03-30-2011, 10:44 AM
Hi everyone
I feel safe enough to express my emotions here. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... to vent maybe... I don't know...
A while ago I wrote a blog about me never having been kissed before, and I still haven't been in case your wondering... and I kept thinking over and over again; why have I never found love before...
I've tried everything... clubs, friends, social networking... all fell flat... I've never once felt what it feels like to be in love... Its the one thing I envy about other people...
So many people find love so easily, but for some reason, I'm like anti-lovespray...
I never gave up hope of finding someone, but I have been battling loneliness for a very long time and last night I had a hectic emotional breakdown...
I kept thinking "is there something wrong with me?, am I not attractive enough?, Am i destined to be alone? To be the cranky old man shouting "put you music softer"???" I don't want to be like that...
Eventually thoughts of suicide poured through my mind and there was a point when I stood up and said I'm gonna do it tonight... But for some reason I held back... instead I turned to writing... I friggin' hate poetry, but its the only thing that makes me feel better... unfortunately I left the poem at home... I'll post it tomorrow
I'm feeling a lot better today, but the pain is still there... refusing to let go...
I carry on smiling though, making jokes and laughing, being the best person I can be, but I don't know for how long I can keep fighting...
Is it normal to be 21 and have never been kissed??? Are there others that feel the same way I do???
I feel safe enough to express my emotions here. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... to vent maybe... I don't know...
A while ago I wrote a blog about me never having been kissed before, and I still haven't been in case your wondering... and I kept thinking over and over again; why have I never found love before...
I've tried everything... clubs, friends, social networking... all fell flat... I've never once felt what it feels like to be in love... Its the one thing I envy about other people...
So many people find love so easily, but for some reason, I'm like anti-lovespray...
I never gave up hope of finding someone, but I have been battling loneliness for a very long time and last night I had a hectic emotional breakdown...
I kept thinking "is there something wrong with me?, am I not attractive enough?, Am i destined to be alone? To be the cranky old man shouting "put you music softer"???" I don't want to be like that...
Eventually thoughts of suicide poured through my mind and there was a point when I stood up and said I'm gonna do it tonight... But for some reason I held back... instead I turned to writing... I friggin' hate poetry, but its the only thing that makes me feel better... unfortunately I left the poem at home... I'll post it tomorrow
I'm feeling a lot better today, but the pain is still there... refusing to let go...
I carry on smiling though, making jokes and laughing, being the best person I can be, but I don't know for how long I can keep fighting...
Is it normal to be 21 and have never been kissed??? Are there others that feel the same way I do???