybe you search on the wrong places and meet the wrong guys ? How did you find them ? it´s not a question of age ... sometimes I think its easier to find a great partner if you are older... because both know what they want....
But don´t be sad about .... there is the right guy for everygay *g....

[georgemarc22]

These are all guys that have come up to me, or asked me out on a date for whatever reason. Then after the date the switch they had on for me is turned off, and they don't seem as into me. I have trouble with knowing what to say on a date.

[princealbertofb]

First of all to GaySpeak. You have come to the right place for that kind of problem.

I would be tempted to say the same as Fenris here... that it gets easier to know what you like and what you don't like after a while and a bit of experience... what you are ready to put up with and what you really don't think you can handle...
Your case seems a little sadder in the fact that you have never broken up with them, they've always ended up breaking up with you... Is that correct? Have you ever ditched anyone of your own will? Or has it never happened at all? My take on this is probably that you are a little too desperate to find the right person. I don't mean to be hurtful, when I say 'too desperate', but it does seem to me that you are letting everyone else walk all over you... And you've just about had enough. Are you too easy-going? Are you too quick to let your guard down and go with the first Jo that finds you attractive and manages to give you the sweet talk?
To help out, we'd really need to know more about how you go about these things. Do you say yes at the first encounter, at the first date? Because if you do (out of loneliness, or because you're a softie, or whatever...) people will think that you're in this for a one night stand and since they are too, then it's ok just to go to bed and then not call the next day, or ever again.
I believe you ARE meeting the wrong kind of guy, and probably you are meeting them in the wrong kind of setting. The "scene", as we call it, is not for everybody's liking, and although you might find a very nice partner on the scene, you might also have to kiss a lot of toads before you finally meet him or reach him. Maybe playing hard to get would work a little better. Maybe it means you need to get some of your priorities straightened out. Such as:
* No, I won't sleep with the first guy that finds me attractive on the first night.
* No, I don't want just sex and nothing else.
* Yes, I am worth being in a relationship with because I have a lot of genuine loving to give.
* Yes, there are people out there looking for the same thing(s) as me.

On the other hand it may just mean that you've been really unlucky with your opportunities to meet the right person(s). I would suggest trying to find a person whose interests are in the same kinds of areas as you, be it literature, or the cinema, or fighting for animal rights or even a religious belief... If you both love cooking or acting then see if there isn't a group for you where you can take cooking lessons, or do drama... A sports group, a singing group, a charity... you name it. It's easier to find people who are genuinely interesting in social groups other than the "scene". It's well known that the scene is a bit of a meat rack, and as you are only 28, I'm sure you are still quite attractive in that sense.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

As you get older you want more then a one night stand, a more regular relationship. These guys perhaps don't want that and vanish quickly into the night.

[princealbertofb]

These are all guys that have come up to me, or asked me out on a date for whatever reason. Then after the date the switch they had on for me is turned off, and they don't seem as into me. I have trouble with knowing what to say on a date.

You must be quite attractive in a physical sense, and they are very shallow to narrow you down to just that. It would make sense not to let the physical be the only thing that they find attractive. Another question I have is:
* "Do you get drunk, or have recreational drugs, or let down your barriers in such ways?"
Because they will unfortunately alter your 'right' judgement. I might suggest trying to date without those artefacts, so you keep your guards up when you need your wits about you. You can still find people attractive, if they are genuine, when sober and not under any influence... Just a thought.

[fenris]

sorry the question ... about what are you talking on a date and where are you meet them ? That can be a reason ... its no joke but a female friend of mine tells a guy as first on a date that she is still a virgin ( she is 44 *g ) and he had to be very considerate and 101% guys in her age run as fast as there feets can *g
Or maybe they think that its easy to have sex ? Sorry that I´m not sensitive here .. but I think open questions are the best way ..
Or you should change the way you search for .... and be very clearly from the beginning... and don´t react on a maybe sexual-offer of someone.... so 90 % maybe will leave you in the first minutes ... but you only search for the one who stays.

[georgemarc22]

I just got out of a 7 year relationship about a year ago before I was with my ex partner I use to have no problems w/ dating. So about 6 months ago I was ready to finally put myself back out there after being with the same partner for 7 years. Well it's a lot different than what i remember from 7 years ago so I just kinda threw the towel in b/c it was really hard like an interview or something. Now if someone asks me out on a date I would of gone, but those went going so well so. Now just pausing on everything and trying to get help in what I might be doing wrong. I mean like I said I just recent started dating again after being in a 7 yr relationship how to I assimilate into whatever the heck is going on now?

[princealbertofb]

... in conclusion, Rychard, being gay at 28 is not so much fun then...

[marshlander]

Please don't feel silly, when you share such intensely personal feelings. Even those of us lucky enough to have found a partner could find ourselves in the same boat if fate takes a slightly different twist.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone. I would agree with fenris when he suggests that the men you meet may be in the sort of places where men don't normally look for something longer term. Since being a cat lady is obviously out of the question, maybe you might find someone through an interest or hobby you both share?

My partner and I actually were pen-pals for months before we ever met in real life, so I wouldn't rule out the possibility of getting to know someone over the net first. We've now been together for many years.

Some people just don't seem to be lucky in the relationship department. I have a friend a few years older than I am. We've known each other for over twenty years and once had a bit of a thing together for a few months. Sadly, the feelings were not there for me. I would have loved to be with a financially sorted, stable, caring man in his lovely house on the coast, who loved me, but I could not requite. He is the kindest sweetest man anyone could hope to meet, but for some reason his boyfriends have always ended up betraying him. That's probably not what you want to hear. He now says that he is very happy and has a very active social life. He certainly seems to have more friends than anyone else I have met. I still live in hope that he, and you too, find someone to deserve the love you have to offer.

Best wishes to you.