i need advice.

[confused2011]

i am seriously not sure of who i am. i may be gay but im attracted to both, honestly im confused. i registered to this forum because im seeking help from people who have maybe been through these type of phases. no one knows im confused, i havent told anyone. up until my older brother caught me watching gay porn. twice, maybe im being paranoid but i know my brother is not the kind of guy who defends his helpless little brother. he and i arent really close. and now i feel like i dont know what to do, its like each second i cant stop thinking that hes talking about these stuff to his friends, his girlfriend. i think his girlfriend knows coz shes being all wierd around me recently. right now im honestly so scared of what he might do or what will happen when things go out. i know its goinna come out eventually but i wanted it to go my own way, whenever im ready, not like this...


please help me, just advice, thats all im asking, i terrified of confronting him. plus its so hard avoiding him coz we share a bedroom. pls. do help me. im desperate here.:confused:

[SlipknotRlZZ]

SO you're not ready to come out to anyone yet? Because if you are, it might be a good idea to come out to him forst. And then you'll have it all cleared up, you know.

[jbrowder24]

In my experience, if people are in a relationship, they are very likely to tell that person if someone they know comes out to them, etc., perhaps not always, but I wouldn't be surprised if the girlfriend knew. However that doesn't mean they're gossiping to everyone else and if you allow yourself to get too paranoid about who might know what, you'll just make yourself miserable.

Have you considered talking to him at all, even if it's downplay things until you know for sure what you are? That it's been twice is a bit more difficult... but you could say something about you were just curious perhaps. Some people only think they are attracted to both at first because they've been taught to like the opposite sex and it takes a while to realize their true attraction is with the same sex - this was the case with me - but there are also those who are attracted to both sexes and bisexual. It can be confusing to figure out but the important thing to remember is that you don't have to go declare yourself as anything, you just keep being yourself. Whether you like girls or guys or both, it doesn't change who you are inside, just who you might go on a date with

As for knowing... watching porn and seeing how gay vs straight porn is one way to go.

[mooninleo]

HEy there,

I totally feel what you mean. I'm 28, and sometimes i feel like i'm not even a real person. I can be around different kinds of people, and everything about me can sway or change. Is this the human condition of being openminded and nonjudgemental? I've found support through joining different gay focused music groups. Do you have any real friends that you can talk to about this? My brothers never understood my being gay - we've never really been close either.

As for telling your brother.. ugh.. if hes homophobic then you really can't take anything he says to heart anymore. yeah hes your brother, but you can no longer be the sweet brother who gets along with everyone and gets walked over in the process. Worry less about him, and more about you. I pull way back from being around people sometimes to really focus on what i want and what i should be doing for myself.

I wish you the best of luck, lemme know if you ever need someone to chat with

[confused2011]

SlipknotRlZZ

to answer ur question, no im not ready, but i have considered coming out to him first...it maybe hard to believe but i seriously dont know alot about my brother. we never talk about who we are or about each other, usually just people around us, never each other. Plus he isnt the approachable brother type. i cant even trust him with little secrets how can i trust him with a secret about me being confused.
but anyway thanks for the advice.

jbrowder24

thanks for the advice about being too paranoid, ur right it does make me feel miserable. sometimes im even down to a point when i just wished life would accept these types of differences among people. and about talking to him, saying that i was just curious and all that, uhmmmm i dont think my brother is that open-minded or even understanding towards me. i know i would never know unless i talk to him but im too much of a pussy to even try. i know i will have to someday. but i have to know first whether he will understand and not see it as an oppurtunity to humiliate me.

mooninleo

hey im happy that u replied. its refreshing to communicate with someone who actually experienced it. with the whole brother confrontation thing. To answer ur question about real friends and stuff, yah i do have real friends. its just that they're all straight and their homophobic. im afraid they'll change around me. i have friends who are gay but hates those who are in the closet. they get annoyed with that fact that others hide who they really are. in my case im not even sure yet.
can i chat with u? its easier for me to make u understand if we chat.

[zeon]

Hello confused,
You state that your unsure of who you are... Well thats not a bad thing everyone who is unsure of their sexuality goes through this and trust me alot of gay people including some on here with myself included in this have gone through this stage.. It is a part of life where we find who we really are.. In time you will learn who you are as nature teaches and guides you.. Dont rush anything and dont worry about it..
You stated that your older brother caught you watching gay porn.. I know you and your brother are not close at the moment but if I was you I would tell him that he has to make one night free as your going for a drink together and there is NO excuses... Allow him to pick the date and inform him its just you... and him no one else.. When you have found this date explain to him that you are unsure about your sexuality and would like it if he could be a little supportive in anything that is going on within life.. Explain to him that you feel like there is a long piece of string going through your body and you dont know which way your ment to go... Explain to your brother that within time you would like to understand yourself and then when your ready you will come out and reveal all to the family but would like it kept quiet for the moment... Dont allow paronoia to get ontop of you otherwise it is a nasty emotion that will just eat away at you inside and you may come out a little too early before your ready..
My brother suffers from ADHD I am 26 and he is 27 and growing up he was a little bastard towards me as had it worse then but to be honest... Since i told him I was gay and if you dont like it its tough shit as theres a gay in the family and everyone is going to accept it regardless me and him have become closer in our brotherhood..
If your brother freaks out because you share a bedroom once you have told him just say to him... Look grow a set of bollocks will ya I am still me always have always will be.. You are my brother not a potential lover I do not find you attractive in anyway nor am i into incest...

Kindest regards and remember anyting happens we are all here to support ya=)

Zeon

[confused2011]

zeon

thankyu for the suggestion. i will try to have that casual conversation with him. ill try to do that at the right time because he might not be in the best state to understand me because he might have problems of his own or something like that.. anyway thankyu so much! im happy u shared ur personal experiences with me in relation to my situation ryt now. thanks again.

[DarkDaisuke]

Ok first off; you need to find out whom you're attracted to . Find out more about yourself before you go proclaiming you're bi, straight etc. If you do know congrats, but still. Its up to you if you want to do this, but you could try talking to your brother about it. Either that or just pretend it never happened, that he saw you masturbating to gay porn. Most straight guys don't bring that stuff up (Personal experince)

[zeon]

zeon

thankyu for the suggestion. i will try to have that casual conversation with him. ill try to do that at the right time because he might not be in the best state to understand me because he might have problems of his own or something like that.. anyway thankyu so much! im happy u shared ur personal experiences with me in relation to my situation ryt now. thanks again.

You would need to say it as it is when you meet him for the chat dont beat around the bush dont get all flustered and be prepared for anything that happens... I learnt with my brother what he threw at me i become stronger in spirit and threw back at him!

You can do the same

[Miller91]

Im seeming to have a lot of trouble at work. I brought a book to work with the word gay on it and my co-worker threw a fit and ;said that it was inappropriate. she went as far as to tell the supervisor who came and told me I couldnt bring it to work anymore. I want to graduate from college so I can get out of there with my own office so I can read my books about homosexuality or about me in privacy and with out all those crazy pl. around looking but not saying anything. There are no gay people to talk to at work. I feel so alone there. It gets so fustrating making up stories about wanting and desiring women Its probably my fault though.
and I should have been out of school along time ago so I can work and educated people. Ive come out to a women there. and she came out to me about her homosexuality. That was good, but whats next? Sometimes I feel like maybe Im suppose to be something else gay/str8.... I go to work one way leave another. im jealous of everyone. I want to move forward but feel like I never will. I dont know if its about my sexuality or about my family not accepting me. I want to know who I am so I can show someone else. I want to fall in love but its taking forever. Im jealous of my married friends...id like a child one day...so I can teach him about who I am so he can continue on in my interest. I just feel so held back and no one has my back. Its like who do you turn to when it really hurts? I jsut started talking to it to my parents but they arent exactly the most openminded pl. i know its going to take them awhile to absorb the information I give thim about my sexuality. and it sucks to wait. Although I callled her from work and told her I was reading a book on bisexuality...and i was really nevervous that she would freak out but she didnt she was really cool about it. She does know that I had a b/f a long time ago but she always talk so negativley about it..so when she does that I feel dumb as if that part of my life was a waste of time and I need to hurry up and make up for that time by finding a women...please give me any advice to help me understand me and whats going on right now......