Hello everyone. This is supposed to be an introductory post, so here it all is. I'm a 52 yo man, married, 3 children in college, struggling with his sexuality, not so much that I don't know what I am, just wondering at this point in my life, do I choose status quo or a path for me to be happy.
Over the last few years, I have come to accept more what I know I am, and because of that, I look at the other side of the fence and wonder if I should pursue that path. I am not extremely happy, but who ever really is I guess. I have a good job, good kids, wife who loves me (although she knows something is different), a huge extended family of brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews, and the thought of pursuing the gay path is very scary. There are days when I feel I could do it, and there are many more where I feel trapped I guess, or staying with what I know.
I take extremely good care of myself, workout, look much younger than I am, and I have made a few gay friends over the last few years. In fact I think I have somewhat fallen in love with a 26yo guy, but our relationship has evolved to a deep friendship (his point of view).
Every day I struggle with wondering what the future may hold. I think I'm coming to a cross-roads of some sorts, so I'm hoping this type of forum may help out. Ha, I even started a Twitter account, ThePath4Me, what does that say about my frame of mind, 
Anyway, hello to all, hope to find some friends on here to relate with.
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Hello and welcome to the forum,
Finding and understanding your own sexuality can be a tricky case especially if you live with and have children by someone of the op. sex.. You have to listen to your heart and go with the flow of how things are in life... I used to have a girlfriend once and we didnt get serious for sex but it wasnt a happy time of my life because i wasnt able to be who i wanted to be so i ended it... If you listen to inside then go for it and let yourself be free... You are at an age where its not a phase and i am sure your children would respect you more for honesty than anything else... My ex boyfriends son respects him more for being honest than not being honest but just brace yourself for any questions or qieuries made about your sexuality as it will be a shock..
Kindest regards
zeon x
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this is a very difficult decision, one I wish Marshland was here to answer as he would be more familiar with your situation...
you really have so much to weigh up, so many things to consider, I can imagine making a direct decision is very difficult. You may be feeling that you're reaching a point in your life where you want to take some time back for yourself again and try something new.
I want you to be happy, but I also want to be honest and say coming out is very difficult and it really does change your life. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this. You also have to take into account how your kids might feel about it, your wife, family. Ultimately you're choosing between your own personal happiness and a sense of duty, both of which are admirable goals in their own right.
I would say if denying your feelings is making you genuinely unhappy and making you feel trapped, with a marked change in character, it may be worth experimenting a little more and finidng your true sexuality. You just need to be very honest with yourself and your feelings, whether a good man and a change of circumstances would make you more happy. I know a couple of my friends changed towards me, but the good ones stuck around, it's not easy but ultimately I feel better now from doing it.
I wish you all the best Path4Me
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I forgot to mention earlier i watched a program a wee while ago where a gay male told his girlfriend he wasnt going to be with her and after a little bit of bickering they still lived and loved each other except she had a boyfriend of her own at the end of it and so did he they were ion love with each other as friends but nothing more.... They always say that a gay man is a womans best friend so if you do decide to take the route of following in the gay footsteps do it with pride and dignity... Work through the difficult time with your wife and children as a team to get the maximum understanding in anything that needs to be understood... Explain to them all that you love them all dearly and there is a time in life which has come whereby you feel you have to stop hiding your true colours and set yourself free into a world where you can be 100% you... I respect the fact that you have grown up in a different era to that of myself and the younger generation here but in time the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place one by one
Kindest regards
zeon xx
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Hey there, man. You will definitely find people who relate to you. This is an extremely helpful gay forum and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for. I've been given valuable advice here and it truly means a lot to me.
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Welcome to Gay Speak Path4Me; You are not alone in this. I too am married and deal with gay feelings so I can relate to your situation. It is a 24 7 kind of thing that is always there and I have found that I do not have a choice in the matter. Very tough for me to get turned on by a woman anymore but just the thought of sex with a man and my heartbeat goes up. Good luck to you Hun.
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A mid-life crisis can be a real bitch!
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I find myself constantly hoping that we are going to be the last generation to have to deal with the kind of denial that gets us into these situations, but most days I hear something that makes me think we still have a way to go before we can all allow ourselves and those we love to be the people we were born to be.
I always knew that I liked men, but I was in denial that I might be gay until I was approaching the age of forty. To cut a long story short I finally confessed and after putting me through hell for a few years more (as no doubt she thought I was doing to her) my wife divorced me. It was a tough decision, but I knew that, much as I wanted to love her, I was never going to be the kind of man she wanted. She in turn is very religious and did her level best to get me into therapy to turn me straight. That was never going to happen. We had been together for about thirty years after we became firm friends in our teens and breaking that kind of bond is difficult.
Roll forward several years and while I regret very much the pain my lack of self-awareness brought to the people I loved the most I have few other regrets about changing my path. It suits me to be in a monogamous relationship and with my current partner I find that so easy - even though we are separated for weeks at a time and living and working in different countries. It is very rewarding to know that I have the ability to love and be loved by someone else and that a relationship can be based very much on trust, respect and love. My man and I have been together for eight years now.
My children took my departure from the family in different ways, but they have all come round to the idea that dad is much happier these days. Naturally some are more kindly disposed towards my partner than others. My ex turned up the other day and we sat and chatted for a while. As is usual these days our conversations are mainly on friendly terms. There are just some subjects we have to steer clear of.
As for you, only you can decide what you need for a healthy, happy life. Trying to be straight when you are not can be very damaging. I dipped in and out of depression for many years and it was only when I allowed myself to take advice from the many friends who said I should seek help that I began to address my own situation. If you have avoided the mental health issues that are often associated with finding oneself on the wrong side of the street, congratulations.
I have met several men who have been married and who are now separated or divorced. To the best of my knowledge all the people I know who have been in this situation, including me, feel that we did the right thing ... even if we didn't always go about it in the best way. I have heard of men who have decided to stay with a marriage partner, but I don't think I personally know any who don't feel very keenly, and every day, the depth of sacrifice they have had to make. This is particularly true if the couple haven't been able to come to some kind of arrangement to allow the gay partner some freedom to be off the leash.
Wherever your path ends up taking you I wish you, your wife and your children well.
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Hello and  ThePath4Me... I will be 52 soon so that makes us about equal ages. I'd just like to ensure you of our support, as I think you have already witnessed here... The road is indeed scary, looking at it from your point of view and in your family circumstances. It is possible that you may finally shy away from pursuing the gay life that you maybe deserve. The thing is it'll probably go on eating at you until you die if you never do anything about it. But whether or not you can sustain the relationship you have to your family and wife, only you can actually tell how hard or easy that's going to be. Hearing that you are toeing that line, and wondering whether the grass is greener on the other side at this age, suggests that you are not content to let this go and stay "happily" married. It may take a few more years for your kids to be out of school, for you to be free to explore that side of your person and personality, but whatever age you come out to people, it's not going to be easy and your children are likely to find it hard to cope with (at the start).
Please come back to this board to share what other questions you may have and feelings that you find difficult to sort out. I've just been watching John Barrowman's BBC programme about what makes him gay and I was moved again by what he discovered and what he had to say. Society for us 50 year-olds has a lot to answer for, I'm afraid.
Good luck with the rest of your journey to the new you.
PA
PS: Oh, a question (I am the man of questions here, lol) You mentioned that your wife knows something is different. Have you two already talked about it? Have the words " I am gay", or " I think I may be gay" been uttered, or is that something that hasn't, as yet been worded? If you have already discussed it, it will come as no surprise to your wife, although the mind can play terrible tricks on us and avoid confronting some rather troubling truths.
Take care.
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