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Dating a closeted boyfriend - please help, need advice
#11
You have a very wise friend, toxic is harsh but appropriate. Your relationship is being hindered by your jealousy, and his inability to identify with his sexuality. He needs some time to label his sexuality--he does not know who he is sexually, and needs time to come to terms with ALL, of who he is. PLease, under no circumstance, do not rush, force, or demand that he come out to his family and friends. He will on his own time. Forcing, any one to come out can be quite devastating, be careful with this. As for you, and your stress!!! Stop, stressing him. He has issues, you knew this! Ease, up on the jealousy bit. He IS finding himself, you just happen to be in the crossfires of his insecurities and acceptance. His process is slow. It is obvious to me he loves you.

Albeit, I do have a sneaking suspicion, he may try to lead a "straight" life, and if he decides to take this route, there is nothing anyone can do about it. If you love him, (you may not like his method) but you will support his decision into self discovery.
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#12
Thank you Aaycle. What you say is very true. Though, I am not trying to force him to come out to his parents and friends. I just don't want him to feel uncomfortable for who he is. It's quite difficult to discuss gay topic with him. Any suggestions on sneaking some positive vibes about being gay to him? I know he needs to have to come to term with it on his own; but I just thought having positive energy in regards to being gay will help.

I think the biggest fear for him is losing his family and friends. It is tough. I don't know what positive things I can say to help him conquer that fear.
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#13
Thank you, princealbert, for sharing your story. And I agree with your last part.

I certainly hope my bf will not go through what you have gone through to find himself. I would hate losing him because he is uncertain. He is a good man. Down-to-earth, goal-oriented, family-oriented, hardworking...I can go on and on. He is a caring man. He is positive in almost all aspects of his life, except for his sexuality. I would blame it on bad timing, being with him when he is lost. The person who ends up with him when he found himself would be very lucky.
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#14
invis85 Wrote:Thank you Aaycle. What you say is very true. Though, I am not trying to force him to come out to his parents and friends. I just don't want him to feel uncomfortable for who he is. It's quite difficult to discuss gay topic with him. Any suggestions on sneaking some positive vibes about being gay to him? I know he needs to have to come to term with it on his own; but I just thought having positive energy in regards to being gay will help.

I think the biggest fear for him is losing his family and friends. It is tough. I don't know what positive things I can say to help him conquer that fear.

It is unlikely that he will lose his friends and family, especially his friends if they really are friends. As for his family, I'm sure they will adapt, as most parents and siblings do in such occasions; It's not the end of the world, especially in Canada, to be gay, these days. Some communities find it harder to accept, but mainly, they will learn to deal with it too. Unless, of course he isn't gay, but that's a whole different matter...Wink
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