My boyfriend is straight but had sex with a man...

[wondering]

Hi, I just did a search online to find a place where I could get opinions from people who are gay. I hope you take the time to read this and give me your honest opinions. Thank you so much.

I am a straight female and just started dating a straight man. He used to be an alcoholic and drug user but has been sober of both for 4 years now.

We have a really open and honest relationship which I am so grateful for and respect him so much for but what I am about to share is something I have no knowledge in and am feeling very confused.

When he was drinking and doing drugs one night, he was hanging out with some people, one being a gay man. Later, the gay man asked my current boyfriend (who was not my boyfriend then) if he wanted to try some kind of needle drug and I guess whatever this drug is, it makes you very horny. So.. anyway, my bf did it with him and some how it lead to the two of them having sex.

My boyfriend says he is not gay or bi and has regretted it ever since it happened. He says the drug makes you so horny and desperate for sex and that this man was wanting sex from him and some how it just happened. Honestly, he thinks the man knew what he was doing when trying to get him to do drug with him.

As a straight female, I have no idea if a "straight" man can have sex with another man and be gay or not. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. Could he be bi and be in denial? Could it just be like he said and he allowed the drugs to take him there?

I would appreciate your honest thoughts. Please forgive me for any ignorant comments I may have made.

[AILU]

I hate to say that many of us are also puzzled over this. So, I guess I have no better suggestion to offer other than saying "have faith in love".

[wondering]

I hate to say that many of us are also puzzled over this. So, I guess I have no better suggestion to offer other than saying "have faith in love".

Puzzled over what exactly?
Thank you!

[SlipknotRlZZ]

First, many people like to experiment. Then, really I don't think you have anything to worry about because it was a long time ago and he was on drugs, so...Plus, he is obviously not gay and if he is bi and in denial or is hiding it from you, what's the problem? :]

[fenris]

A straight man who has sex with other mens is a bisexual man mile:
But don´t panic... it is not the worst thing wich can happen... you have to decide for yourself if you can accept that or not... and then talk to him about all things you want to know or need to know ... but don´t ask for things wich you really don´t want to know
If both are honest in there relationship it can work, but be honest ... or you will wake up some day very jealous and hurt.
For me a other man can be intruder to my relationship - a women can´t. In your case you can feel another woman as intruder ... but not another man. You know it´s only sex. and maybe friendship between them.. not more .. not less... but this "only" is sometimes hard to accept but if he is your partner and you both know that and both are honest it can work.

[jbrowder24]

One of the memories that will stick with me is in junior high when a teacher had a person come in and speak to us - this man had been an alcoholic and drugs too. I think he might have had HIV and been there to talk safe sex actually, but he contracted the disease while he was having problems. I also believe he was straight and married. One of my classmates asked if he'd ever slept with a guy, and he was honest - he could not remember. Of course this prompted snickering but it always stuck with me that people could be so messed up that they can't even remember who they slept with.

Is it possible he is bi, at least to a small extent? Sure. But if he seems attracted to you and things are going well, I don't think you have to worry about him going out and being with men. Just do your best to keep him on the clean and sober path. If there end up being other signs like you find him looking at gay porn online, then perhaps he hasn't been honest about being bi... but you also need to have some trust in the relationship and he's been honest with you about what he did while high then that's good that he is trusting you with that info.

[wondering]

First, many people like to experiment. Then, really I don't think you have anything to worry about because it was a long time ago and he was on drugs, so...Plus, he is obviously not gay and if he is bi and in denial or is hiding it from you, what's the problem? :]

From my understanding, he wasnt experimenting. He says he has never had a desire to be with a man and never has since. He says, he didnt even want to do it that time but the guy wanted it, he was very high and he was also horny. He says he has regretted it ever since it happened and felt a lot of guilt because of it for a long time. He never spoke with this man again after that night. He has been able to let go of the guilt since becoming sober.

I am not familar with hard drugs and how they affect us and cause us to do things. Im not sure if anyone here is able to help me understand that when it comes to sex... but

It would be differnet if it was something he was curious about and wanted to try but from what he says, this has never been the case.

[wondering]

A straight man who has sex with other mens is a bisexual man mile:
But don´t panic... it is not the worst thing wich can happen... you have to decide for yourself if you can accept that or not... and then talk to him about all things you want to know or need to know ... but don´t ask for things wich you really don´t want to know
If both are honest in there relationship it can work, but be honest ... or you will wake up some day very jealous and hurt.
For me a other man can be intruder to my relationship - a women can´t. In your case you can feel another woman as intruder ... but not another man. You know it´s only sex. and maybe friendship between them.. not more .. not less... but this "only" is sometimes hard to accept but if he is your partner and you both know that and both are honest it can work.

A straight man who has sex with another man while under the influence of drugs who says he has never had this desire and never has since is considered bi still? Are there no grey areas?

I am straight and I have never been high on drugs but I try to compare this to getting drunk. If I got really drunk and kissed a girl or started messing around with one because she was seducing me or flirting w/ me, I dont think I would be considered bi because I have never thought about doing anything like this before and I am not attracted to women in that way. But, I can see how getting caught up in a moment can happen when certain events take place.

This other man had a hidden agenda of wanting to sleep with him... he offered my bf drugs.... a drug he has never tried before. They used them together. They make you want to have sex. (this was the first time he tried these drugs and he had no idea that it made you want to have sex). He actually said he wanted to go find a girl they were partying with earlier but this other man, the gay one who offered him these drugs talked him out of it.

[wondering]

One of the memories that will stick with me is in junior high when a teacher had a person come in and speak to us - this man had been an alcoholic and drugs too. I think he might have had HIV and been there to talk safe sex actually, but he contracted the disease while he was having problems. I also believe he was straight and married. One of my classmates asked if he'd ever slept with a guy, and he was honest - he could not remember. Of course this prompted snickering but it always stuck with me that people could be so messed up that they can't even remember who they slept with.

Is it possible he is bi, at least to a small extent? Sure. But if he seems attracted to you and things are going well, I don't think you have to worry about him going out and being with men. Just do your best to keep him on the clean and sober path. If there end up being other signs like you find him looking at gay porn online, then perhaps he hasn't been honest about being bi... but you also need to have some trust in the relationship and he's been honest with you about what he did while high then that's good that he is trusting you with that info.

Thank you so much!mile:

[fenris]

A straight man who has sex with another man while under the influence of drugs who says he has never had this desire and never has since is considered bi still? Are there no grey areas?

I am straight and I have never been high on drugs but I try to compare this to getting drunk. If I got really drunk and kissed a girl or started messing around with one because she was seducing me or flirting w/ me, I dont think I would be considered bi because I have never thought about doing anything like this before and I am not attracted to women in that way. But, I can see how getting caught up in a moment can happen when certain events take place.

This other man had a hidden agenda of wanting to sleep with him... he offered my bf drugs.... a drug he has never tried before. They used them together. They make you want to have sex. (this was the first time he tried these drugs and he had no idea that it made you want to have sex). He actually said he wanted to go find a girl they were partying with earlier but this other man, the gay one who offered him these drugs talked him out of it.

Honestly I think that there are more grey areas than black or white. mile:
Drugs or not.... I think the best way is to ask him - he is the only one who really knows what he is.... all other speculations is reading in coffee-ground and irritates more as it helps. If he did it ( having sex with that guy ) because it was a mistake... it is Ok and not a big problem.
But ... if he is bisexual.... it is not a big problem too, if he is the man you want and need.. and if he respect and love you he will never do something what hurts you.
Maybe it is a bit strange for you to think about him and a guy... talk with him about and then don´t think on it again. But I think it is not bad if your partner talks about this intimate things with you - it shows that he trusts you.