Cutting

[Anonymous]

I hurt very much inside. I just recently came out of the closet. I tried cutting for the first time tonite because I was hurting so badly inside. It took some of my pain away. I recently stopped smoking pot and and stealing stuff from work. I used to steal stuff for the adrenaline rush. It was becoming addictive. I stopped doing it. Im having a hard time coping right now with the stress in my life. I want my pain to end. im looking at unemployment or having my hours cut. im going to be late on rent this month

[Aaycle]

I hate to be the one, to attempt to pull you out from this wreckage, simply because I am weak, selfish, and unworthy. But, I do understand the monumental burden of life. I do understand the perpetual intensity of unhappiness. And, the numbing pretence of trying to belong when you know you don't.

However, I am unfamiliar with cutting. Of course I have heard of his through film, but never have I come this close. It seems you are inadvertently asking for help. You have no desire to end your life, as you love life. However, you do not like the circumstances in which life now has you. It, is tough being independent, when external factors are deciding part of your fate. You smoke and steal to hide away from your thoughts and from the reality of perceived failure. And the difficult thing is, everyone has similar theories of success and failure, and it does not matter how smart, talented, or nice you are. What matters to most is your money, car, and job status, although this is ludicrous, and the source of most unhappiness, you have the power to rebel and say to life...I will not be judged by your standards. You must not take the repercussions of failure seriously--at all. It will kill you.

If you have to move out of your house, then so be it. Move in with a friend, or family member that is familiar with the hardships of life, as no one else will understand. If unemployment is pending, be wise, and decide to be thrifty, very thrifty. You have to save something, anything, for this will help you in attaining a new job, and hold your esteem for a while. Please, ring a help hotline for help, sometimes a pleasant voice is the ultimate cure, and the wisdom espoused is invaluable.

Don't sit there, and fall deeper into depression, and the thought of losing everything, this is poisonous. Call a friend, family, someone, anyone now!!

[fenris]

I think you should as rapidly as possible to a psychologist. Harm and hurt yourself is no game....

[marshlander]

I wish you the best to get through this horrible period. My daughter cut herself for many years and her arms, legs and body still bear the scars. She is going through another tough time, but has not needed to cut herself (yet). I hope she can manage without going back down that road. When she was doing this I felt totally useless to help her and it was devastating to see what my beautiful child was doing to herself. I tell you this just to show that it is possible to find other ways to take a bit of control over what is happening to you. Can you cope with the idea that you are not bad whatever bad things are happening to you and around you. I'm glad you've managed to stop stealing. Best wishes for the near future. Any chance of finding some part-time or evening work to help out with the rent?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You have several problems here ones that are leading to self destructive behaviors. Your use of pot was most likely self medicating, not really 'drug abuse'. you were self medicating to 'deal with' issues. Now that you have decided to stop medicating, those issues that you have been treating have come to the forefront. You are trying new ways to 'treat' the symptoms of an underlying deeper ailment. Cutting is a form of 'self medicating' - attempting to relieve the symptoms.

Your best bet for pot and other drug addictions (even if you are self medicating) is to enter into rehab. Most likely you can go to a rehab in your locality and tell them your situation financial and otherwise and they can get you on the road toward getting the right medical assistance you need.

Since I have no idea where you live, I will have to give general directions on how to get help.

Most US cities have a public health center that deals primarily with giving free health and keeping track of the spread of infectious diseases. However most will have at least pamphlets telling you how to get free health care in your town/city/county. They will know all of the state, county and city level programs for health care in your area. There may even be programs specifically designed to deal with 'cutting' in your area.

Most areas have 'free' clinics and 'tax payer paid' health care programs for adults. However since you have a job then you may be looking at sliding scale bills.

If things are too overwhelming you can admit yourself via the Emergency Room for emergency psychiatric assistance. Mind if you say you want to hurt yourself and or want to commit suicide they will put you in a 72 hour hold, holding you for observation in the locked mental health ward. Cutting is a gray area when it comes to 'harming oneself'. If you admit to wanting to killing yourself, they are legally obligated to admit and hold you.

If you have a General hospital or a county hospital it most likely has the offices for 'free' health care there, or at least a waiver for current medical bills that you are accruing. Go through the main entrance and ask in the lobby where do you go for billing questions, there you can ask them what sort of programs exist on the city and county level to assist you.

Without knowing much about you I think you suffer from a form of depression that is being made worse by stresses and problems with the job. If this depression just started the past month or so, or if every winter you get 'down' then you most likely have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) - MayoClinic.com

SAD is still misdiagnosed, and mistreatment compounds the problem. If you are treated for general depression (drug therapies) when you actually have SAD then chances are you will go from merely depressed to suicidal. YOU need to sit down and think about your life, how long you have been depressed and mention to any health professional if your depression hits seasonally or not.

You most likely need both a psychiatrist (MD) and a psychologist. The psychiatrist will prescribe medications to help you deal with the emotional stuff, the psychologist will use therapy, and give you tools to cope and manage whatever feelings you have.

You have not stopped your 'addiction' (Self medicating). While you have stopped smoking pot and stopped stealing, you have just switched addictions, switching to cutting for pain relief. this is not the same thing as 'true addiction', this is self treatment of the symptoms of a deeper problem. Most folk who self medicate with alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc find that the 'addiction' pretty much leaves them once they start treating the deeper issue.

If you refuse to seek professional help, then get a bag of pot and start smoking again. Pot is marginally better for you than stealing and cutting yourself as a way to self medicate.

However I would prefer if you seek medical help and start dealing with the underlying issues.

[Lilmy87]

Hi,
It sounds like you are facing an extremely stressful time, so it is natural that you are looking for ways to manage these feelings. But as you are of course aware, this can be quite a destructive way to it, and it sounds like you want to change that.
My best suggestion would be to try to find other ways to manage these feelings. Find people around you with whom you can confide; are you close to your family? Do you have good friends? Are there other people in your life you can speak too? Sharing the burden in itself can provide some relief, as I suppose cutting it like an outlet for painful feelings.
Also I have heard that whilst trying to break the habit, some self harmers find the following strategies helpful, a little like a cutting 'nicotine patch', if you will:
- Run an ice cube along a part of your body your might normally cut, creating a sort of mildly painful but harmless burning sensation.
- Draw a line on yourself in red ink
- Put an elastic band round your wrist, and pull it back to snap it onto the flesh, to make a little sting.
- Punch something like a pillow
- Write down a stream of conciousness about everything that is on your mind.
- Sprint/run

I hope these don't sounds too trite, and perhaps some may not be great ways to manage feelings in the long term but as a means of harm reduction, they can be useful for some.

Another hug to you, and wishing you all the best. Take care

[joseph]

hurting youself is becase if you was very sad and you cant tell it .so it hurt it . i wish you can be not sad and not wonted to hurt yourself anymore. it is a hug

[Ultra]

Well, I hope things get better for you and you don't have to hurt yourself anymore. I know you can make it through this rough period you are experiencing.

[Marvinteck]

Im sure things will get better for you. just hang in there and weather the storm. what doesnt kills us makes us stronger