hey guys, I've run into a bit of a situation with my friend, you see I've always kinda considered myself bi although I enjoy llooking at gay porn but its just not as exciting to actually be with a guy than it is to be with a girl, I know kinda confusing lol.
Anyways so I have this friend I met on the first week of college, and he was such a nerdy and wimpy kid but such a nice guy that we ended up becoming really close. I felt like I could turn to him for anything and he's always there for me when it counts. Then one day he decided to jump in bed with me and then he just lays there. He's always wrestling me or holding me in a choke hold or something and we're always hugging and stuff too. But then he started crawling into bed with me regularly, and we do stuff like talk for hours or watch funny youtube videos or movies and stuff. A lot of the time too, i've started asking him to come and lay with me if he's sitting down, and he usually does so no questions asked lol.
He's never been with a girl, and I'm just wondering if he's gay or not. I never saw him in a sexual way before but ever since he started doing that stuff I've started to become attracted to him and I think I'm in love. I've never felt this way about another guy before but I really dont wanna risk him pushing me away and then losing him as a friend. It would be devastating to lose him as a friend. Help me out guys. Thanks
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Does he know that you're bi? I've been in those types of situations A LOT. What I've learned is that the best thing to do is ask, we can't know for sure. And surprisingly, a LOT of straight guys seem really comfortable being close like that to others.
If you really are close you should just ask. Wondering and assuming and all that is too risky and it'll never really answer your question, will it? If he doesn't know that your bi, were you planning on telling him?
Either way, good luck!
•
I agree with the above post...have you ever said you're bi? In My opinion I've never really known many straight guys who will just hop in bed with another guy...even if it is just to watch a youtube video...lol...just ask him...you guys seem very open with each other...I hope everything works out for you!
•
Thanks for the advice guys. And no i have never told him that I'm bi but I'm just afraid that maybe he is straight but just genuinely loves me as a friend and thus enjoys bein close in bed. He's never had a girlfriend and isnt seeking a relationship and neither am I so maybe he's just getting his intimacy fix from me lol. I certainly am!
Any other advice would be great! the more sides I get on this the better
•
Though I think you'll be fine from the sounds of things, since you are worried you may want to try bringing it up without asking directly. Stay on the lookout for a good reason... if someone you both know or a celebrity comes out, bring this person up making sure he knows you're cool with it, and see how he reacts... or maybe bring up a movie or TV show with gay characters. There's lots of ways to start to get a feeling for how someone feels, that might make you feel more comfortable in either telling him about yourself or asking him about his orientation.
Though it's a risk, I'd say I'd go with telling him your bi - though don't reveal your feelings right away until you see how he reacts - would be better than just asking him if he's gay. He might take offense if he's not, and might be afraid what you think if he is. Whereas if you go first, yes you do risk him becoming a little uncomfortable if he's not (though I hope this isn't the case... hopefully things won't change), but if he is gay/bi, it'll make him much more comfortable to be honest with you (and if things do change in this scenario it might be a positive  ).
•
good point jbrowder24, I will say that I have decided that giving it some time and indirectly finding out is probably the best thing, I just don't think that I'm ready to just tell him right away, There is one situation that really kinda sticks out to me though.
One time we were both downtown shopping for two friends of ours birthdays. I took one of the tourism maps that were being handed out, figured we could use it to find places to get cool stuff. Anyways, when I'm looking at it he points to the gay village on the map and I ask him you wanna go there? And then he says what is that? And then I say its the gay part of town man and he's says , "Oh I didnt know". Anyways one of our friends is a lesbian and i suggested that maybe it would be cool to go there and get her a gift and he said sure.
That day kinda sticks out cause why would he point to that area on the map and then specifically ask what that is. You can clearly tell lol cause it has a rainbow outlining it too. Maybe a little too random but just thought I'd mention it.
•
Hm, well if he's hinting that he's gay why not ask him? He might feel that he's close enough for him to drop hints and for you to piece everything together but he's too afraid to outright admit it. Doing the former is much easier.
The thing is, unless he explicitly told you about or you witnessed him having sex with another guy (XD) then he isn't ''gay'' .
Being close to another guy or ''joking around'' and actually being gay are two different things. As I said, I've known straight guys who have been really touchy-feely with me but when I tell them that I'm gay that sort of behavior stops instantly. Maybe I just know weird guys.
•
I would say that i can understand what your going through, but i don't. I agree with some of these posts, if you guys are that close, it cannot hurt to ask. I can understand your fear of losing him as a friend. Trust me i've had a crush on my best friend caleb for the longest time, even told him about it, yet we still hang out all the time. You guys really seem to be open and honest with each other. All i can really say is, go ahead and ask. Again, it can't hurt.
I wish you luck though, i really hope this works out for you both. :biggrin:
•
I know many straight men who act that way, but I'm not saying your friend is certainly straight, as I have no way of knowing that. I'd have to meet him, as I've the Gaydar of a champion. B) But unlike previously mentioned, my straight guy friends (even knowing I'm gay) proceed to be all close and touchy. It drives me mad. I often have to warn them that if they don't want me to bend them over, they need to get off me. Which only makes matters worse and initiates intimate hugging where I ask, "What the hell are you doing?" and the one I'm talking about answers in a low and gruff whisper RIGHT in my ear, "You." Then I have to hit him. I mean, obviously. XD
The straight male is a curious, curious creature. No two alike, wholly, and each possessing their own number of unique curiosities.
Back on topic, I wouldn't blatantly ask, as even if you're close, it would still make for a (hella) awkward situation. You could hint, or flash him 'the smile.' I don't know if it's just me, but there is a definitive smile that straight men do NOT make to each other and that only the wise gay can decode.  Give that sucker a shot.
•
the smile huh? lol i think your definitely on to something and I have totally been giving him a distinct smile (a slightly extended smile thats more than the usual) where I look at him, usually he would do something like pat me on the head or grab a hold of me and thats when i'll give it, other times I'd just give it to him if I'm in the car and he's beside me or something.
•
|
