06-20-2011, 10:37 AM
I like this guy for so long and I've been wanting him ever since. But one thing I'm not sure of is if what he is really into. In short, is he straight or gay? We have lots of common friends, and so it was not really difficult that we became acquaintances. I just made it hard for myself because, I was conscious knowing that I have a hidden desire for this guy so much which I think he has already noticed.
When given a chance, just the two of us, I broke my silence. I told him what I feel but not directly asked him if we can be together or he can be mine. This guy who was surprised still tried to be polite and friendly on his reactions. He was honest to tell me that he is not into same sex relationships and he is straight. Of course, I was disappointed and somehow, I tried not to think that it was rejection.
This incidence created a bigger and better friendship between the two of us. Not because, this guy is taking advantage because I like him, but apparently because he doesn't want to let me feel that I was rejected. We became closer and we do things that we didn't do before. We talk a lot on our mobiles, most of the time I call him but there were also times that he calls me. We go out for breakfast or lunch, I do the invites and he also does. And with so many conversations made, we've known each other much better. But I have to admit, this relationship that we have has made my love for him deeper.
Yes, I am happy. However, it hurts me at some point because the more we become closer, the more I love him and at the end of the day, I know for a fact that all we ever can be is just friends. It is painful because at some reason, I feel jealous when he is being linked to someone or somebody else is after him. I know I can't be jealous, I shouldn't be jealous, but I really feel that way. I hate these feelings and I know this is not helping me at any way.
I keep asking myself, why is he doing this? Why am I doing this? Even though I know, with his words and actions that there's actually no reason for him to avoid me. He respects my feelings, and he wanted to be just friends. And yet, because I love him, I can't take off the expectations, which I know that there shouldn't be. I know he just wanted to be friends, and I am sincerely happy for that. But, I am loving him so much every single minute that we talk or every single day that we go out. He is becoming so special.
For now, I am enjoying what we have and I am so happy. He knows that I still have the same feelings for him, and he discourages me for that. He has even said that I am young and I might not sure of what I am feeling. But I know, for a fact, deep inside my heart, that I love him and he is the most special man in my life right now. And it's really difficult to know that this is all we can be, friends. Honestly, I am making all of these hard for me. I can't stay away because it will hurt, and even staying with the friendship, somehow painful.
So, where should I put myself now? Where did I go wrong? Is this stupidity? How can I avoid this feelings that I shouldn't have in the first place because all we can be is, just friends?
When given a chance, just the two of us, I broke my silence. I told him what I feel but not directly asked him if we can be together or he can be mine. This guy who was surprised still tried to be polite and friendly on his reactions. He was honest to tell me that he is not into same sex relationships and he is straight. Of course, I was disappointed and somehow, I tried not to think that it was rejection.
This incidence created a bigger and better friendship between the two of us. Not because, this guy is taking advantage because I like him, but apparently because he doesn't want to let me feel that I was rejected. We became closer and we do things that we didn't do before. We talk a lot on our mobiles, most of the time I call him but there were also times that he calls me. We go out for breakfast or lunch, I do the invites and he also does. And with so many conversations made, we've known each other much better. But I have to admit, this relationship that we have has made my love for him deeper.
Yes, I am happy. However, it hurts me at some point because the more we become closer, the more I love him and at the end of the day, I know for a fact that all we ever can be is just friends. It is painful because at some reason, I feel jealous when he is being linked to someone or somebody else is after him. I know I can't be jealous, I shouldn't be jealous, but I really feel that way. I hate these feelings and I know this is not helping me at any way.
I keep asking myself, why is he doing this? Why am I doing this? Even though I know, with his words and actions that there's actually no reason for him to avoid me. He respects my feelings, and he wanted to be just friends. And yet, because I love him, I can't take off the expectations, which I know that there shouldn't be. I know he just wanted to be friends, and I am sincerely happy for that. But, I am loving him so much every single minute that we talk or every single day that we go out. He is becoming so special.
For now, I am enjoying what we have and I am so happy. He knows that I still have the same feelings for him, and he discourages me for that. He has even said that I am young and I might not sure of what I am feeling. But I know, for a fact, deep inside my heart, that I love him and he is the most special man in my life right now. And it's really difficult to know that this is all we can be, friends. Honestly, I am making all of these hard for me. I can't stay away because it will hurt, and even staying with the friendship, somehow painful.
So, where should I put myself now? Where did I go wrong? Is this stupidity? How can I avoid this feelings that I shouldn't have in the first place because all we can be is, just friends?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
