06-17-2011, 03:08 PM
I hate my life. I want to cry and break down into tears but for some reason I can't.
So here's the story. I moved into my house about five years ago in July and I've noticed that I have some of the best neighbors a person could ask for. Well one of my neighbors are gay. At this moment inwas still a closeted gay. Well about a year later I confided in him to help me with coming out to my mom. Well he did help with that and I came out to my mom. That same summer he and I got a little close. He was entoxicated with his beloved red wine. He touched me like people do in movies right when there is a sex seen. He stood behind me. Rubbed his hands on my torso and his right hand in my pants rubbing me down ever so softly. All the while he was breathing on my neck and and biting my ear. I couldn't help but to be overcome by sexual emotions. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel him penitrate my pure virgin skin.
Moments like this kept happening. But here's the downer. He had a partner who lived in California. From then til present they have been together for two years. So he made occasional trips there for a week or so and he paid me to watch his dog while he was gone. Unfortunately his partner has moved back to Ohio.
My neighbor has become increasingly busy because of his business that he owns. He takes care of those who live with autism. He has been extremely busy with meetings and paper work. He and his partner are going through some problems and won't be together for a WHILE like a year or longer.
My problem is that I am insanely in love with my neighbor and he knows it even though I never told him. Everytime I see him my heart breaks and shetters into pieces. And everytime he comes near me I feel like I'm suffocating. He makes me breathless. When he touches me I feel as though I am falling and yet I'll never hit the ground. He wants me but for my body. His personality is unbelievable. He makes everyone laugh and is loved by everyone. He acts the same sober and drunk the only difference is that he shows me that he wants me when he's drunk. But what I hate realizing is that he wants me because of my body and I want him for his and his personality. I am truly in love with him but I haven't been able to have him. And I'm still a virgin. I want him to be the one to take my virginity. He was my first sexual experience of any kind. He's old enough to be my dad and I'm only 16. I have never loved anyone like I do him. (I love older men below the age of 65. What should I do?
So here's the story. I moved into my house about five years ago in July and I've noticed that I have some of the best neighbors a person could ask for. Well one of my neighbors are gay. At this moment inwas still a closeted gay. Well about a year later I confided in him to help me with coming out to my mom. Well he did help with that and I came out to my mom. That same summer he and I got a little close. He was entoxicated with his beloved red wine. He touched me like people do in movies right when there is a sex seen. He stood behind me. Rubbed his hands on my torso and his right hand in my pants rubbing me down ever so softly. All the while he was breathing on my neck and and biting my ear. I couldn't help but to be overcome by sexual emotions. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel him penitrate my pure virgin skin.
Moments like this kept happening. But here's the downer. He had a partner who lived in California. From then til present they have been together for two years. So he made occasional trips there for a week or so and he paid me to watch his dog while he was gone. Unfortunately his partner has moved back to Ohio.
My neighbor has become increasingly busy because of his business that he owns. He takes care of those who live with autism. He has been extremely busy with meetings and paper work. He and his partner are going through some problems and won't be together for a WHILE like a year or longer.
My problem is that I am insanely in love with my neighbor and he knows it even though I never told him. Everytime I see him my heart breaks and shetters into pieces. And everytime he comes near me I feel like I'm suffocating. He makes me breathless. When he touches me I feel as though I am falling and yet I'll never hit the ground. He wants me but for my body. His personality is unbelievable. He makes everyone laugh and is loved by everyone. He acts the same sober and drunk the only difference is that he shows me that he wants me when he's drunk. But what I hate realizing is that he wants me because of my body and I want him for his and his personality. I am truly in love with him but I haven't been able to have him. And I'm still a virgin. I want him to be the one to take my virginity. He was my first sexual experience of any kind. He's old enough to be my dad and I'm only 16. I have never loved anyone like I do him. (I love older men below the age of 65. What should I do?