03-23-2011, 10:26 PM
Today would have been my 3rd anniversary with my then life partner. As of today, I am taking a long hiatus from the message board we used to go on. Sadly he got banned last May for making an ass out of himself and projecting his nasty attitude he was projecting on to me during our last months together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I only had a relationship with him online and over the phone... I still worry about him and even still love him more than anything else in this world.
For those who do not know my situation, I will tell you the story. I will make sure this is not one-sided. I will make sure to provide 100% truthful and honest information, just in case his nosy self comes across this very thread. I have changed some names and stuff to protect his identity and whatever. The description I have of him... well I dunno, I do go into detail.
It was August 14, 2004. He replies to thread I created back July 11, 2004. This was my first encounter with him. He was one of two of the youngest fans of Kannibalz Korpz. I replied back and I only replied to one of his posts that year. He was way out of my age range (he was 12 going on 13!!!!!!!!!!). I did not know much about him except he was one of the youngest KK fans and he was from the mid-west. I just ignored him for over a year until December 2005. I saw his picture and it kinda shook me up. He was a thin caucasian boy with medium-long brown hair, broken nose, a super miniscule mustache, Planet Hollywood t-shirt and holding this rare CD in his right hand. He was 13 or 14 in this picture. I looked at his profile and I noticed his AIM address. I decided to IM him.
Based on what he told me, I told him the member name I had on that forum. From there, it was pretty much history. 2006 was the year I really really became friends with him. I found his real name, his real name is Parker Novick. In fact, I wanted to talk to him over the phone. Whenever I really like a person online, I give 'em my number or I ask for their number. This was well before Skype... ya know I have no guilt whatsoever about this. He was 14 at the time, but I was not going to harm him. I will admit that I did pressure him into calling me. He called me.
I question myself over this and makes me wonder if I am a pedophile... when I was talking to him for the first time.... Now he warned me in IM that he sounded like a girl, but I didn't care. it was love at first sound. I never ever heard a voice that sweet, cute and innocent in my entire life. Now, at the time... I thought I was heterosexual. There was something about his voice, I just couldn't place my finger on it... We had a pretty cool conversation about Beneath the Massacre, the forum we were on and other things. He told me to never call him and he would call me. At this time, Dateline and Chris Hansen were around and they emphasized about strangers calling minors looking for sex.
Was it a crime for a 21-22 year old to be friends with a 14 year old boy he met over the Internet? I did not have anything sexual in mind at all and I just wanted to be friends with him. I was friends with him and that was it. Was this phone call a prophecy? Was it some kind of warning? He only called me once or twice in 2006 and that was it. In October 2006, he came out of the closet as gay and it didn't really go so well at that death metal forum.
2007 was an awesome year for me and my future life partner. We had one conversation where he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and wished I was gay. He also wished he was a girl and he would go out with me. I was flattered by this and I totally fell in love with him. However, I knew he was well under the age of consent. He was 15 at this time. Amazingly, his voice did not break and he retained the voice he had a year before. Actually it might have been a bit deeper. Anyhow, we talked like we were boyfriends. He called me as much as possible until one day... it was August 3, 2007. I called him by accident and I shouldn't have. I didn't get to him... I got his answering machine... I hung up and then I got a call back from him.
The next day we talked for the last time on the phone and it was the final time I heard him with his old voice. I found out that his mother left me a voice message (I recorded it and it's on my hard drive for reference)... she commented on my northeastern accent. I was informed via PM from a forum he introduced to me (it was the Bionic Arena Forum)... I was getting worried that the cops would come after me, because the mother accused me of being a pedophile and a robber. She thought that since I worked at a camp over the summer and I'm some northeastern thug (due to my voice, I guess). Parker knew in his heart that I was not that kind of person (one time he said that even if I was a pedophile, I'm a good looking one). This sorta crushed me and I missed talking to him.
From September 2007 - March 2008, we were still in touch through forums and instant messaging. We left the Kannibal Korpz forum, because he was apparently being cyber-bullied there and I did not like that. I defended once or twice in the chat room on that forum. I was a moderator there... (sorry don't know if I can truly be a mod here) and I just didn't care... I gave him my password, so he could remove his warnings. You know what he did? This should have been a sign... but at the time I didn't care, he took advantage of my account and started giving warnings to people. The admin assumed (and assumed right) that it was Parker who got into my account by hacking it (he did not, of course)... so he banned Parker from the forum until May 2008. The ban was never lifted though. I was still able to log in, but my posting privilege was taken away. I guess I wasn't banned, because I was a highly respectable member of that forum. Parker was hated by a lot of members there due to his age and sexuality... I was even on the bandwagon, but I just did it to be like everyone else and I was truly neutral towards Parker.
On this very day 3 years ago, I decided to PM him and tell him I wanted to get into a relationship. I had to go over to my relative's house for Easter. I don't know why... he was talking to me a lot of things about being gay and that made me feel comfortable about myself being gay. He was totally single, but this worried me... he told me he had a chance with a gay guy that attended his Catholic high school. I just had to go for Parker, because he was better off with me than anyone else. I was worried he would reject me when I got back to read his reply. He told me it was the best news of his life and deeply cared for me.
At around 9:53 PM EST, we were officially boyfriends. He was the one for me and we had almost all things in common. It was really fantastic and I was on top of the world. I made a very big difference in his life. He ended the suicidal thoughts by thinking of me every time he would think of that and he would no longer cut himself when he thought of me. He was going for his brother's razor one day, but he couldn't go through with it since he thought of me. We live over 800 miles away and that is really really powerful. I made a huge difference in his life and he was extremely happy.
I discovered more and more things as we were partners. We finally got to talk over the phone on April 19, 2008... he called while he was home alone. On that same day, his strict mother bought him a Kannibal Korpz t-shirt... and she hates that band. I found out that his broken nose was actually a birth defect and he got it fixed.
He told me I was his life partner by May... and we were just 2 months into the relationship. I forgot in January 2008... he told me I was his BFF, he was the first person in my life online/offline to tell me that. I loved him soooooooo much and our love was super strong. We had a very strong bond and I did not want to let him go. I was super comfortable with him and I told him my foot fetish. It turned out that he even had one! I was totally floored by this and I told him that I thought he was gonna find it weird. No, he was really into it and he came up with the idea to send me pictures. He did that... but I got too carried away in November 2008 asking for more and he questioned if my foot fetish was healthy... and ya know I wish I could take back that back by not asking him for more. However he was more than happy to show them to me over on webcam on December 25, 2008 and beyond. There were times where I didn't ask and he would show 'em.
Oh yes October 5, 2008... I came out to mom and she disregarded it and she denied it. But a year later she accepts it and she unfortunately tells me that I wouldn't have much time left with Parker and she told me to enjoy whatever time I had left with him.
Onto 2009.... it was a mediocre year... we were together for one year, we were ultra excited and we wanted to prove many people wrong that we could make it to meeting each other in person. He was super ultra mega committed to me... he thought I was cheating on him when I was hanging out with my first ever friend Suzanne (her real name)... but I assured him that I would never cheat on him.... but miscommunication back in July 2008 made him super worried.... I said to him (before I fully understood my homosexuality) that if I were to cheat on him, it would be with a woman and not guy... it was a super theoretical statement and I would never ever ever EVER cheat on him, because he called me his life partner. I was with him for life and I wanted it to stay that way.
July 2009 was the worst........ we got harassed by a guy (which I found out was 44 not 19) who was our friend. That changed things and that's when Parker developed his nasty attitude towards me. We had an Internet band going on... he sent me his bass guitar track and at the end, I never saw this side of him.... he was cursing at me and told me that my song sucked.... I couldn't believe it. I never told him about that and maybe I should have spoke up. Then September 2009 rolled along... he turned 18. This was a day I was waiting for since the day of our relationship. Technically, I was not supposed to be with him... he was 16 at that time. Then we turned 17 in '08, it made me feel a bit more comfy since it was age of consent in NY. In his state (you might figure it out, I did not state it), the age of consent is 16... but his mother never ever grasped the concept of age of consent and thought it was 18 (true in some states).
October 2009 was not a good time... I don't know what was going on. He was suddenly creeped out by my foot fetish. He wasn't telling me how much he loved me and things were really strange at this point. Looking back, we were definitely drifting a part and he was outgrowing me (not being one-sided, I think I'm looking his side of things).... sorry if I am being one-sided... I do not want to be, bear with me.
2010 was a new year and I told on New Year's Day that I wanted to bring back the spark of relationship. He tried a very little bit... but it died by March 2010. He went to a retreat, told about me, told the counselor I was abusive and taking advantage of him... he decided to identify himself as bisexual. I didn't like this at first and I'll admit that I was biphobic... but I knew he was really a homosexual. He argued in a nasty way that he was repressing his straight side instead of his gay side... but ya know what, when he was openly gay... he was natural to me and he was being himself. This nasty attitude was displayed on the Bionic Arena Forum and he got banned for it the day after Mother's Day in 2010.
The week of my birthday in 2010 was terrible... I don't know why, but he just flat out ignored me for 4 days straight... he told me was busy with his finals. He did not have time to wish me a happy birthday. I thought I didn't have to remind him... I contacted him about this via email and he got super hostile with his reply saying "EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!" or something like that. However, he was busy with finals years before and got time to talk to me. This time around, his grades were in danger... he was on the verge of not graduating. He did graduate from high school on June 3, 2010.... that's when I got the message from his mom via FaceSpace and I had no closure in this whatsoever. She told me that I exploited him when I asked him for feet pics and she was super ultra upset over it and she told me if I ceased contact with him... she would forgive me. I have fulfilled her wish and that's what I have done. I did get contact from Parker though... but I ignored him. He trolled me on First.Am, I ignored that as well...
I mentioned I had no closure with my partner on the official KK forum... Parker told me I was weird and he thought I was the craziest person he ever encountered. He accused me having terrible grammar, he called me a pedophile (back when he was 15, he did not think I was) and he thought my conversations were meaningless. He also claimed to be a heterosexual and he was being highly homophobic (Parker stopped believing in homophobia after we got harassed and he said there was only "gay bashing").
2010 was a super big change for me... I found more stuff about him talking shit behind my back and he even got an admin on this forum to make a sign that said "Fuck UltraDude"... it was ridiculous. On August 13 (which was a Friday too, bad luck)... he uploaded a song called UltraDude Is A Faggot... it was a song that was made by that guy who harassed us. He also played the song on First.Am and he loved it too! It was horrible. Then his BoobTewb account got terminated... I closed my account. He started it up the day we formed our Internet band. This was very coincidental... he was doing things on significant days in our lives. On December 5.... he goes into a chat room and announces to people that he wants to be something in my face... he tells me he found "another boyfriend"
I did a little research on this other boyfriend. Scarily, he lives closer to Parker which would it make easy for him to drive over there and they can successfully meet. I warned his mother about this new online boyfriend... she told me that he would advise him to stay away... not sure if that happened, I never looked back to see if he still went with him. It looked like things between him and that other boyfriend were highly private. I did notice that his other boyfriend was his only friend on a forum... I don't know.
November 4, 2010... he rejoins the Bionic forum and he's named after this nasty attitude character from a video game/TV show. It was weird... I knew it was him all the way, I had a gut feeling it was him. Then stupidly, I try to look for his new BewbTewb account... amazingly I found it and I dismissed it as a guy that was similar to my ex-life partner... but once he uploaded a video of himself talking about his other boyfriend... it seemed like he knew very little about him... so I dunno how they got together within a month. It took me and Parker two years to get ourselves in a relationship.
The present day.... he is STILL bitter over me... he sent me a threatening PM from First.Am... it was him or he used a friend to send me a message..... I have no idea, I do not know.... I have no idea if I will ever get back to him at all. I will say that I did not deserve this breakup at all... there was miscommunication, misinterpretation and misguidance. I will also have to point out that he used his disabilities as a crutch by telling his mom to write the breakup message for him. Is that right? I don't think so... he was 100% capable of doing it. He just thought I would overreact and all of that... the fact of the matter is, well I would have cried and he did not want to hear that. I will also like to point out that the reason why I didn't want this to be one-sided... only person who ever got the story about breakup told me that our relationship "seemed one-sided".... It's weird, he still stalks me... he hates it when I bring him up (I don't even mention his name!!!!) and he gets super upset. Today I'm distancing myself from places where he would find me... I may have to do it for the rest of the week or longer.
So please comment this, ask me anything about this... discuss.
For those who do not know my situation, I will tell you the story. I will make sure this is not one-sided. I will make sure to provide 100% truthful and honest information, just in case his nosy self comes across this very thread. I have changed some names and stuff to protect his identity and whatever. The description I have of him... well I dunno, I do go into detail.
It was August 14, 2004. He replies to thread I created back July 11, 2004. This was my first encounter with him. He was one of two of the youngest fans of Kannibalz Korpz. I replied back and I only replied to one of his posts that year. He was way out of my age range (he was 12 going on 13!!!!!!!!!!). I did not know much about him except he was one of the youngest KK fans and he was from the mid-west. I just ignored him for over a year until December 2005. I saw his picture and it kinda shook me up. He was a thin caucasian boy with medium-long brown hair, broken nose, a super miniscule mustache, Planet Hollywood t-shirt and holding this rare CD in his right hand. He was 13 or 14 in this picture. I looked at his profile and I noticed his AIM address. I decided to IM him.
Based on what he told me, I told him the member name I had on that forum. From there, it was pretty much history. 2006 was the year I really really became friends with him. I found his real name, his real name is Parker Novick. In fact, I wanted to talk to him over the phone. Whenever I really like a person online, I give 'em my number or I ask for their number. This was well before Skype... ya know I have no guilt whatsoever about this. He was 14 at the time, but I was not going to harm him. I will admit that I did pressure him into calling me. He called me.
I question myself over this and makes me wonder if I am a pedophile... when I was talking to him for the first time.... Now he warned me in IM that he sounded like a girl, but I didn't care. it was love at first sound. I never ever heard a voice that sweet, cute and innocent in my entire life. Now, at the time... I thought I was heterosexual. There was something about his voice, I just couldn't place my finger on it... We had a pretty cool conversation about Beneath the Massacre, the forum we were on and other things. He told me to never call him and he would call me. At this time, Dateline and Chris Hansen were around and they emphasized about strangers calling minors looking for sex.
Was it a crime for a 21-22 year old to be friends with a 14 year old boy he met over the Internet? I did not have anything sexual in mind at all and I just wanted to be friends with him. I was friends with him and that was it. Was this phone call a prophecy? Was it some kind of warning? He only called me once or twice in 2006 and that was it. In October 2006, he came out of the closet as gay and it didn't really go so well at that death metal forum.
2007 was an awesome year for me and my future life partner. We had one conversation where he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and wished I was gay. He also wished he was a girl and he would go out with me. I was flattered by this and I totally fell in love with him. However, I knew he was well under the age of consent. He was 15 at this time. Amazingly, his voice did not break and he retained the voice he had a year before. Actually it might have been a bit deeper. Anyhow, we talked like we were boyfriends. He called me as much as possible until one day... it was August 3, 2007. I called him by accident and I shouldn't have. I didn't get to him... I got his answering machine... I hung up and then I got a call back from him.
The next day we talked for the last time on the phone and it was the final time I heard him with his old voice. I found out that his mother left me a voice message (I recorded it and it's on my hard drive for reference)... she commented on my northeastern accent. I was informed via PM from a forum he introduced to me (it was the Bionic Arena Forum)... I was getting worried that the cops would come after me, because the mother accused me of being a pedophile and a robber. She thought that since I worked at a camp over the summer and I'm some northeastern thug (due to my voice, I guess). Parker knew in his heart that I was not that kind of person (one time he said that even if I was a pedophile, I'm a good looking one). This sorta crushed me and I missed talking to him.
From September 2007 - March 2008, we were still in touch through forums and instant messaging. We left the Kannibal Korpz forum, because he was apparently being cyber-bullied there and I did not like that. I defended once or twice in the chat room on that forum. I was a moderator there... (sorry don't know if I can truly be a mod here) and I just didn't care... I gave him my password, so he could remove his warnings. You know what he did? This should have been a sign... but at the time I didn't care, he took advantage of my account and started giving warnings to people. The admin assumed (and assumed right) that it was Parker who got into my account by hacking it (he did not, of course)... so he banned Parker from the forum until May 2008. The ban was never lifted though. I was still able to log in, but my posting privilege was taken away. I guess I wasn't banned, because I was a highly respectable member of that forum. Parker was hated by a lot of members there due to his age and sexuality... I was even on the bandwagon, but I just did it to be like everyone else and I was truly neutral towards Parker.
On this very day 3 years ago, I decided to PM him and tell him I wanted to get into a relationship. I had to go over to my relative's house for Easter. I don't know why... he was talking to me a lot of things about being gay and that made me feel comfortable about myself being gay. He was totally single, but this worried me... he told me he had a chance with a gay guy that attended his Catholic high school. I just had to go for Parker, because he was better off with me than anyone else. I was worried he would reject me when I got back to read his reply. He told me it was the best news of his life and deeply cared for me.
At around 9:53 PM EST, we were officially boyfriends. He was the one for me and we had almost all things in common. It was really fantastic and I was on top of the world. I made a very big difference in his life. He ended the suicidal thoughts by thinking of me every time he would think of that and he would no longer cut himself when he thought of me. He was going for his brother's razor one day, but he couldn't go through with it since he thought of me. We live over 800 miles away and that is really really powerful. I made a huge difference in his life and he was extremely happy.
I discovered more and more things as we were partners. We finally got to talk over the phone on April 19, 2008... he called while he was home alone. On that same day, his strict mother bought him a Kannibal Korpz t-shirt... and she hates that band. I found out that his broken nose was actually a birth defect and he got it fixed.
He told me I was his life partner by May... and we were just 2 months into the relationship. I forgot in January 2008... he told me I was his BFF, he was the first person in my life online/offline to tell me that. I loved him soooooooo much and our love was super strong. We had a very strong bond and I did not want to let him go. I was super comfortable with him and I told him my foot fetish. It turned out that he even had one! I was totally floored by this and I told him that I thought he was gonna find it weird. No, he was really into it and he came up with the idea to send me pictures. He did that... but I got too carried away in November 2008 asking for more and he questioned if my foot fetish was healthy... and ya know I wish I could take back that back by not asking him for more. However he was more than happy to show them to me over on webcam on December 25, 2008 and beyond. There were times where I didn't ask and he would show 'em.
Oh yes October 5, 2008... I came out to mom and she disregarded it and she denied it. But a year later she accepts it and she unfortunately tells me that I wouldn't have much time left with Parker and she told me to enjoy whatever time I had left with him.
Onto 2009.... it was a mediocre year... we were together for one year, we were ultra excited and we wanted to prove many people wrong that we could make it to meeting each other in person. He was super ultra mega committed to me... he thought I was cheating on him when I was hanging out with my first ever friend Suzanne (her real name)... but I assured him that I would never cheat on him.... but miscommunication back in July 2008 made him super worried.... I said to him (before I fully understood my homosexuality) that if I were to cheat on him, it would be with a woman and not guy... it was a super theoretical statement and I would never ever ever EVER cheat on him, because he called me his life partner. I was with him for life and I wanted it to stay that way.
July 2009 was the worst........ we got harassed by a guy (which I found out was 44 not 19) who was our friend. That changed things and that's when Parker developed his nasty attitude towards me. We had an Internet band going on... he sent me his bass guitar track and at the end, I never saw this side of him.... he was cursing at me and told me that my song sucked.... I couldn't believe it. I never told him about that and maybe I should have spoke up. Then September 2009 rolled along... he turned 18. This was a day I was waiting for since the day of our relationship. Technically, I was not supposed to be with him... he was 16 at that time. Then we turned 17 in '08, it made me feel a bit more comfy since it was age of consent in NY. In his state (you might figure it out, I did not state it), the age of consent is 16... but his mother never ever grasped the concept of age of consent and thought it was 18 (true in some states).
October 2009 was not a good time... I don't know what was going on. He was suddenly creeped out by my foot fetish. He wasn't telling me how much he loved me and things were really strange at this point. Looking back, we were definitely drifting a part and he was outgrowing me (not being one-sided, I think I'm looking his side of things).... sorry if I am being one-sided... I do not want to be, bear with me.
2010 was a new year and I told on New Year's Day that I wanted to bring back the spark of relationship. He tried a very little bit... but it died by March 2010. He went to a retreat, told about me, told the counselor I was abusive and taking advantage of him... he decided to identify himself as bisexual. I didn't like this at first and I'll admit that I was biphobic... but I knew he was really a homosexual. He argued in a nasty way that he was repressing his straight side instead of his gay side... but ya know what, when he was openly gay... he was natural to me and he was being himself. This nasty attitude was displayed on the Bionic Arena Forum and he got banned for it the day after Mother's Day in 2010.
The week of my birthday in 2010 was terrible... I don't know why, but he just flat out ignored me for 4 days straight... he told me was busy with his finals. He did not have time to wish me a happy birthday. I thought I didn't have to remind him... I contacted him about this via email and he got super hostile with his reply saying "EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!" or something like that. However, he was busy with finals years before and got time to talk to me. This time around, his grades were in danger... he was on the verge of not graduating. He did graduate from high school on June 3, 2010.... that's when I got the message from his mom via FaceSpace and I had no closure in this whatsoever. She told me that I exploited him when I asked him for feet pics and she was super ultra upset over it and she told me if I ceased contact with him... she would forgive me. I have fulfilled her wish and that's what I have done. I did get contact from Parker though... but I ignored him. He trolled me on First.Am, I ignored that as well...
I mentioned I had no closure with my partner on the official KK forum... Parker told me I was weird and he thought I was the craziest person he ever encountered. He accused me having terrible grammar, he called me a pedophile (back when he was 15, he did not think I was) and he thought my conversations were meaningless. He also claimed to be a heterosexual and he was being highly homophobic (Parker stopped believing in homophobia after we got harassed and he said there was only "gay bashing").
2010 was a super big change for me... I found more stuff about him talking shit behind my back and he even got an admin on this forum to make a sign that said "Fuck UltraDude"... it was ridiculous. On August 13 (which was a Friday too, bad luck)... he uploaded a song called UltraDude Is A Faggot... it was a song that was made by that guy who harassed us. He also played the song on First.Am and he loved it too! It was horrible. Then his BoobTewb account got terminated... I closed my account. He started it up the day we formed our Internet band. This was very coincidental... he was doing things on significant days in our lives. On December 5.... he goes into a chat room and announces to people that he wants to be something in my face... he tells me he found "another boyfriend"
I did a little research on this other boyfriend. Scarily, he lives closer to Parker which would it make easy for him to drive over there and they can successfully meet. I warned his mother about this new online boyfriend... she told me that he would advise him to stay away... not sure if that happened, I never looked back to see if he still went with him. It looked like things between him and that other boyfriend were highly private. I did notice that his other boyfriend was his only friend on a forum... I don't know.
November 4, 2010... he rejoins the Bionic forum and he's named after this nasty attitude character from a video game/TV show. It was weird... I knew it was him all the way, I had a gut feeling it was him. Then stupidly, I try to look for his new BewbTewb account... amazingly I found it and I dismissed it as a guy that was similar to my ex-life partner... but once he uploaded a video of himself talking about his other boyfriend... it seemed like he knew very little about him... so I dunno how they got together within a month. It took me and Parker two years to get ourselves in a relationship.
The present day.... he is STILL bitter over me... he sent me a threatening PM from First.Am... it was him or he used a friend to send me a message..... I have no idea, I do not know.... I have no idea if I will ever get back to him at all. I will say that I did not deserve this breakup at all... there was miscommunication, misinterpretation and misguidance. I will also have to point out that he used his disabilities as a crutch by telling his mom to write the breakup message for him. Is that right? I don't think so... he was 100% capable of doing it. He just thought I would overreact and all of that... the fact of the matter is, well I would have cried and he did not want to hear that. I will also like to point out that the reason why I didn't want this to be one-sided... only person who ever got the story about breakup told me that our relationship "seemed one-sided".... It's weird, he still stalks me... he hates it when I bring him up (I don't even mention his name!!!!) and he gets super upset. Today I'm distancing myself from places where he would find me... I may have to do it for the rest of the week or longer.
So please comment this, ask me anything about this... discuss.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
mile:
