Cheating??

[princealbertofb]

Quote:
Originally Posted by princealbertofb
"That's not quite what I said, Fred. I was saying: "Open the boundaries, don't restrict, give a man enough freedom and he will be in a place where he can commit willingly, not because forced to". It acts as a self guard of sorts, and makes a person define their own limits."

And what if the limits that he would like to define are much looser than I would like?
>>> Then you might have a problem unless you manage to adapt to those looser criteria / boundaries.

Quote:"
Originally Posted by princealbertofb
"It's also about not expecting of someone something that they are unable to give you."

So it's impossible for some men to resist having sex outside of relationships? Do they not have freewill? If they really are unable to control their urges then should they be allowed to do serious jobs, operate heavy machinery, etc?
>>> First of all, we are talking about sex here, aren't we? Not about operating machinery, which is probably a different kettle of fish. There is an amount of freewill, that's precisely what I was getting at. In any relationship, I'm guessing there is a certain amount of compromise too, but unless you both know how much the other is going to compromise, then there might be clashes, or we are just so compatible that we are lucky.
Yes, you are probably right that some men cannot resist having sex outside of their committed relationships (I mean married men, like partnered men). Therefore we are not talking about all men, and certainly not generalising. I don't know what proportion of men (or women for that matter) go with their urges to find other partners than the ones they are committed to, but we know it happens, don't we? I'm not breaking new grounds with this information, Fred.

Wanderers just don't want to control their urges. I'd agree that it is in practice foolish to expect them to be faithful, but I certainly don't give them any moral bye when they break promises of fidelity.

Sorry to be so blunt.

>>> It's ok to be blunt, but we seem to agree on the whole. I'm just saying that by not asking that type of person to make such promises of fidelity, you aren't going to end up disappointed one day. It's about trust, isn't it? I don't know if giving a person the right to use their body as they see fit is moral or not moral but I think it is reasonable enough. Again, there is the notion, at least amongst some gay couples, that being sexually active with other partners has nothing to do with infidelity in the couple... ie with emotional fidelity. Ultimately, no one owns any one else (except in such bondage as slavery, but that's illegal in our climes so...). Acknowledging that may be a way to find contentment.

[fredv3b]

Then you might have a problem unless you manage to adapt to those looser criteria / boundaries.

I'd suggest that we would just not be a good match. All relationships involve compromise, but there is a limit.

Yes, you are probably right that some men cannot resist having sex outside of their committed relationships (I mean married men, like partnered men). Therefore we are not talking about all men, and certainly not generalising.

PA, I think you misunderstood me. I was parodying the idea that some men can't control their urges. I don't believe for a second they can't, they just don't. I accept that some men find controling their urges more difficult than others and I'd suggest that they should make promises of fidelity that are unlikely to keep.

Again, there is the notion, at least amongst some gay couples, that being sexually active with other partners has nothing to do with infidelity in the couple... ie with emotional fidelity.

I have to say that I think controlling ones emotions and never developing feelings for another is asking the impossible. One of the reasons sex is so powerful is that it is so capable of stirring up feelings.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

i have had two lovers in my 50 years one i lost to a guy driving drunk never cheated nor did he thought about it several times never did just talked to him and he to me when he was tempted.

after 15 years i have fallen in love again I would NEVER cheat on him either

[OrphanPip]

I'm in agreement with Fred.

I don't oppose open relationships for those it suits, but it's foolish to expect a monogamous relationship without there being officially set up boundaries. I just can't be comfortable with open relationships, and I would make that clear to any future partners from the get go, that kind of stuff should be established in the beginning of any serious relationship. Assuming someone's standards will simply be in line with yours just seems like a recipe for disaster.

Edit: And to address the thread topic, I've never cheated.

[princealbertofb]

Maybe I did misunderstand you Fred, but it doesn't seem to me that we are disagreeing about much of this. I value the idea of monogamy and being faithful and loyal to people, and no, I don't like hypocrisy and cheating but I admit that some people just can't help it. If I can't accept them as they are, then I have a problem. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship with them, any more than I need to. This works in other spheres than the private sphere too, in my opinion.

[James]

So what I have found in all my years is that bi's cheat more than fully gays and some that say they are just gay seem more predetory to me than most of my friends who I have gathered over the last 61 years, James

[JoeyJoJo]

I'll be honest:
Yes, I've cheated before -- on my very first boyfriend. My only excuse was that I had JUST come out and the whole gay "scene" was so new/amazing to me that I was like a kid in a candy store. I should have been smart enough to not rush into a relationship....I was still finding my way.
I would never cheat now.