This may seem a tad random, but I want your advice on my current situation.
I'm 18 and living with my parents.
I Never go out, even to the shops or anything like that.
I See a psychotheripist To help me recover from the scars of bullying.
I Have no confidence and I cower away from all responsability, no matter how simple.
My mother brother and best friend know I'm gay
I still somehow keep a semi positive look on life, probably due to overcoming a state of deppresion in secondary school.
I have no job, nor have I been to college. All I have is 3 A-C Grade GCSEs.
I do not feel I could hold a job or go to college in my current situation.
I only have 1 real life friend.
I Feel strong urges to find a boyfriend.
My main question; Will things get better?
I feel like I will be stuck here for the rest of my life, how ever long that may be.
Any Advice? Many thanks for reading.
Regsines
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
After reading your post, I can say with all authority, Things WILL get better....... But you have to make that bold step and love yourself. You've been beaten down and trod upon by others. I see it has left you scared but you simply cannot let others dictate how you live or who you love.
As long as you fall back into the "woe is me, I've been hurt" mode, you will never move forward as you seem to want to. It IS hard to let go of the hurtful things others have said/done to you but until you see that you ARE better than they think, and you do deserve as good a life as you want....You WILL stay stuck in pain and loneliness. Love YOU and then you can move forward and allow others to share in that love you so obviously have waiting to be set free!!
Hugs and Kisses to make you feel better about YOU!
If you need to talk more, I'm always available.
Your friend, Damian
•
[COLOR="Purple"]Are you happy with your Psychotherapist? Are you making advancements with him/her? Have you ever seen a Psychiatrist to see if maybe anti-anxiety or anti-depressants might be best for you?
You have a great positive going for you with your family knowing that youre gay. Have you talked to your parents about inviting someone over for a meet up in your home? There are many ways to meet a future boyfriend and the internet, though scary, can be a good tool.
Have you discussed with your therapist about ways to meet other men?
Sorry for all the questions... It is wonderful that you have kept positive. Due to that alone I am sure that things can get better for you. There is no guarantee in life. Many without such disabilities lead boring, lonely lives. I suggest, as corny as it sounds, but keep one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time. Life may push you back a step or two but just keep focus on the future.[/COLOR]
•
All the above give very sound advise. I might suggest that you get dressed up real nice stand tall throw your solders back hold your head high and go out with your bro. or your friend for a coffee or a soft drink. Just go out to easy places to start then when comfortable go a little further. Know you are not alone and that there is some one out there looking for you. I am sure when you least expect it he will be looking you in the eye.
•
What I find extraordinary, sometimes, is the way really shy people can overcome their shyness in rather extraordinary situations and be the boldest of all... I don't know why this is, but I guess it's a sort of "nothing to lose" mindset that comes to them sometimes. I know sometimes I could be shy, not that my work has made it possible for me to be so, but you can actually boost your mental state into doing something really daring... maybe just to prove to yourself (or others) that you can. Maybe this is something for you to tap into. Find out how bold you could be, and how daring (and maybe shocking) you could act sometimes... People won't recognise you but you will feel all the better for daring. Good luck.  PA
•
That is a sad situation, but I see hope there; you want to change things, and have a vision for the kind of future you would like. Through posting this here and working with a psychotherapist, you are seeking help and trying to find solutions, so that is a good start. It may be helpful to focus on what you'd like to acheive; a relationship, work, a social life etc, and use this to motivate you. Think of tangible steps you can take towards meeting these goals.
I think the first step is to build up your confidence. Perhaps first you could walk just to the end of your street, then to the corner shop, then to the high street etc. Just do this at your own pace, and seek support from your family and friend. I am sure in time your confidence will grow. Once you've achieved this, you can work on further developing yourself, and moving forward, in whatever way you see fit. Also, may I ask what kind of therapy you receive? I have no medical qualifications, but my feeling is that a cognitive behavioural therapy approach may be useful, as that is about changing patterns of behaviours and thinking, towards specific goals.
With your dreams in mind, and the right support, I am sure there is a brighter future ahead; to answer your question, I am sure things can get better!
•
You’ve got lots of good advice here. Someone very close to me suffered from depression for a different reason and I know it is very hard. Prescription drugs did help for a while but in the end became part of the problem. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) worked for him in the end. I would also suggest you try to imagine doing the nicest thing you could imagine (probably better not to opt for sex in this case) and work out the steps you would need to take to achieve that. It could be going for a walk in the country, going on a helicopter ride, whatever. Try to break it down into easy steps so you can achieve your goal eventually. Get your friend, brother or mum to help. Are your strong urges directed towards sex or of a more romantic nature? There’s no need to answer this but try to be clear in your own mind and go for what you want when you want it. But keep any sex safe, in every sense of the word. If possible tell your friend, your brother, mum or somebody if you plan to meet someone. Be aware, however, that sex and love are not always easy options. And to answer your question: you will be so much better in the end you will be very successful in your job, your relationship and life generally (if my friend is anything to judge by), but it will possibly take a little time and perseverance. Overcoming this problem will make you a much better person. If your psychotherapist does not deliver the goods (after a fair trial) go back to your doctor and say you need a fresh start with another therapist. Keep looking for all available means of help: there is quite a lot out there. Something will work for you. Lots of virtual cuddles!
•
the best thing i have ever learned, is that you gain the most by stepping forward. and i mean this in so many different ways that it can be interpreted. fact of the matter is, all these cliches about saying yes, and about being brave, and about regretting what you don't do rather than what you DO do... they're all there for a reason.
embrace your fears and insecurities and live your life.
•
|
