How to get gay friends?

[longislandguy]

Hey everybody, so, I'm not in college anymore and I'm starting to come out and I need to meet gay friends.

How does one do this? I was thinking that my options are places like PFLAG or a community center, which are not too common and I don't know what really goes on there. Or gay bars, which are for finding hookups or are places where groups of friends go.

There is a friend of a friend who is gay, when I come out to them I imagine that we might hang out.

What have you done?

[TuxSky]

You're pretty much in the same position as me. I only just started coming out and I want to have gay friends too so I don't make my straight friends uncomfortable when I want to talk about my boy troubles and whatnot. haha

Well, the first thing I did was join this site actually, in hopes of at least finding some gay friends online. Have you tried befriending anyone here yet? I know some people don't equate online friends with offline friends (I seem to be one of the few who do) but it's a start!

Hmm, I guess you could start doing that. As far as I know there aren't any of those things where I live. All I've tried are local gay chatrooms. I've been introduced to people too but most (all but one now that I think about it) only wanted sex. -_-"

Try coming out to your friend's friend! Maybe he can get you into his network of friends. The one gay friend that I have offline started introducing me to his gay friends recently so maybe your friend's friend might do the same. And in my opinion, that's one of the more safer options.

[Mike]

Hey everybody, so, I'm not in college anymore and I'm starting to come out and I need to meet gay friends.

How does one do this? I was thinking that my options are places like PFLAG or a community center, which are not too common and I don't know what really goes on there. Or gay bars, which are for finding hookups or are places where groups of friends go.

There is a friend of a friend who is gay, when I come out to them I imagine that we might hang out.

What have you done?

First - hi! I'm Mike and I'm also new around here...

I think the Internet is a great place to start. If you could find a forum that has gay people from around you, that would be awesome. I met lots of people off the net. I got to know some of my friends from other friends I had... For you the Internet would be great...

I went to a couple of community center meetings back then, but I didn't really feel connected and nothing came out of it. It doesn't mean you won't like it.

You should try everything - (1) if there is a place around you with a big concentration of gay people, go there and just hang around. Start making conversations with people and see where it gets you.
(2) As I've mentioned - the Internet is a great way to start: There are many gay groups on Facebook - try to find people from your vicinity.
(3) Go to PLAG / community centers around you and see if you like it.

[Mike]

You're pretty much in the same position as me. I only just started coming out and I want to have gay friends too so I don't make my straight friends uncomfortable when I want to talk about my boy troubles and whatnot. haha

Well, the first thing I did was join this site actually, in hopes of at least finding some gay friends online. Have you tried befriending anyone here yet? I know some people don't equate online friends with offline friends (I seem to be one of the few who do) but it's a start!

Hmm, I guess you could start doing that. As far as I know there aren't any of those things where I live. All I've tried are local gay chatrooms. I've been introduced to people too but most (all but one now that I think about it) only wanted sex. -_-"

Try coming out to your friend's friend! Maybe he can get you into his network of friends. The one gay friend that I have offline started introducing me to his gay friends recently so maybe your friend's friend might do the same. And in my opinion, that's one of the more safer options.

Umm... Israel is a small country, so I was able to find people I could get in touch with in the real life pretty easily... There's a gay forum in Hebrew that makes it possible.

I hope you two will find new gay friends. Mine are really awesome... They know what I'm going through, I have a common language with them, I can always bitch about other guys and drooling over some hot dude together is really fun(ny)...

By the way, if you wanna talk on MSN Messenger send me your MSN ID (I can't send PM's until I post at least 10 posts).

Try coming out to your friend's friend! Maybe he can get you into his network of friends.

This seems like the best way to go about it - they're in your vicinity, they're gay and that friend of a friend might be in your same situation. I'd go for it!

[marshlander]

I could suggest becoming a dancer, since it sometimes seems that most of my partner's male dancing friends are gay, but I don't see many of them any more. I suggest probably not a folk dancer though. That is the world I move in and that seems pretty straight - almost scarily so at times! Most of my gay acquaintances have either been made on-line, through other friends, or through going regularly to the local gay pub. I don't know how different the bar scene in Long Island is from that in the UK. Here in the part of Norfolk where I live there is very little choice of venue, but for me it is a jolly place to go for a chat and a bit of social company. In my case I tend to go in after work. Last night I finished work in time to drop in just after 1am and they were having a Halloween theme night. I felt very under-dressed! If I felt the need to meet other gay men for company I could see I might be tempted to join the local gay outdoor club who meet up regularly to go for walks in our beautiful countryside. That would force me to get out of doors and get a bit of fresh air and exercise instead of this ghastly "studio tan"

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Long Island.... is this New York city?

Go down to the village... Stonewall, whatever it is called.

Yes there will be lots of clubs and bars, however somewhere between there are coffee houses, book stores (not just porn shops) and other places where gays congregate.

Best Gay Bars in New York -- New York's Best Gay Bars has a list of bars, if you are familiar with the streets and what not perhaps a look at the list will tell you what area.

Once you meet a few people and start developing a friendship then most likely you will be introduced to others of the LGBT community.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

I agree with Tux on joining this forum and making friends here. As you can see the people here are friendly, and helpful in offering support and advice. I would suggest you do some research by checking the net for any local lgbt groups, also get out and socialize with other people. If you have a hobby or an interest, why not join the local club or interest group. The more people you meet gives you more chances of meeting other gay people.

And finally, you don't have to advertise you are gay if the locals are hostile, just let people know that you are gay friendly. Being gay is not a thing most gay people like to advertise openly, so its not easy to indentify who is and who is not. Good luck and happy hunting m8.

[joseph]

i am same. i wont gay firnds in newcastle. i triyed do gaygroup but it was some porblems and i do dancing but it is only 3men and the rest is woman and them are not gay i think. exept me.its hard i hope you get gayfrinds soon. in a gayclub an that.

[longislandguy]

Thanks for all of your advice, everyone. I think I will start PMing as soon as I'm able. I like the sound of the gay outdoors club you mentioned, Marshlander, I hope there are clubs like that around here that I could join.

Long Island.... is this New York city?

Go down to the village... Stonewall, whatever it is called.

Once you meet a few people and start developing a friendship then most likely you will be introduced to others of the LGBT community.

Yes, it's the suburbs of New York City. The village and stonewall are places I would love to go to one day but they would have to be occasional day trips unless I find something very significant there. I'll definitely look at the link you provided.

[Mike]

Thanks for all of your advice, everyone. I think I will start PMing as soon as I'm able. I like the sound of the gay outdoors club you mentioned, Marshlander, I hope there are clubs like that around here that I could join.

You're welcome... and keep us posted :-)