I need help, I feel lost........

[1999]

Ok I made a thread about how I'm really attracted to a support worker (Im a para/in a wheelchair) ... this guy is gay and we always flirt, my mum and sister both know he's gay and really like him, he once joked when I was complaining about a lack of sex that if I got him drunk you have sex with me... when we talk it's like nobody else is in the room.

Anyway I have looked more at my life before meeting this guy and realized I've always had emotional feeling for gay guys in the past, I have just met a guy that I have strong emotional feelings for and that I'm also attractive - which is new to me..

I find it hard to use the words cute, hot etc etc when describing a guy looks... I dunno maybe seeing as I'm 27, because I've associated those words to describing girls for over 10 years? Does that make sense, will take time for me to use those words naturally when describing how good looking a guy is to other gay guys?

I read this and it made me wonder...

You cannot force yourself to create feelings for Men, It would be something natural when you start getting attracted to guy and want to be with him for more than just physical relationship.

If anything the physical side does not interest compared to the emotional side? Or maybe sex is the product of emotions rather the other way around.

I find it hard to imagine having anal sex with another guy and the idea of being with a hairy guy makes feel sick but a guy with smooth skin all over is the exact opposite... somebody would have to pay me to have a mouthful of (guys) body hair in my mouth, :biggrin: ........ I've had heaps of sexual thoughts involving men but not once did I have any that involved anal sex, although I must admit I have thought recently about how it would be to be a bottom lying on the bed face down :biggrin: ...

I've have only been one relationship with a girl and that was ten years ago.... I have never introduced any girls to my mum or dad nor have I talked about girls with them mainly because it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

[1999]

Ahh fuck it if I stand by the way I feel and not let anything get in the way..... I'm gay.

[fredv3b]

Congratulations on being honest with yourself.

I have only two thoughts to offer you as advice. First there is more to gay sex than anal. Second, him being a support worker would make things complicated if you wanted to have a relationship, and that assumes he is interested in one with you.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

congrats on being honest with yourself and just a tad bit of advice there is more to being gay then JUST sex.

[fenris]

For me ... when I read your post and your "update" it seems more that you have to learn to be gay :-)
If you like / love whatever this guy... and he like / love whatever you ... It should be not a big problem for you both - it is a good basic to build up a relationship.

For me it seems more to be a problem for you to "allow" yourself to be gay.
What kind of men you like .. hairy... whatever... is incidental. Beard or not Beard, Hairy or not, top ot bottom...is a thing of talking about ..and your own and his wishes. By example.. my man was cleanshaved ... :eek: I don´t like that ... and he changed it.... as he noticed that I like it more hairy *g

I time I think you should be very honest to yourself .... and learn what you are, what you want ... and then go further .....

[princealbertofb]

Hello 1999 and to GaySpeak. You are indeed in a predicament. First of all, admitting that one is gay doesn't actually come so naturally for some of us. It's a mind construction which is about as obvious as learning a new language. As Fenris says, it takes time to accept that one is gay especially when one' been brainwashed (and we all have been) (or brought up) to think in a straight mindset about the future.
The fact that you can allow yourself to think outside of that box and admit to yourself that you are gay or might be gay is a step forward to accepting your sexuality.
If you've never really felt anything towards women, it might be that you're gay. Maybe your being paralysed hasn't afforded you the comfort of considering life in a sexual capacity.
I believe that, outside of sex, it is possible to form a romantic attachment with someone of the same sex. It could be something totally platonic. The relationship becomes a gay relationship when you accept that your romantic attachment could be for one same sex person. Physical sex is only a part of it. As for finding hairy guys distasteful, I suppose it's each one to their own.
I think what you find attractive about your support worker is that you can (and do) banter about being in a relationship with a guy. That, at least, should feel liberating. What's more it enables your sexual nature to express itself. We all have a sexual nature (call it libido) to needs to be expressed to some extent.

So, 1999, are you planning on coming out?

Joseph, who is a disabled learner and our mascot on here, also faced his gayness some years back and is learning to cope in a rather unfriendly environment for disabled people. I'm sure he'd have some experiences to share with you.

How bad is your paralysis? Can you feel anything from the waist down? Were you born that way or is this the result of an accident? Sorry for asking but this may alter some of the answers we give on here...
In any case, good luck with whatever orientation your future may take. Nice to count you as one of our members.

[1999]

Congratulations on being honest with yourself.

I have only two thoughts to offer you as advice. First there is more to gay sex than anal. Second, him being a support worker would make things complicated if you wanted to have a relationship, and that assumes he is interested in one with you.

I've come to that conclusion that I would prefer to stay friends even if is a little weird at times... hes a really great to talk to about anything and we keep in contact when he is on holidays and keeps me updated -- he ain't going nowhere.

As for the sex side of things I raised not because I think that is all to being gay, far from it... that also includes sex in general but it is great that I've been told that I'm on the right path.

My next step I suppose is get myself and meet guys that are in the same situation as me.

[The Virgin]

first of all, i want this cleared off my mind, are you disabled or not? you made mention about a wheelchair...

[1999]

Hello 1999 and to GaySpeak. You are indeed in a predicament. First of all, admitting that one is gay doesn't actually come so naturally for some of us. It's a mind construction which is about as obvious as learning a new language. As Fenris says, it takes time to accept that one is gay especially when one' been brainwashed (and we all have been) (or brought up) to think in a straight mindset about the future.
The fact that you can allow yourself to think outside of that box and admit to yourself that you are gay or might be gay is a step forward to accepting your sexuality.
If you've never really felt anything towards women, it might be that you're gay. Maybe your being paralysed hasn't afforded you the comfort of considering life in a sexual capacity.
I believe that, outside of sex, it is possible to form a romantic attachment with someone of the same sex. It could be something totally platonic. The relationship becomes a gay relationship when you accept that your romantic attachment could be for one same sex person. Physical sex is only a part of it. As for finding hairy guys distasteful, I suppose it's each one to their own.
I think what you find attractive about your support worker is that you can (and do) banter about being in a relationship with a guy. That, at least, should feel liberating. What's more it enables your sexual nature to express itself. We all have a sexual nature (call it libido) to needs to be expressed to some extent.

So, 1999, are you planning on coming out?

Joseph, who is a disabled learner and our mascot on here, also faced his gayness some years back and is learning to cope in a rather unfriendly environment for disabled people. I'm sure he'd have some experiences to share with you.

How bad is your paralysis? Can you feel anything from the waist down? Were you born that way or is this the result of an accident? Sorry for asking but this may alter some of the answers we give on here...
In any case, good luck with whatever orientation your future may take. Nice to count you as one of our members.

As for me as a person,

I've been able to make girls in particular laugh at the drop of a hat but in a 'friends' type way........... even if I did not intend to.

Now that I'm in a chair I've had to change my personality and this means I'm more upfront with people, give my time and respect to those deserves it and tell the rest to f*ck off... I really do not care what other people think, I would seriously be happy to kiss a guy in a busy mall just to see the reactions of those around me... I'm kinda like that.. see my mum was told she should start looking for a coffin by the doctors seven years ago -that's when I had my 'accident', it was after my mum told me that was the turning point -it gave me all the motivation in the world and that's probably also why I don't care what people say.

As for my injury its C6 but people usually think I'm a para from waist down because I'm in a sporty manual wheelchair, drink, go out day and night -often by myself instead of dragging someone with me... Ohh and I also play quad rugby as well in winter..... I still have sexual desires that need to be meet and am fully 'functioning' down there as I don't need to use Viagra if I don't want to or have any - I just can't orgasm that's the catch, even I still do have feeling down there.... see I've sleep with women (5 at most) before and after my injury, never really felt as one but rather on different planets doing the same thing.... I still enjoyed it though as we quite often just end up lying next next to each other, maybe getting a massage and talking about are you naturally brown or is it a dye job.

Am I going to come out? I feel I have to meet a guy and have a sexual encounter before I do, probably because I cant orgasm or get a hard on cue, to gay porn and get a bit of an idea that way..... not saying that is a fool proof way of knowing weather your gay or not... see I have emotionally connected with a guy before but he wasn't my type (he was 40+ after all), this time around even though I have decided to stay friends with him I find him attractive both emotionally and physically..... But right now I'm living with my mum and sister with my grandma. So I will wait till my studio apartment I designed is build and move into my own space if I decide to tell anybody, anything.

[1999]

first of all, i want this cleared off my mind, are you disabled or not? you made mention about a wheelchair...

Well I hate the word disabled, I mean do I ask you if your able-bodied?

In all seriousness yes I am.