What do you think about that sort of inner homophobia some gays (specially masculine ones) have towards effeminate ones? Why is that, if we claim all the time for no discrimination and no prejudices?
tbh i feel that sometimes, and i feel guilty cos i dont wanna have that feelings! =S you may find an explanation to some of my protests in the forums... but i cant avoid it! and i want to get rid of that! maybe is just a stage of my growing up process... (???)
i just dont tolerate very effeminate gays too much (not an exaggerated repulsion as other straights could have)
that's my confession guys, im very SORRY if some of you feel offened but im asking for help cos i dont wanna feel that anymore :frown:
again
SORRY!
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I agree with you, though I may be angering some people in doing so. You many feel differently as you grow older though; I’m only 18, so being a year older than you I can’t say much. But I do know that I’ve been able to understand people a lot easier. I’ve been more accepting of effeminate guys, though I still have that urge to hate them, it’s weird.
I find that many people who don’t identify with gay people don’t get to see the masculine ones because the effeminate only “put themselves out there” like, “LOOK I”M GAY” kinda’ deal, and so people assume we’re all like that.
I’m not like that, and that’s why they kinda’ piss me off. I have nothing against them as a person, I just don’t like how all gays are portrayed in this one image...get what I’m trying to say in this stupidly long passage? 
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Personal Wrote:
I find that many people who don’t identify with gay people don’t get to see the masculine ones because the effeminate only “put themselves out there†like, “LOOK Iâ€ÂM GAY†kinda’ deal, and so people assume we’re all like that.
yea, agree, that's already a universal truth
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i think it's indeed because you are annoyed by the stereotype that makes it more difficult for you to be seen as a "regular joe" who happens to be gay. i have never felt resentment for flamboyant people, in fact i don't know any, but i'm usually not bothered by anyone. i will admit that the stereotype is something i will have to fight against, but i do not hold it against anyone. to each his own, and freedom of expression is always nice to see. i am quite a middle-of-the road guy. not attracted by either butch or effeminate, but balanced people. i think that's why i am very tolerant with a wide range of behaviours and attitudes.
i wouldn't be worried about your feelings. i find them natural, but you have to see that you are actually afraid of falling into a cathegory and not of a specific person. i am sure that in the future, when you will be free and out, you will learn to accept this natural frustration just like being afraid of the dark: it seems scary, but there's nothing real there to fear. acceptance and openness towards some people are different issues however. i will, for instance, accept without question anyone (with a healthy set of principles), but i will never seek the company of everyone. a question of personal taste. think a bit about the difference.
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pocket_pilgrim Wrote:i think it's indeed because you are annoyed by the stereotype that makes it more difficult for you to be seen as a "regular joe" who happens to be gay.
that's true
thank you very much for tour reply =)
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I agree with pocket. Once i asked a friend why a gay guy we met talk in a very effeminate way - i couldnt get it at the beginning. He said 'Because he cant talk differently' good answer i think.  mile:
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very good answer
and why judge
we have enough people judging us
and the real error
"they" the effeminate aren't afraid to show everyone who they are
so we're the hypocrites
or are we?
I'd like to see a big parade on TV of masc normal guys
because maybe then the straight afraid people would shut up
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I just think that gay guys who are effiminate are acting out their true inner soul. Some gay guys FEEL that way, and they have no problem letting it show. I sometimes envy them because they are so proud (not GAY pride, but just pride in general) and secure in who they are, that they do as they please.
I sometimes wish that I had mannerisms that tipped people off to the fact that I'm gay. I'm straight-acting but not because I try, just because that is the way I am. Sometimes I wish someone would THINK I'm gay by the way I act, but it never happens; instead, people have no problems telling me gay jokes (cruel ones) when in my head I'm saying "hey man, you're talking about me and you don't even KNOW it!"
Oh well, rant over.
Pedro, I sometimes have the same problem with my best friend (he's not gay); he acts very very proper and dorky sometimes, and he asks funny questions, and sometimes I am embarrassed to be around him when he does, but I envy him in that he has no problem talking to anybody, and doing anything, he's always himself. After I appreciated this part of him, I don't feel embarrassed anymore.
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well i am not effeminate but i don't scream "straight!!!" either. i used to be a bit more spaced out, very huggy with girls and maybe a bit too happy, but i grew out of it. it was, i think, more part of a defense mechanism than what i really felt. it was my way of channeling my frustration with myself and my contradictory feelings. later, when i accepted myself, i shifted in personality quite a lot. becoming more confident, i could finally act according to who i am. so now i am very relaxed and i don't think i am "conspicuously gay" anymore. i do however have many quirks in the sense that i resemble a bit of kuzco ("the emperor's new groove"), with a half-wacky, half-ironic sense of humor, even when it comes to myself, so people are very intrigued by me. i see some people trying to figure me out and i usually have a lot of fun messing with them and sending out divergent messages (especially on a sexual level). :biggrin:
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GayComputerDude Wrote:"they" the effeminate aren't afraid to show everyone who they are
so we're the hypocrites
or are we? no,i don't think so... i'mstraight acting but i'm not hypocrite, i'm gay, is there need to behave effeminately to be gay?
portugal_the_man Wrote:I'm straight-acting but not because I try, just because that is the way I am. Sometimes I wish someone would THINK I'm gay by the way I act, but it never happens; instead, people have no problems telling me gay jokes (cruel ones) when in my head I'm saying "hey man, you're talking about me and you don't even KNOW it!" yes!! true
pocket_pilgrim Wrote:it was, i think, more part of a defense mechanism than what i really felt. it was my way of channeling my frustration with myself and my contradictory feelings. later, when i accepted myself, i shifted in personality quite a lot. becoming more confident, i could finally act according to who i am. so now i am very relaxed and i don't think i am "conspicuously gay" anymore.
but...
tell me something, not just you pocket, but everyone. you speak as if being a masculine gay is a result of a defense mechanism, of having troubles in accepting the way we are and trying to 'disguise', is that always true?
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