Bad Break up and I need some help

[calisurfjump]

Long story short my ex dumped me last monday. He's 25 and I'm 30. He left, like he always does on Wed night, to go to his second job which is about 60 miles away so he stays there two nights a week at his brothers house. Well he left Wed night called on Sat night and said he was going to stay till Monday. No biggie it was horrible weather here and I didn't want him to drive home in it.

Next time we talk it's Monday morning he said that he quit his job here in Los Angeles, hates the commute he has to make (its only 20 miles), he's going through the darkest days in his life, and want's to lead a str8 life. We were friends for two years before we started dating and were in a 1.5 year realationship and lived together for the last 6 months.I knew he had had a gf 5 years ago and she cheated on him, but he said since he was little he always fantasized about men, and had messed around with 2 others guys prior to me. I knew the relationship was running it's course and well was a bit relieved, but angered at the way he left.

He left me hanging, literally, I had to ask my parents to help me out with rent for Jan.
Even though I knew deep down inside that the realtionship was running its course and wanted to end it in an friendly way. With the doors open in the future to a possible friendship.

Well I find out less than 36 hours after we broke up that he had found a 21yo gf (he just met her 3 weeks ago), and just moved in with her. I found this out via a mutual friend. Well I was enraged, and saw red. Ive never felt so mad in my life. I felt betrayed, lied too, cheated on, and the list goes on. In that anger I sent her a message stating that he had been in a relationship with a man for over a year, dumped me, let me hanging with the rent and bailed on me. I also told her to watch out since he might do the same to her. I know that was childish and infintile, but I was pissed. Did I act like a psycho? That's when everything went down hill. We got into a huge fight on the phone an hour later.

I've gone through all the range of emotions. I cried for two days, I'm really sad that our relationship/friendship ended in such a way and feel like crap. How can someone just throw away a 3 year friendship and 1.5 year relationship just like that. Is he gay, bi or str8? What is this girl thinking of moving in with a man who just got out of a gay relationship. I really want them to breakup and him come back running to me. Even though I know he's not good for me. I hate being on this emotional roller coaster. Happy one minute a mess the next. I hate seeing couples our right now, especially during the holidays. Just the thought of my ex holding this girls hand makes me wanna vomit. I can't even think of being with another guy right now, let alone dating. I don't want to let anyone close to me right now. I want to stop thinking about him, I want him out of my mind and life.

I just need some advice on how to handle this situation. Is he gay, str8 or bi? And why should I even care about that right now. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

[toomuch45]

1.honestly i think hes just bi curious meaning hes confused.
2.if he likes her more than you then i would just forget about him and move on to someone new.
3.i dont think you acted like a psycho i think you did the right thing
4.he cant have it both ways its either one or the other.

sorry for your loss. i hope your not mad at me for saying all these things im just trying to help out because i used to be in this same situation n trust me theres more bigger fish in the sea..:redface:

[marshlander]

According to your account of events he is the one who has acted less than honourably, although your outburst at his new girlfriend probably didn't earn you many points :eek:

You are grieving for a relationship you thought you had and one that he was too cowardly to finish properly. Of course you are going to be all over the place emotionally. Anyone else would be too, given similar circumstances. :mad:

However curious you are about his sexual orientation knowing one way or another is not going to answer any of your questions; rather it would only be likely to raise more of them.

By all means indulge in a little wound-licking for a few days. After that try and pick up the pieces and get on with life again. Of course you don't feel like being with anyone else yet ... why should you? Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time.

Best wishes.

[calisurfjump]

Thanks both of you guys. I just wish I could really control my emotions right now. Wish I could hit the 'format harddrive' button for my memory and totally forget about him. It just really, really hurts right now. Especially during the holidays. I feel really abused and used. I don't dwell in self pity and just wanna snap out of it.

What hurts as that I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life with this person. I've only been in three relationships and each one lasted over two years. I dont sleep around, nor hop around from guy to guy. When I fall in love it's hard. I'm really good friends with both my exs and we hang out all the time. I also cant see myself being friends with my current ex, just because the way he treated me. He was gonna pick up his stuff today, but hasnt replied to my call asking him when he's gonna be here. I just want this thing to end and him out of my life.

[AlaricXY]

Sorry to hear about your break up.
And no, you don't sound like a psycho. Telling that girl is the right thing to do preventing her to suffer the same fate like you now.
Stop wondering what's his actual sexual orientation. Forget him and move on. You are nobody's object of replaceable love. You are a prized possession.
Sad to see he can easily wipe off years of friendship and love with you from his mind, but it is obvious that he doesn't love you enough and take you for granted, use you to experiment for his wicked sexual confusion. Don't cry or feel sad over a man like him because it's not worth it.
Better to find out now that he doesn't truly love you while you are young than having him telling you that he loves you no more when you are 40.
All that youth wasted away.

Let go of him, why let a jerk like him causing unrest in your mind?
You sounded like a guy fond of love and appreciative of loyalty and commitment.
Guys would line up for you.
Your ex is just replaceable.

Lastly, if you really love him, let him go. If he loves you, he will come back for you. If he does not, it's just not meant to be.

You are just 30, not 50.
Go out and find a man who loves you just the way you are.
Not a guy who plays with your feelings and love.

Take it easy.
Good Luck.

[marshlander]

Like I said, don't be too hard on yourself. You can't expect to be in control of your emotions. That was one of the places where you invested your love for your man. The fact that you don't tend to dwell on pitying yourself will probably be useful - eventually ... just not yet!

If you've managed to stay friends with two of your three exes, well done you. That doesn't happen for everyone. I hope you won't always see the last three years as wasted. If anything, at least you'll have some good memories and will be more informed about what works and what doesn't.

[calisurfjump]

Thanks again guys. I just want him to feel as bad as I do. I want him to feel the pain he's caused. I want this girl to dump him tomorrow and leave him out in the street. I wish I could be more enlightened and just let these feelings of emotional revenge wash over me and spill out into the universe.

I know I should remember the good times and look back with fondness and be happy I had those. But right now I can't. I dont even want to think about them.

[toomuch45]

Thanks both of you guys. I just wish I could really control my emotions right now. Wish I could hit the 'format harddrive' button for my memory and totally forget about him. It just really, really hurts right now. Especially during the holidays. I feel really abused and used. I don't dwell in self pity and just wanna snap out of it.

What hurts as that I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life with this person. I've only been in three relationships and each one lasted over two years. I dont sleep around, nor hop around from guy to guy. When I fall in love it's hard. I'm really good friends with both my exs and we hang out all the time. I also cant see myself being friends with my current ex, just because the way he treated me. He was gonna pick up his stuff today, but hasnt replied to my call asking him when he's gonna be here. I just want this thing to end and him out of my life.

yup i had that same thing except ive been on two relationships

[nick]

That's sad man! It was certainly wrong to leave you hanging like that and not to at least have a face to face discussion with you. You probably shouldn't have told that to the girl he's with now.
Best of luck.

[calisurfjump]

You probably shouldn't have told that to the girl he's with now.
Best of luck.

Oh dude I know. I was so enraged and angry. I've never been that angry in my life. All I saw was red and I didnt really control myself. I feel like a total idiot for doing that. HUGE mistake, HUGE.