Work place homophobia

[colinmackay]

I'm not entirely sure this is actually homophobic, more a case of not thinking through what one is saying. But here goes.

I'm out at work, no one has really said much about it so it obviously doesn't really bother them at all. All my colleagues know I'm gay (and if they don't they must have been extremely drunk at the office Christmas party when I took my boyfriend along as my plus one). And I've received a card signed by pretty much everyone in the office to myself and Paul when we got engaged over Christmas. So - there is no question that people in my office know.

Anyway... earlier today an email went around the office. Actually, it went around to the "lads" distribution list. The original comment was on some footballer (no idea about football) moving to Chelsea. The picture was of this footballer walking down the street with his girlfriend and someone in the background staring at either him or his gf. The comment on the picture was "Should Torres Have Corncens About A Move To Chelsea" [sic]

The person who sent the original email made no comment, just sent the image around.

The first comment back to it was "Torres looks like a fag in that picture".

Now, I looked at the picture again. The guy is bleach blond wearing a white t-shirt with "sparkly" writing. I guess he fits a stereotype. I have some friends who I thought at one time were gay but are not. I also have some friends who I only know are gay because they've told me.

I've thought about how to respond to the email.

1. Directly ask for an apology (but it wasn't directed at me, so is that appropriate)

2. Reply with some pictures of straight friends asking how good his gaydar really is and spot the "fag" in the selection (the trick being there isn't one)

3. Just ignore it (but that means it just festers in the back of my mind)

4. Imply that it was derogatory with a comment such as "Just be cause he's bleach blond and wears sparkly clothing doesn't mean.... oh... wait!" (I'm now bleach blond, I've just not updated my profile pic, and I tend to wear clothes with metallic bits in them, similar to the writing on his t-shirt) That way I don't make a big issue out of it, but I do indicate that the comment is maybe less than appropriate.

Or is there something more appropriate I should do?

[fenris]

I would ignore it 1x...
My experience is that accepted gay people in a group are seen as neutral or maybe "he belongs to us" .... and he is falling complete out of this "look ..he´s gay" list ... so they notice not that they maybe hurt him.
If it happens again .. I would only answer with "readed".... so they see that you have seen it

If it happened then again ... I would start in the same way ... maybe harder....

For me peace is required at first .. but only a few times ... then I fight back

[The Virgin]

ignore it.... don't get bothered by it... but let them feel that your not happy about it by being aloof to them sometime... it will sure give them the slightest idea that your not comfortable with what they're doing.

[fredv3b]

I agree, ignore it.

[The Virgin]

ignoring is the best way for homophobic attacks... cause it gives you peace of mind and not constantly thinking about the situation which could just depress you

[jimcrackcorn]

From what I gather, only one of your colleagues used the derogatory term "fag" and no one else joined in with additional homophobic slurs. That tells me the rest of your co-workers did not want to participate in such juvenile antics.

I'd be willing to bet at least one of your colleagues has already informed this individual of his error in judgment, and also explained to him that you probably read his reply to the original e-mail.

I wouldn't confront him about it this time as it might have been a thoughtless comment that he let slip without realizing you'd see it. If he makes the mistake again - I'd find room in my busy schedule to enlighten him.

Who knows, maybe in a day or two he will work up the courage to apologize.

[invis85]

I see the problem more as the usage of the word more than his intention to hurt anybody. Some men are very insensitive in the choice of words. Some find the words "fag", "cocksucker", etc funny or a joke. My manager (straight) from Australia for instance, uses all those words to describe someone who pissed him off, but he is a caring manager to me. I feel like he bubblewraps me at work. lol

It's similar to calling a "blonde" blonde...one of my really smart, blond female friends was so offended when she heard someone calling another person "what a blonde"...she flipped!

[Genersis]

I'd ignore it....if it wasn't for the fact i dispise the words "fag" and "faggot".:redface:

I would probably reply saying: "I would take offence to that if it was directed at me."
But i'd seem alittle whinny wouldn't I? So maybe not.:redface:

[SrChulo]

I would do something along the lines of number 4. But aim to educate him. I'd write something like,

"hey! easy with the "f" word buddy..." So he knows not to do it again, but you're not making drama where it will be awkward every time you pass him in the hall.

[The Virgin]

makinig any sudden comments might stirr or cause unnecessary comotions. better just pretend as if it never affected you, which should be the case.