In love with my best friend!!! Need advice!

[Anonymous]

So I am extremely confused...

I have been best friends with this guy for about 10 years. We do just about everthing together and we both really value the time we spend together. We are also currently room mates... We have become extremely close and know everything there is to know about each other. I have been in love him for years and kept it all a secret (including the fact that I am bi). I finally got up the courage to tell him that I was bi and that I loved him more than a friend. I just couldn't keep all of my feelings that I had for him bottled up. He took it very well, and nothing has changed between us. He simply said that he wasn't that way. We actually got in a bit of an argument the other day about it all...he said that he's not 100% happy because he really wants to be in a relationship with a girl and get married some day (we are both in our mid 20's) and he said that I (me) am perfectly happy because I don't really have a desire to be with a girl and would be happy being with him the rest of my life (cause I joke with him and say stuff like "I wish we could be together forever"). This is all true, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I know I would be the happiest guy in the world if I could be with him the rest of my life. The bottom line is (and this is where the confusion sets in), he says all the time that he isn't that way and wants to get married some day. However, he does things constantly that makes me think he could potentially feel the same way about me but is too proud/embarassed to show it (he is an extremely proud person). For example (this has all happened even after I told him that I was bi and loved him more than a friend)...if we are reading something on the couch on the computer he will sometimes let me put my head on his shoulder and let me keep it there for quite a while...he touches me a lot on my stomach and always tries to tickle me and play around...we hug each other a lot and sometimes he will let me put my head on his shoulder longer than normal...when I hug him from time to time I will even kiss him on his head and he lets me do that...he will randomly tell me that he loves me a lot and I will almost always tell him I love him when we are talking on the phone before we hang up...recently he called me and was like hey when are you getting home from work...I wanna hang out and put a fire in the fireplace and watch a movie together. What's even more weird is that he will do things sometimes to incinuate stuff, like he will put a water bottle by mouth and move it up and down...sometimes I will grab his hand and he will hold it longer than normal and he'll say jokingly "ur gay". Sometimes he will let me give him a back massage for like 20 minutes and I will touch him all over his back/neck/face/etc (even slightly below his waist line on his back). I have been off from work the past couple weeks for the holidays...he comes into my room in the morning (really early) to give me a hug and say goodbye before he leaves for work. The other morning he told me that "I make him happy" before he went to work. There's a lot of other things similar to what I mentioned that he does that makes me think he may be kind of bi...but he insists he isn't...it's just hard for me to believe. I almost think he may be but just to proud to admit it (and probably ashamed too). I love him more than anything else in the world (true genuine love) and I know he loves me a lot too...We are both completely straight acting guys (you probably could never tell I am bi). I just don't know if he's hiding his true feelings or what! I almost think that even if he did want to be with me he would fight it to the end and try to be straight... It's just so hard for me because I love him unconditionally, I love everything about him...even his faults...what do I do??? Any suggestions???? Is it possible that he is bi/gay but just doesn't want to admit it???

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Hey, dude... *sad smile*

Your situation is complicated, but kinda..happy, ya know? Because you didn't lose him when you told him and because he's doing all those small things...

My advice is to sit back and enjoy what your friend is doing as much as you can and respond to it as much as you can. Don't try pushing it though or making him admit he has feelisngs for you - this may ruin your relationship. I think that when and if he is ready to say "yeah...I love you", he will do it.

And of course there is still the chance that he just loves you as a best friend and doesn't want to give up on those gestures and you know...I think that would be fine too, as long as he doesn't get a gf. He probably loves you and values your friendship a LOT...

Good luck, dude! Please, write us on here if something happens... :]

[fredv3b]

If he isn't secretly gay/bi then he is being really cruel to you acting the way he does, when he knows how you feel about him.

I have been off from work the past couple weeks for the holidays...he comes into my room in the morning (really early) to give me a hug and say goodbye before he leaves for work.

I have to say that given the above I share your suspicions.

Clearly, he is not comfortable with talking about his feelings, or you talking about yours. On the other hand he seems much more comfortable with physical acts of affection. My advice to you would be to not talk about feelings but to show them. Slowly advance those hugs, massages, etc. so that they become more intimate and gently encourage him to initiate those hugs more.

[Victoria]

I agree with fredv3b! If he knows how you feel about him, then he should know that what he's doing will make you want him even more. But maybe he doesn't want to be cruel and he just thinks that he might have some feelings for you too, but isn't ready to tell you about it? So my advice would be to wait for some time, in case if I'm right and he will do something that would tell you that he really likes you not just as a friend. And if nothing happens, just ask him why he's acting the way he does - without any anger, blaming or anything.

[sephirothtx]

here's the thing, you never want to push it, because if he isn't gay/bi and really isn't intrested in men, then what you could be doing is pushing away someone who si trying to be a good friend to you and show you that he feels no diffrent about you now than he did before you ahd come out (tell you the truth most Best Friends know your gay before you come out, mine wasn't suprised when i told him i liked guys)

IF he isn't gay, then like the first post said, enjoy your friendship, and don't ruin it by pushing it ,because if you keep pusnhing it and he isn't gay, you migth no longer have a friendship to enjoy. IF he is gay, but isn't willing to admit it yet, pushing ti may also not be a best way, im just going to go out on a limb and make an ass out of u and me and assume (>.<) that you've had to deal with your share of bigits, including closet cased inviduals who are against homosexuality because they are homosexual and afraid of being somthing they where taught was wrong. If you pursue him and he is one of these individuals, and you push him to much, he may crawl farther back into the closet, even becoming violently obsessive at "protecting" his secret sexuality, and this wouldn't be good for you friendship either.

If he is gay, and if he has an intrest with you, then sit back, and wait patiently for him, and he will eventuyally do what ne needs to do.

i know sort of how you feel, at least to the poitn of liking your best friend, goodness knows if i could have ended up with mine i would have been happily forever after, but alas, he was a lady's man all the way -.-

[Alitta88]

[SIZE="3"]I think he DOES love you but he seems to be having a hard admitting that fact to himself. Be patient, don't rash him .
I've been in the same situation as your best friend two years ago , my best friend ( girl ) for 7 years once confessed to me that she is bi and that she has been in love with me for the past 5 years . I was kinda surprised but tried my best to not hurt her feelings in anyway, I DO adore her a lot, I can't imagine a day passing by without hearing her voice or seeing her lovely face , as a result I told her back then that I will think about it . Yet the next day we got back to our usual routine as if nothing happened, the truth I was confused and scared that if I rejected her her attitude toward me would change , yet I couldn't bring myself to accept her confession and go out with her . The idea of losing her felt like a knife cutting my chest until I couldn't take it anymore , I decided that I must talk to her face to face and tell her all of my feelings and thoughts. after we talked and sorted out our feelings , she said that I'm an idiot for thinking she would ever leave me and now we are still best friends but closer than ever:p .[/SIZE] your best friend may be experiencing the same as I did back then