Making friends

[rakmatis]

Yea, I think the biggest problem is my fear though. I like the effeminate guys, but Im afraid of being seen wih one, no offense intended but it would raise some awkward questions. Ive gone this long without getting caught because I never leave any possible evidence behind, came close to being caught a couple of times because of stupid mistakes...

[jbrowder24]

So best bet is to avoid parties but try hanging out more low-key just playing games or watching videos at someone's apartment then? Or travelling, if that's possible, to places more out of the immediate area.

Hopefully soon you won't have to worry about that. Really hope DADT repeal doesn't have delays in implementation.

[rakmatis]

it is already implemented, but how long does it take after a law like this is passed before people accept it, especially in a place thats so against change as the military. and the entire problem is based around actually meeting people. I really just want to make friends who I can talk to freely, tthats not really possible in my situation, and the internet only really helps so much...

[flyboy]

It get what you mean, it sucks that theres no one to talk to about stuff. though i must say your situation is probably harder than mine, me just being closeted. But im sure youll find friends irl or online. you seem like a pretty nice guy do any of your friends know youre bi? maybe you can ask them to introduce you to other people...

[jimcrackcorn]

It can be difficult to find gay friends to hang out with while in the military. Many of the gays who are in the military are in the closet,,,especially when they are stationed in areas that are a bit homophobic.

The first thing I'd do is get on the Internet and do a search for " Gay Community in (what ever city your located in)"...... You will find gay restaurants, gay resorts, gay bars, & gay community events/activities. Getting connected with the LGBT community thru these areas will invariably lead you to other social activities such as sports, arts, cars, etc. Where you will meet people who share many of the same interest as you.

Finding gay establishments several miles away from your base will reduce your chances of being spotted by one of those homophobic military members. Don't be surprised if you see some of the people you are stationed with inside these establishments (smile), they are also looking for gay friends!!!!

On a large military base such as Tinker AFB or Norfolk Naval Base, there will by many gay, lesbian, & Bisexual service members working there. They are in the same position as you and will be visiting the local gay establishments to meet like-minded people.

By the way, the repeal of DADT has not reached final certification yet, but is expected to happen within the next couple months. This means you are still under the old DADT law for the time being,,,,,,But,, they have stopped discharging gay/lesbian/bisexual service members. Gay bars have not been off limits to military members for several years, there have been cases where military members were caught kissing or holding hands in a gay establishment, and they were discharged under DADT for revealing their sexual orientation by holding hands/kissing - but not for merely being in a gay bar. The DADT policy was not written to be specific as to what counts as "telling" or, what is considered to be a homosexual act, and therefore was loosely interpreted by individual commands. Good riddance to that archaic policy.

The Pentagon Study conducted last year with 115 thousand military members responding to the survey - showed two thirds of our military members didn't care if the ban was lifted. That's a rather favorable percentage of personnel who don't mind that you are bisexual and in the military. Of the 30 percent who objected, most were members of combat units, and of that 30%, 59% were from the marines. These figures suggest that if your just an average guy who happens to be bisexual and in the military, your fellow troopers will most likely warm up to you once they get over the shock of finding out your orientation. Given this information, I wouldn't be to worried, there's a lot of people in the military who don't mind that your bi.

The repeal of DADT is specifically tailored so you don't have to worry about being caught in a gay establishment kissing, holding hands, or dancing. And, you can have a boyfriend, or get married too. I know it isn't perfect and there will always be a few within your command who will be homophobic, but that is "THEIR PROBLEM". Once the repeal of DADT has been certified, everyone in the military will serve under the exact same rules & regulations. They cannot kick you out, harass you, assign you to shit detail or lower your evaluations based on your sexual orientation. If they do, go see your Equal Opportunity Officer and fill out the appropriate forms which will be sent up the chain of command.

For further advice about serving in the military as a bisexual/gay/lesbian, Google "Military.com Forums" and under "Hot Topics & Current Events" you will find Gay/Lesbian Issues in the Military. These are professional gay service members who can help with any question concerning gay military members.

My best wishes

[dasbas]

what branch are you in?