finding out you are asexual.

[AceGuy]

I had always been very insecure about my virginity, but it was not that I was just a virgin in reality but virgin in my head as well. I have ejaculated several times, but never while entertaining the thought of sex. To me sex is very boring, so boring that it is almost impossible to focus on. I also am attracted to women but not in the way that most guys are. I actually like girls with clothes on better than off having no interest in curves, and I have a huge passion for women's fashion. I was very ashamed of these things, but I had never seen them as connected any more than my other issues were: anger, pride, too hard on myself, etc. I had always thought my inability to think about sex was a curse, and all of my other issues were derived from that. I thought if I was to have sex that perhaps it would “fix me”, but I was unsure. Either I thought of sex as a skill to be learned so that I could have access to girlfriend level intimacy; Sex was never something that I really wanted for sex itself, but just so maybe I could feel better about myself. As far as relationships sex was the biggest obstacle, not the goal.

One day I was walking around on campus and I noticed a beautiful girl in a pretty white floral sundress. Later when thinking about the encounter and remembered that the dress was very low cut, but could not remember anything about her breasts. I thought about how strange that was for a guy my age, and thought about how I just do not really think about sex when I see pretty girls. So then I asked this question on a dating advice site. Some of the responses that I got from girls seemed to think that I was not attracted to girls at all. I found this shocking because I was not attracted to guys and loved pretty ladies. Still, I googled “what if you do not like boys or girls” and found AVEN (Asexuality visibility and education network) which is the largest community of asexuals.

I had found the answer I had always been looking for. I was asexual and nothing was wrong with me, and I was not the only human to ever experience these things. It then became clear to me that I had been lied to my whole life and that everyone else had been too. The notion that everyone needs sex or needs to want sex to be happy and healthy is an utter lie. The notion that you cannot be attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to someone is an utter lie. The notion that everyone is having romantic feeling, crushes is an utter lie. The asexual and aromantic movements are exposing all of this once and for all.

I will look for asexual and aromantic people who still do not know the truth until everyone is found or I have died trying. The only way every Ace and Aro will be found is if everyone knows the truth, EVERYONE. I have never been happier now that I know that I am Asexual, but I want to share that feeling with all Ace and Aro people. Asexual, happy, and proud as hell.

[Virge]

Asexuality is over rated and almost impossible to experience without a malfunction of natural human hormones.

You need to talk to a doctor about it. It can be a symptom of serious health problems or even psychological issues. It's becoming more "common" now that so many children carry obesity into adulthood which suppresses normal hormonal development.

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], i don't understand how asexuality could be overrated by anyone. it's a lack of sexual desire, there's nothing there to admire/overrate about that. it's like comparing color vision with an ability to only see in black and white, or, more accurately, with blindness. it's missing out on life. why would anybody in their right mind admire that?

and i agree with you about it being a physiological malfunction of some sort.

[dynamodean]

There is nothing wrong with asexuality by itself. Do get checked out to see if there aren't any underlying health problems though.

[AceGuy]

Asexuality is over rated and almost impossible to experience without a malfunction of natural human hormones.

You need to talk to a doctor about it. It can be a symptom of serious health problems or even psychological issues. It's becoming more "common" now that so many children carry obesity into adulthood which suppresses normal hormonal development.

asexuality is a valid sexual orientation just like any other. Also realize that telling asexual people that there is something "wrong" with us is the exact same message that gay people used to receive commonly not so long ago

[Virge]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], i don't understand how asexuality could be overrated by anyone. it's a lack of sexual desire, there's nothing there to admire/overrate about that. it's like comparing color vision with an ability to only see in black and white, or, more accurately, with blindness. it's missing out on life. why would anybody in their right mind admire that?

and i agree with you about it being a physiological malfunction of some sort.

"Over-rated" was a bad choice of words.

asexuality is a valid sexual orientation just like any other. Also realize that telling asexual people that there is something "wrong" with us is the exact same message that gay people used to receive commonly not so long ago

I was trying to delicately and considerately pass on what I've been told from a physician I've known for 27 years and a doctor of psychology I've known for nine.

Both of them have said many young people (and particularly males) who say they are asexual actually are suffering from hormone imbalances due to childhood obesity and lack of exercise carried on into adulthood that suppresses normal production and functions of androgenic hormones. Males typically have less body fat than females. With enough of it to interfere with male hormones males will have diminished sex drives and not fully develop secondary or tertiary male sexual characteristics. (body hair, deeper voices etc) and may even develop some physical traits of women such as enlarged mammary glands.

Also there are people who identify themselves as asexual to cope with their own self image problems due to weight or other physical issues.

At this time there is no medical evidence to support any comparison between asexuality to homosexuality. Homosexuality and heterosexuality in both males and females has been linked to variances of testosterone levels in the womb that effect the brains of the fetus and establish sexual orientation. Even in those people born intersexed, with both male and female genitalia hormones produce sex drives that are comparable to those of heterosexuals and homosexuals.

Sexual desires are the product of hormones. Before you dispute this take note of the television commercials by reputable pharmaceutical companies promoting their drugs to raise hormone levels in both men and women who have lost interest in sex.

Lack of sexual desire is almost always related to an imbalance in normal hormonal activity -- or psychological/social issues.

All of this can be resolved with an honest conversation with your doctor, a physical exam and a blood test.

If I've offended you by attempting to guide you towards eliminating the possibility of a potentially serious health problem there's nothing I can do about it.

[meridannight]

asexuality is a valid sexual orientation just like any other. Also realize that telling asexual people that there is something "wrong" with us is the exact same message that gay people used to receive commonly not so long ago

asexuality is not a sexual orientation. it is a lack of sexual orientation. if you want to be correct, at least use correct descriptive nouns. in order to be sexually 'oriented' you need to actually feel sexual desire. you don't. which means you're like a blind person talking about the quality of light and colors here. 'i'm blind. it's just another form of vision'. sorry, but invalid.

and don't turn this around to when homosexuality was thought to be a sickness. yes, some of us are reacting rather strongly, but that's because we know both sides of the coin. see, sexually mature adults know what it's like being asexual. we experienced that when we were kids. until you experience sexual desire you are not in a position to make a comparison or liken it to an actual sexual orientation.

here's an eye-opener for you --- if you knew what sexual desire felt like, you wouldn't want to be asexual and you'd consider your current position as living a lesser quality life. that's the truth.

what Virge told you, all of that is true. i'd also recommend you get yourself checked up by a doctor.

[Lexington]

I know a few folks who identify as asexual. One of them is somewhat overweight, but no more overweight than I am. The others are in fact on the skinny side. And none of them have appeared to have adopted the mantle of asexual simply to avoid having to deal with sex or dating. They're maybe not the most social people I know, but they're not hermits, either. Have they been checked out by their doctors? No idea. I didn't ask, since I assume they know more about what's going on with their sexuality (or lack thereof) than I do.

Lex

[ShiftyNJ]

asexuality is not a sexual orientation. it is a lack of sexual orientation. if you want to be correct, at least use correct descriptive nouns. in order to be sexually 'oriented' you need to actually feel sexual desire. you don't. which means you're like a blind person talking about the quality of light and colors here. 'i'm blind. it's just another form of vision'. sorry, but invalid.

and don't turn this around to when homosexuality was thought to be a sickness. yes, some of us are reacting rather strongly, but that's because we know both sides of the coin. see, sexually mature adults know what it's like being asexual. we experienced that when we were kids. until you experience sexual desire you are not in a position to make a comparison or liken it to an actual sexual orientation.

here's an eye-opener for you --- if you knew what sexual desire felt like, you wouldn't want to be asexual and you'd consider your current position as living a lesser quality life. that's the truth.

what Virge told you, all of that is true. i'd also recommend you get yourself checked up by a doctor.

You guys are imposing your own experience on his. There are plenty of asexual people out there and they are not all depressed, emotionally stunted or medically broken. Yes, he should have a checkup if he hasn't, but he's not complaining; he's RELIEVED.

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21783]ShiftyNJ[/MENTION], i never said he wasn't happy. after all, he doesn't know what he's missing, so it is incomprehensible to him to understand how sex contributes to happiness. you can be ignorant and blissful at the same time. not impossible.

my point was, if he knew what sexual drive was, this asexuality wouldn't suddenly feel such a bliss after all.