My boyfriend is straight but had sex with a man...

[zeon]

Hello there,
It is perfectly normal for a hetrosexual male to have sex with a homosexual male when he is comfortable within his relationship... Of course it is understandable that you can not always get your head around this because a woman cannot compete with a man if the man chooses to have sex with a man... I would see this as him exploring some sort of drug fuelled moment... Drugs are something which can make us mis-behave sometimes and are not the answer to anything... It may be wise maybe taking time away from the drugs and if this gay guy knew exactly what he was doing then id hate to say this but its what Id be on the understanding of "date rape"... He was drugged to get sex... I would maybe recommend talking about this with your fella and suggesting that he doesnt contact him again purely because it is not big or clever to drug someone for sex....

I think the fact his been honest with you about something like this deserves respect so dont take it to heart as you werent together and if it wasnt like that then his possibily exploring his sexuality and just having a one night fling to experiment...

Kindest regards

zeon x

[Wintereis]

Oh, there are many different things that could and are probably a part of what led him to the experience. You should know, straight men having sex with another man is not an unheard of occurrence. Many straight men, when secluded from the presence of women for long periods of time will have sex with other men. Additionally, drugs are almost synonymous with decreased inhibition. Again, if the drug had the quality of an aphrodisiac, this may also coax him toward having sex with who ever was at hand and willing. Furthermore, it is not rare for people of either sex to experiment sexually, not that that was his particular purpose. But it is not uncommon. As odd as it seems, sexuality is very simple in the fact that there are really no absolutes. . . which often makes it seem convoluted and difficult to our human minds which want to categorize a world that functions in continuum. You may want to look at some of the basics of sexuality established by Dr. Kinzy. That may answer some questions too.

[princealbertofb]

Or Doctor Kinsey as it might occur, lol...

[wondering]

I apologize in advance if anything I say hurts your feelings but I feel like I must say them.

I've never done any kind of drugs and not much alcohol, so this is just my very "limited experience" opinion. He seems to remember a lot about the situation. This raises a red flag to me. Are these hazy memories or not?


Some men cannot accept that they are curious about being with another man and/or acted on that curiosity. That's not to say that your bf was not taken advantage of but I tend to be a little skeptical. The first thing that popped into my mind is his scenario is the classic “gay panic” defense that spins the situation so that he is a victim who will receive your sympathy and establish innocence. I apologize if I'm way off base. Male rape, date rape drugs and predatory individuals are real. But, there's just something about this story ...I don't mean to be crude but did he top or bottom? That may make a difference in my response.

But, whatever happened, I don't think his experimentation is the important issue here.

Look, I have two younger sisters, who I love dearly. You seem like a nice lady, so I just have to tell you what I would tell them no matter how mad they/you might get at me. The big brother just comes out in me, ok?

Sometimes our hearts blind us and we're a little too quick with giving our trust. This man has a history of drug use. Did this ever involve shared needles? Does he use condoms? Has he been tested for HIV PRIOR to becoming intimate with you?

And, I'm not looking for you to answer these questions on this board, I just want you to think and take your heart out of it.

You can be as supportive and proud of him as you want—4 years sober/drug free—that's great. But, has he thought about YOUR health and safety? Have you? The reality is you are in a relationship with someone who has a high risk **DRUG USE** past, please don't play around with your life. You both need to be tested for HIV and hepatitis b and c. There are two people in the relationship and you are equally important. And, his word is not good enough, you need lab results.

Sexual experimentation is not a big deal, your life is.

Thank you. I really appreciate everything you have said. He has been tested multiple times and he is clean. You asked if he was on top or bottom. I have no idea but now Im curious... why did you say that makes a difference? could you explain this more to me and is it not normal to be both? is everyone always one or the other?

[wondering]

The way you describe it sounds like it was a drug-fuelled incident, but then I have not experienced for myself the influence of drink or drugs. I would have to bow to those with greater experience, but something must have given rise to the saying that the difference between a straight man and a gay one is four pints of beer.

I have, in years gone by, met the occasional "straight man" who was a pest till he got what he thought he wanted and immediately afterwards went horribly silent. That is just spooky. It suggests to me that there are men who once they embark on a course of action will just see it through. I really don't know if that was the end of the interest of those people. Sorry that hasn't helped much. I'm sure youve already taken azulai's warning's into consideration.

Best wishes to you both and congratulations to your man for staying sober these past four years.

Thank you!

It does have to mean something that he told me about this incident though. He has only told two other people this, which were his sponsers. No one else knows about this.

[wondering]

was he drinking beer my dear that could also make a human horney

as us aliens we FIGHT THROUGH THE PAIN

i dont know what he drank but he was drunk and high.

[wondering]

Hello there,
It is perfectly normal for a hetrosexual male to have sex with a homosexual male when he is comfortable within his relationship... Of course it is understandable that you can not always get your head around this because a woman cannot compete with a man if the man chooses to have sex with a man... I would see this as him exploring some sort of drug fuelled moment... Drugs are something which can make us mis-behave sometimes and are not the answer to anything... It may be wise maybe taking time away from the drugs and if this gay guy knew exactly what he was doing then id hate to say this but its what Id be on the understanding of "date rape"... He was drugged to get sex... I would maybe recommend talking about this with your fella and suggesting that he doesnt contact him again purely because it is not big or clever to drug someone for sex....

I think the fact his been honest with you about something like this deserves respect so dont take it to heart as you werent together and if it wasnt like that then his possibily exploring his sexuality and just having a one night fling to experiment...

Kindest regards

zeon x

although i do not think it was rape, i do think this man took advantage of him. this happened years ago and he never spoke to this man again after that night. he has since become sober of all drugs and alcohol and lives a very pure life.

i do respect and admire his openness and honesty with me. i couldnt ask for more!

i just however, want to know what im getting myself into.

i can see drugs and alcohol causing someone to do this but i just want to make sure he isnt in denial about his sexuality. i believe he isnt but i just thought i would get the opinions of others.

thank you!

[wondering]

Oh, there are many different things that could and are probably a part of what led him to the experience. You should know, straight men having sex with another man is not an unheard of occurrence. Many straight men, when secluded from the presence of women for long periods of time will have sex with other men. Additionally, drugs are almost synonymous with decreased inhibition. Again, if the drug had the quality of an aphrodisiac, this may also coax him toward having sex with who ever was at hand and willing. Furthermore, it is not rare for people of either sex to experiment sexually, not that that was his particular purpose. But it is not uncommon. As odd as it seems, sexuality is very simple in the fact that there are really no absolutes. . . which often makes it seem convoluted and difficult to our human minds which want to categorize a world that functions in continuum. You may want to look at some of the basics of sexuality established by Dr. Kinzy. That may answer some questions too.

thank you!